Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

1. The man, the star, the Ford. Looking at us with soft, compassionate eyes and a hat big enough to engulf that entire fighter plane down there. Indy's also got the sun bursting out of his throat — possible cancer watch, just saying.

2. The co-star, Mr. Connery. Lacking in comparison in every way to Indiana Jones: head is 33% smaller, tweed hat vs. fedora, glasses vs. contact lenses, frown vs. knowing grin, old man's beard vs. sexy stubble. He seems to be checking out Indy's left ear. Gross.

3. Is Connery's tie made of origami?

4. First of all, "Joneses" is just a weird name to pluralize, necessary or no. Also, the calm, collected period at the end of that tagline does not express the sort of emotion that the sentence would warrant -- I'd think an exclamation or three (!!!) would suffice, or perhaps an excited sideways smiley :D

5. The supporting cast peeking out from behind the poster, anxious that they're standing on each other's shoulders in the dark. Starting here and going clockwise: Fez Dude, Messy Hair Man, Grimace, and Generic Blonde Nazi Love Interest.

6. Indiana Jones during rush hour, blithely unaware that a massive copy of his head is floating over his shoulder. He rides to work on a horse, firing pistol rounds over the steed's head. Because horses love that more than sugar carrots. Also in this traffic jam is a few trucks of army men, what might just be a Tauntaun, a blimp, a tank, an (naturally) a rubbernecking plane.

7. Pillars and stone architecture on the borders give it an authentic "grave robbing" setting.

8. "Theaters Everywhere" is a bold promise. So, on May 24, I could've gone to Antarctica and seen this? Sweet!

9. I just love this guy's scary face. GRRR! I think he's passing a pinecone.