Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

1. Our sweaty hero. You know a movie franchise is getting down to business when they finally allow their hero to be seen with ruffled hair and bootblack on his face.

2. I know they talk a great deal about Hermione's moppy, weird hair in the books, but seeing it in action on a poster is a little strange.

3. Maybe someone should tell Harry that it's a sword, not a baseball bat.

4. I'm trying to decide if these are flames, or just a really pretty sunrise.

5. Ah. "Evil". Flames. But wait, does that mean the evil is BEHIND the heroes? Look out, Harry!

6. I know Lissa will back me up when I say: Ron with nothing but stupid expressions on his face does not a fun image make.

7. And here we have confused Dobby in the corner of the shot. A poster full of concerned, worried children with flames in the background, all undermined by a CGI elf who wandered into the photo shoot.

8. Oh, the sexual subtext. A masterwork of subtlety.

9. Mom, Mom! Can we get Harry Potter? It's finally gone gold!

10. At least for once the legal is crammed tightly into available space, instead of taking up half the poster. Take that, Hollywood!