Mutant Reviewers from Hell do
“Hasta la vista, baby.”

1991 R / SciFi Action Directed by: James Cameron Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Robert Patrick

Tagline

Ten years ago, the machines who rule the future sent an unstoppable Terminator to assassinate the yet unborn John Connor. They failed. In 1991, the machines will try again.

Summary Capsule

Those loveable killer SkyNet bots are back with Mr Melty versus Ahnuld.

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DVD | Soundtrack (Score)

PoolMan's Rating: 14 years later… and I can still nearly recite it word for word. Scary.
PoolMan's Review: In late 2003, Justin handed down a mandate from his airy mountain fortress on high. He commanded all us Mutants to make New Year’s resolutions for the upcoming calenderial switch to 2004. Being of unsound mind and body, I agreed to participate, but I was going to make you monkeys work for it. The terms for my resolution were that any non-staffer who got to 666 posts on the Mutant Forum by June 6th would be granted a review request courtesy of yours truly. To make a long story short, only one person ever rose to the rank of 666 posts in a respectable amount of time: DocD83, our resident curmudgeon and mithril physics debater.

"Her son, the future leader of the resistance against said machines, steals from bank machines and generally begins the long, arduous process of growing up to be a complete ass."

That was probably about a year ago. Ahem.

Since then, I’ve undergone Justin’s wedding, my own wedding, my first foray into the world of trying to buy a home (Update! Still no dumpsters big enough to house my manly feet) and took a job that actually required a little work at the old home office. Couple that with the fact that for some godforsaken reason, I have literally been unable to find the single biggest movie of the early 90’s in any video store, anywhere, and you arrive, finally and breathlessly, at my long overdue review of Terminator 2: Judgment Day.

Doc, this one’s for you. Drew, hit the music.

[strains of Disco Inferno fill the room]

Um… sure.

It’s no point of exaggeration to say that Terminator 2 (or T2, as it was dubbed by the marketing gurus of the era, much to the delight of the future filmmakers responsible for ID4 and other such confusing acronyms) was just about the biggest sequel ever. If your memory stretches back to 1991, surely you remember the plethora of marketing campaigns, ads, Slurpees, candies, videogames, and other assorted crapola that came with this movie. T2 became the benchmark example of how to tie a movie into almost every form of marketing known to man. If you tire of seeing Star Wars M&M’s with Revenge of the Sith right around the corner, you probably have the creation of T2 to blame. It was, simply put, an overhyped event of a movie, one of the first of its kind.

Now, that all said, it’s a pretty damn good flick. It delivered on a lot of the hype that it promised. Witness the return of Arnold Schwarzenegger in the reprisal of his biggest breakout role as the unstoppable killing machine, the Terminator (jury’s still out on whether the Ahnuld-bot’s model number was T-800 or the T-101). Thrill to one of the best early successes of a CGI character in the form of the excellent T-1000, played to the hilt by Robert Patrick. Check out Linda Hamilton looking nearly as manly as Arnie himself!

Basically, T2 continues the very wide open ending of the original Terminator movie. Sadly for poor Sarah Connor, she’s wound up in a mental institute, owing to all the horrifying visions of a future ruled by the homicidal war machines Reese warned her of in the first flick, while her son, the future leader of the resistance against said machines, steals from bank machines and generally begins the long, arduous process of growing up to be a complete ass. But apparently even this state of affairs prompts the machines of the future to send a new Terminator, the shapeshifting T-1000, back in time to kill the Connors. However, Future John’s no dummy, and he sends back a robot to protect himself; a hijacked Ahnuld-model Terminator, reprogrammed to defend Young John. Ahnuld pretty much has the entire situation under control until Sarah gets the bright idea to take out the scientist responsible for the SkyNet technology so that the machine threat never comes to be in the first place. The whole thing escalates to the inevitable confrontation between the two Terminators with John’s life (and humanity’s hopes) hanging in the balance.

Pretty neat concept, actually. You definitely have to give the writers credit for doing more with a perfectly ominous ending than the creators of The Matrix. They took their characters, grew them up, changed their allegiances, and let them fight it out. The result is definitely cool. Bigger, meaner, and funnier than the first movie in most respects, T2 was a smash hit. Probably its biggest failing was that it’s just not as thrilling as the original movie. The original Terminator was almost silent, delivering precious few lines as it stalked a young, naïve Sarah Connor to its own doom. Both the new T-bots are Chatty Cathies by comparison. The T-1000 is programmed to be more socially malleable and clever, while the new Arnie-bot is being taught badly dated teenager slang.

This, sadly, brings me to the part of T2 I just can’t abide. I really, really, really can’t stand the character of John. Not only is he growing up to be a hoodlum, he treats the Terminator as a pet, feeding it line after line of now extremely tired catchphrases. All you need to hear is a sound clip of Arnold saying "hasta la vista, baby", and your eyes will begin to swivel dangerously in their sockets. The reduction of the Terminator from a scary killing robot to some dorky teenager’s favourite toy is a pretty big change for the character, and for me I find it pretty hard to swallow.

However, credit again where it’s due. This movie is all about action, and it delivers. The fights and chases involved are incredibly memorable, and have been copied and parodied infinitely in the creative vacuum that is Hollywood. T2 was a template for action movies to come for years, and its influence can still be felt today.

Is it good? Hell yeah. If by some chance you’ve not seen it yet, please, go with my blessings and track it down. It’s dated (that CGI is teetering daaaangerously close to the edge), and it’s not quite as good as its predecessor, but it was a rollercoaster thrill ride a LONG time before the phrase "rollercoaster thrill ride" became such a terrible cliché. Totally recommended.

Shalen's Rating: 150 of the 206 bones actually found in the adult human body and also, inexplicably, in giraffes.
Shalen's Review: First of all, a confession, just so that no one thinks I’m trying to maintain a pretense of reviewer impartiality: I love this film deeply. Almost as much as I love Soldier. The idea is interesting, without dwelling too much on the time travel aspects. The direction is good. The color palette is usefully grim or infernal, depending on where we are in James Cameron’s grim little universe. There just is not a better-executed example of the Mechanical Man, what he is and where he comes from and how people react to him.

"The film seldom gives in to the temptation to make this inhuman creature human, and I have to love that."

And what interesting reactions there are. John Connor is a profoundly annoying character for most people, but he is in the film for what was no doubt a very compelling reason at the time. His presence touches the soul of every insecure early teenage boy (or insecure college girl, as I was when I first saw this) who would LOVE to have an invincible cyborg follow him around looking huge and menacing. The scriptwriters and director Cameron did manage to suggest the Terminator as a substitute father figure for the fatherless John, and I believe John’s mother Sarah (Linda Hamilton, and occasionally her twin sister, believe it or not*) mentions something like this during the film. (Perhaps that was only on the extended DVD.) The older model Terminator is permanently accessible and emotionally invulnerable to juvenile tantrums, and while he is incapable of affection, he is also incapable of lashing out as human fathers sometimes do.

Far more interesting to me, however, was Sarah’s relationship to the Terminator. I say relationship to, not with, because it is necessarily one-sided. She hates everything about the Frankensteinian creation, and does not like or trust him to the very end of the film. I enjoyed her level of physical toughness and competence, so very rare in movie heroines who are not dressed in skintight leather, but it was also interesting to watch her repeatedly attempt to emotionally flagellate a machine which is incapable of responding. Her repeated critical remarks meet with simple acknowledgement, nothing more.

This was something I particularly enjoyed about this movie: the Terminator changes very little in the course of the film, though he grows increasingly battered physically. The film seldom gives in to the temptation to make this inhuman creature human, and I have to love that. Mr. Schwarzennegger’s acting may have had something to do with that, given his shortcomings in the area of portraying actual human emotion on screen, but this was an instance in which it really worked.

I personally recommend the extended edition, for the addition to the scene in the garage if nothing else. But if you haven’t seen this film at all, do. Unless you went to see In the Mix at the same time I did, in which case I suggest you take your three children under age 9 to a psychologist while there’s still time.

* In the extended garage scene, Linda performs “surgery” on the Terminator in front of a mirror so he can give directions. There is actually no mirror. Her twin is standing behind Schwarzennegger and Linda is standing behind a model. Their movements are perfectly synchronized.

"I’m a little sensitive about my acne, and I’ll thank you not to mention it." Voila. The Human Discoball. Ever have that dream where you go to work naked?

Didja Notice? [some sources: IMDb]

• Walking straight through a barred gate can look incredibly intimidating.
• I kept thinking the CyberDyne chip model looked like a chocolate bar.
• Poor Dr Silberman… this whole Terminator experience is really tough on him.
• The bullet holes in Arnie’s jacket disappear and reappear.
• And now, for the ladies… naked Ahnuld. For the less discerning, naked Robert Patrick.
• Arnold Schwarzenegger is a big man; hiding one arm under his shirt when it’s supposed to be missing is NOT going to work.
• Why oh why don’t the machines ever send more than one Terminator? And why try later in the future, when Sarah is so much more dangerous?
• The dogs at Enrique’s place don’t seem to mind the new Terminator. In the original, dogs went crazy when it approached. Can they smell nicer programming?
• The only character that Arnie kills during the entire movie is the T-1000.

Is It Worth Staying Through End Credits?

No. Hasta luego, baby.

Intermission! [some sources: IMDb]

Edward Furlong (John Connor) aged so much during the shoot that he looks visibly different from the start of the movie to the end. Also, he came back in post production and dubbed almost all of his own dialog for the movie because his voice had cracked.

Given Schwarzenegger's $15 million salary and his total of 700 words of dialog, that translates to $21,429 per word. "Hasta la vista, baby" cost $85,716. Not surprising, then, that this was the first movie in history to have a budget higher than $100 million.

The original actor considered to play the T-1000 was none other than Michael Biehn, who played the hero Reese in the first movie.

Groovy Quotes

[the Terminator hoists a huge gun]
John Connor: It's definitely you.

[John Connor wants to get some things from home]
The Terminator: Negative. The T1000 will definitely try to reacquire you there.
John Connor: You sure?
The Terminator: I would.

John Connor: We've got company.
Miles Dyson: Police?
Sarah Connor: How many?
John Connor: Uh, all of them, I think.

Dr. Silberman: You broke my arm!
Sarah Connor: There's 215 bones in the human body. That's one.

The Terminator: Stay here, I'll be back!

The Terminator: Hasta la vista, baby!

[the Terminator is stitching Sarah’s shoulder]
John Connor: You know what you're doing?
The Terminator: I have detailed files on human anatomy.
Sarah Connor: Makes you a more efficient killer, right?
The Terminator: Correct.

Soundtrack Review

The theme song is highly recognizable, if a bit simple (as most of James Cameron themes tend to be). Nothing extraordinary past that.

If you liked this movie, try these:

• The Terminator
• Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
• Predator