Ghostbusters

There are evil spirits infesting your house, blocking up your toilet, and turning your girlfriends into dogs! Who ya gonna call? You bet your cute tushie that it's gonna be the Boys in Grey, the one, the only, Ghostbusters! An instant horror-spoof-comedy classic when it came out in 1984, Ghostbusters lives on as one of the greatest (and most rewatchable) films of all time even twenty years later. Its lovable brand of irreverance, one line quips, and imaginative spin on the whole poltergeist phenom makes it unique in the pantheon of cinema.

Which is why, I suppose, it was inevitable that anyone and everyone wanted to cash in on the ecto-success. As far as me and my friends were concerned, they could keep their special cereals and coloring books; we just wanted new on-screen adventures. But before we launch into a blathering, saliva-spraying rant on how great the 80s were in the realm of cartoons, we have to issue a public warning:

THE GHOSTBUSTERS WEREN'T THE GHOSTBUSTERS.

Ah. Hm. That might confuse some of our readers who aren't me. Let me explain. Before the movie Ghostbusters came out in 84, there was a small (but remembered) cartoon series from the seventies bearing the same name. Or the movie bore the same name as the series. Either way, people were bearing all around, with wide, pseudonym-bearing hips ready to push out the lawsuit placenta into the world.

This is what passed as entertainment in the years of the disco?

The Ghostbusters aired from 1975-76, amid a decade rife with incredibly lame Saturday morning animation. As far as I can tell without having lived in that time period or being willing to do genuine research, the 70's Ghostbusters featured two idiots and their gorilla, all three of whom would chase down ghosts a la Scooby Doo and genuinely muck the situation up far worse than it was at the beginning. This whole series obviously had nothing to do with the movie (and vice-versa), except for a sticky situation that would arise following the movie's marketing boom.

After the movie came out, a cartoon series was inevitable (and, as most movie-cum-cartoon series are, much cheaper to make than a live-action series). However, the company that owned the seventies' Ghostbusters cartoon -- Filmation -- wanted a little piece of that juicy popularity, and decided to re-release their show with name intact, hoping to trick young viewers into watching it.

The Original Ghostbusters (or Filmation's Ghostbusters) ran in 1986, and was watched (at least as far as I knew back then) by no one. According to TV Tome, the matchup between the original (but unrelated) cartoon and the official (but differently named) cartoon went thusly:

When the movie was being made it turned out that Filmation Associates already had a show called "Ghostbusters". Due to the popularity of the Ivan Reitman directed movie, Filmation revamped their show and made it animated, "Filmations' GhostBusters" (a.k.a. "the Original GhostBusters"). So when Columbia came out with their own animated spinoff of Dan Ackroyd and Harold Ramis's "Ghostbusters" movie, they decided to call it "The REAL Ghostbusters" just to spite Filmation. But that's not all: "We've often assumed that Filmation opened litigation against Columbia. As it turns out (or at least according to Tomart's article) Columbia was free and clear to use "Ghostbusters" without Filmation's permission. When Filmation began work on their cartoon Ghost Busters, it was Columbia who turned it into a legal issue. You learn something new everyday."

We came, we saw, we kicked its...

Yes, indeed, Columbia did us all a grand favor by ushering in a terrific spin-off cartoon based on the more terrifical movie. The Real Ghostbusters began in 1986, and ran in its original form for two glorious years, a bronzed Hercules smiting the Greek critics of yore.

If you're around my age (and either a little older or younger), chances are you caught The Real Ghostbusters after school in the afternoons. I loved this show. In fact, I saw this show before I ever watched the movie (which was banned to me on suspicion of being satanic or something). The first two seasons of TRG were a true delight to the senses, a cornucopia of wit, fairly good animation, and more slime action than the Garbage Pail Kids. There ya go, another obscure reference that you X-Cube-Station whippersnappers won't understand, except for the promising ones full of the force.

The Real Ghostbusters carried on the spirit and mission of the show, performing exorcisms by brutal technology while chastising their idiot ghost pet Slimer. Slimer became a mascot of the show, whereas in the movies he's just an annoying nameless specter, but that was okay. Okay... at least for the first couple years.

While none of the actors from the film reprised their roles (considering that most of them were fairly big stars at the time), a number of famous voice actors took over and did the Ghostbuster legacy proud. Among the recognizable voices in the first couple seasons were Arsenio Hall (yes, the woof-woof-woof dude) as the voice of Winston, and Garfield's voice Lorenzo Music as the sleepy-sounding Peter Venkman.

All told, by the end of season two (1987), there were an astounding 78 episodes (some full-length, some 15 minutes) in the can.

Quotes From The Real Ghostbusters (because we love Ghostbusters quotes!)

Egon: Sometimes I think the universe just waits for me to get cocky.

Venkman: Egon, remember what I said. If you're gonna stay on this planet, you have to speak our language.

[After confronting the Bogeyman]
Egon: We've gotta go after it!
Winston: No, we don't. Show me where it says that.

[Having a conversation with himself]
Venkman: "So, Peter, did you have a nice day?" Oh, yeah. I argued with a hat and coat rack. "Oh, really?" Yeah.

Venkman: This is not fun! I've had fun! This isn't it!

Egon: Notice the vacant stare, the completely mindless look. That could only mean one thing.
Winston: She's from California?
Egon: No. She's been hypnotized.

Egon: Cthulhu makes Gozer look like Little Mary Sunshine.

Mommy, what are the bad men doing to my childhood?

Alas, all good things must end, and all pretty-good cartoons must be run into the ground by demonic network executives. Enter Slimer! And the Real Ghostbusters (1988-89), a retooling of The Real Ghostbusters forumla. Like Scrappy Doo's addition and sabotage to the Scooby Doo ensemble, so the networks forced the show to prominently feature Slimer in all stories and push the Ghostbusters to the back of the room. And the less said about the "junior Ghostbusters", the better. This spin-off lasted one miserable year (and was aimed at the little kiddies), but that was enough to tarnish the good Ghostbuster name.

As Season 3 of The Real Ghostbusters began, many of the voice talents were replaced, and the whole tone of the show changed -- and not for the better. This began the decline of the series, which should've been cancelled by a merciful diety, but was forced to degrade itself worse than early 20th century sideshow freaks. From 1987 to 1991 the show grinded to a rusty halt, adding another 62 lackluster episodes. Reportedly, the show's decline in quality and parental complaints about the violence in TRG ended the series just two years after Ghostbusters II.

This might've been the end of our tale, except for the general lunacy that roams the halls of any TV studio. For the better part of the past decade and a half, various people had been trying to get a Ghostbusters 3 underway, only to be shot down by the lack of participation by the movies' actors and a workable script. The most recent version had the old Ghostbuster team (Ray, Egon, Peter and Winston) passing the torch to a new generation of Ghostbusters, hopefully reviving the franchise and making us hardcore GB fans spit ecto-blood in protest. While the movie idea never got anywhere, the general idea was picked up as a possibility for a cartoon series. Since everyone in the latter 90s and early 00s were into retro everything, this seemed like a good idea.

It was not.

Ugh. Go drink some X-treme Mountain Dew, you posers!

In 1997, The Extreme Ghostbusters proton packed its way to the small screen. Yes, I share your wincing at anything with the word "extreme" in the title, but remember, this was 1997 when old fogey adults thought the word "extreme" appealed to the young demographic (instead of royally cheesing everyone off, as it did). The Extreme Ghostbusters brought in a mostly new team of idiots under the tutilege of Egon (Maurice LaMarche, reprising his role) and (God forbid) Slimer. I won't bother you with how cravenly PC and cross-demo-appeal this group became, but let's just say every race and gender and high school clique was represented. It was worse than all the 1990 versions of Star Trek, people! There's even a KISS-themed Goth girl in there! And a guy in a wheelchair! If that's not a sign of desperation, I don't know what is.

As expected -- at least by me -- The Extreme WhosIts lasted a grand total of FOUR months, not even breaking out of 1997, and rounding out to an even 40 episodes. Interesting bit of trivia: one of the new Ghostbusters was to be Chris Farley; show creator Dan Aykroyd never managed to replace him before the studio pulled the plug. Another bit of trivia: Billy West, veteran voice actor (and the voice of at least three major characters on Futurama) was the voice of Slimer in this series.

Quotes From Extreme Ghostbusters (because we love filler!)

Egon: Look, just because my hair is turning grey, and I'm getting flabby, my eyesight and hearing have diminished, my metabolic rate has slowed down, and I'm no longer producing brain cells, doesn't mean I'm getting old.

Kylie: Ghosts walk among us.
Eduardo: So do weird chicks.

[Upon meeting the original Ghostbusters]
Roland Jackson: The Real Ghostbusters!
Eduardo Rivera: They look real, all right. Real old.

Garrett Miller: New York, New York. The town so nice, they named it twice.

So there ya have it. Two movies, three spin-off cartoons, and one impostor. Good enough to deserve a light lunch break.