Mutant Reviewers from Hell do
"When I speak to him, I want to vomit."

1989 R / Comedy Directed by: Valerie Breiman Starring: Adam Sandler, Billy Zane, Burt Young

Tagline

The love boat was never quite like this.

Summary Capsule

A garbage scow of comedy plods through the painful waters of Sandlerosity

Mutant Meter

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Amazon.com: DVD

Justin's Rating: This is for those who thought Billy Madison was too intellectual.
Justin's Review: Every actor and actress has a skeleton or two in their filmography closet. Some have so many, they could legally be arrested as a serial killer (Rob Schnieder, we're coming for you!). Going Overboard is Adam Sandler's biggest skelly of shame - and considering his annoying status in future comedy flicks (Little Nicky is, ironically, Hell's #1 video rental since release), that is saying something.

"He's like an annoying yet dim-witted Ferris Bueller, and every time he talks to us, you'll wish an Orca whale would leap out of the ocean and swallow his curly head whole."

Going Overboard is the quaint tale of Schecky Moskowitz (Sandler), a cruise ship waiter who has aspirations to become a stage comedian. Okay, nothing that will spark the cockles of excitement in your uterus, but we've heard worse. So why is this film so utterly reviled as to be, at last check, the 10th worst movie on IMDb - beating out perennial faves like Leonard Part 6 and Gigli? Like many so-bad-they-hurt films, there's no one quick answer to it; the pain is in the complete package.

But I suppose we can begin with the fact that they couldn't leave a dumb little story alone without trying to give it the most tacky framing device in cinema history. You see, this movie… isn't real. Yeah, I know, movies aren't supposed to be real - but we are supposed to pretend they are, for the sake of fiction, while watching them. What we see is a movie made by Schecky of (mostly) fake events, in the hopes of landing a comedy gig with a fat general who, for some reason, picks this tape to watch over his extensive porn collection. Please… please don't ask me to repeat or explain that.

What's worse than this awkward fakery-within-fakery is that this device gives Schecky the power to continue addressing the camera and screwing with the movie in any way he sees fit. He's like an annoying yet dim-witted Ferris Bueller, and every time he talks to us, you'll wish an Orca whale would leap out of the ocean and swallow his curly head whole.

Schecky butts heads with the current cruise boat comedian, Dickie; Dickie's routine is mostly swears, and Schecky's routine is mostly lame duck-soup crap. It's a battle of the twits, and we are all the losers. There is, seriously, not one joke that either of these guys tell that will make you even smile, yet all of the other characters find them uproarious nonetheless. I suspect laughing gas.

Entire scenes - swaths of precious minutes of spoiled history - are given over to random unhilarity, such as a rock star with rotten teeth, or Dickie dancing for girls laying down, or an old guy with his own laugh track. If you have dentures, you best remove them before ever attempting this movie, because you'll be spitting often.

If you aren't already thinking that a day with that Nazi Gestapo guy from Raiders of the Lost Ark might be preferable to this, then I am remiss in my duties. I might have neglected to mention the dream and fantasy sequences, which are only acceptable in Scrubs and nowhere else in any published medium. I may have shielded you from Burt Young as General Noreaga, who stops the tape (movie) in the middle of watching it because Miss Australia offends him, which then prompts him to order his two worst terrorists to go kill her. Said terrorists also want to become comedians. And perhaps I've shied away from the random musical numbers and Neptune, God of the Sea (played by Billy Zane). You would thank me, later. Billy Zane would, too.

By the way, terrorists taking over a cruise boat is such a good idea, they should do it again! I'm sure it'll work out just as well. Actually, the only chuckles I got from this film were from these two guys, and they'd be kicked out of any proper movie comedy post-1990.

What you've really got to ask yourself is: how much of Adam Sandler's moronic mugging can I stomach before spewing? Because that's all this movie is, is an excruciating marathon of moments that aren't at all funny, are constantly offensive, and - to top the list of sins - aren't interesting in the slightest. Far and away deserving of the title of "One of the worst movies ever made."

Rock stars in 1989. We at MRFH are so very glad it's 2007. NEPTUNE! God of the sea! And manager of several KFC franchises in the greater Sacramento area! Yes, the Navy really is that desperate.

Didja Notice? [some sources: IMDb]

• It's Uncle Paulie from the Rocky movies!
• If the opening credits/song don't make you hate life… seriously, what will?
• When they introduce the beauty pageant girls, the film quickly skips over Miss Spain (who's not that pretty)
• He needs to really stop talking and winking at the camera
• Comedians should never wear tiny shorts or speedos
• The ugliest rock star, ever. Including Tommy Lee.
• Everyone keeps acting like they need to take normal human emotions, and push them to 200% intensity?
• Worst. Kissing. Noises. Ever.
• The pageant girl from Jamaica is incredibly white. And the France girl has no accent whatsoever.
• Do you think he doesn't care? He should say it again.
• Future Happy Madison regular, Allen Covert
• Crappy dream sequence alert!
• A… second crappy dream sequence alert!
• Bobby in drag. Thanks.
• Yay for boxing fantasy sequences.
• Noreaga feeling sorry for himself. Aww.
• They move fast in having a funeral on board.
• Billy Zane as Neptune, God of the Sea
• Billy Bob Thorton… is cool, as always
• This guy is a rock star? That song sucks on dead fish.
• Just when you don't think it can get any worse: laugh track.
• Does he have to tell the same lame joke TWICE?!?
• The Australian people are not honored by Miss Australia's song. Trust me.
• SLIMY!

Is It Worth Staying Through End Credits?

Will you be conscious by then? Probably not.

Intermission! [some sources: IMDb]

This is Adam Sandler's first feature film. The production was shot entirely on a cruise ship going from New Orleans to Cancun. The ship was going to the Miss Universe Pageant and was filled with beauty queens from all over the United States. The camera crew forgot to bring a box of lenses on the ship, so the director of photography was forced to shoot with the wrong lenses.

Groovy Quotes

Miss Texas: When I speak to him, I want to vomit.

Bambi: Actually, I have an aerobics class, so I'm going to have to take a Rain Man on that. Oh! I mean a raincheck!

Rock Star: I used to be a waiter, before I became a multi-billionaire.
Agent: Millionaire.
Rock Star: Millionaire.

Pageant Girl: Mmm! Pus!

If you liked this movie, try these:

• Speed 2: Cruise Control
• Leonard Part 6
• Billy Madison