Justin's Rating: Give me liberty, or give me a taco!
Justin's Review: You might not realize this, but most movies are really about job satisfaction. Don't feel bad, I myself did not discover this newly-minted fact until I was watching Men In Black over a few Lo-Fat Twinkies (mmm... more filling...). See, movies are almost always about (1) people with jobs we wish we had, or (2) people with dull, ordinary jobs (like waitressing or being a Canadian) who end up being employed somewhere utterly cool. As a teen, I would often watch McGyver (while constructing Twinkies out of a sponge, whipped cream, and a rubber band) and deeply wish that I could be a member of the Phoenix Foundation. It just seemed like the best job in the world: they shuttled you around to different parts of the world, not really doing anything other than hanging around until a terrorist organization starts some crap, and you can swing in to save the day. Plus, it had health benefits!

So MIB boasts a nifty job description. Agent J (Will Smith) is recruited by Agent K (Tommy Lee Jones) to help keep tabs on alien immigrants on planet Earth. In order to join, J has to effectively vanish forever, having his past erased electronically and any mention of his existance erased. I think this one bonus of the job would pull in thousands of Americans desperate to send their high school years to oblivion. J, K, and the rest of the Alphabets also get some spiffy weapons that liquidate their foes, a krikey device that wipes a human's recent memory, and a music video with that Fresh Prince guy.

This movie is one of the many 90's comic books (sor-ry, "Graphic Novels For Adults Who Complain War and Peace Had Too Few 'KABLAAMS' In It") that made the big-budget adaption to the silver screen. Although, to be honest, the silver screen isn't so much silver any more than a non-stop commercial for Coca-Cola. Hey, let's have a Senseless Survey right now, shall we?

Oh, come back, please? Will Smith's wide appeal to white folk aside, MIB's main attraction are the aliens. Star Wars has nothing on these geeks, from java-chugging little guys to a wise-cracking Pug. Which reminds me, I'm looking for a dog right now. Pugs have the added attraction of snoring WAY more than I do, so that would be a good canine choice. [Pause] Hold on...

We Break For A Special Announcement From Our MRFH Secretary

Uh, folks? That Justin guy? I think he's left the building? He said something about trained attack doggies? I don't think he'll be coming back? Call back tomorrow for a full refund?

PoolMan's Rating: Agent P? Somehow, that's not as cool as I'd hoped it would sound.
PoolMan's Review: I was pleasantly surprised last week when, whilst flipping through the channels, I came across the PREMIERE of Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Not the one where Will's whitebread cousin gets drunk and dances like Tom Jones (again), and not the one where the snobby cousin decides she wants to have a baby courtesy of a sperm bank. The very FIRST episode. Will Smith in neon green and blue wearing a hat that stuck off his head at about a 70 degree angle. So, with a grin on my face and a song in my heart ("Innnnnnn West Philadelphia/ Born and raised/ On the playground/ Is where I spent most of my days...") I sat and watched. The laughter that came out of me was truly something. Not because it was that good a show... let's face it, it wasn't. But I really had to laugh at Will Smith's origins, because man, he's come a long way, baby. Up to, including, but not limited to, one of my favourite movies ever. Which brings us, finally, to Men In Black.

Not that Will is all that made this movie. Tommy Lee Jones has such amazing capacity as the straight man, I'm surprised he's not in more comedies than he is. But to be sure, these guys have all kinds of chemistry together as Agents J and K, members of the supersecret agency known as MIB. The half of the story that Justin didn't tell is that just as J (Smith) is coming up to speed in his new career as an alien policeman, one of the nastiest, meanest, ugliest aliens comes to earth to start an intergalactic war. Much gooey blood is spilled, many "def, fresh, and phat" puns are made at K's expense, and many of earth's prominent citizens are revealed to be not from earth at all, but from worlds out of the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

There's something inherently cool about the whole premise. Like Justin said, there's a real "I wish I had that job" element here. The audience gets jealous of J really quick (or at least I did). It's a real modern fantasy. I mean, who wouldn't like to just dodge out on reality, put on some pretty cool duds, have access to the most advanced technology on (and off) earth, and flirt with Linda Fiorent- uh, destiny! It's totally escapist, but it's smart and funny at the same time. More intelligence in comedies would be appreciated these days (I'm talking to you, Scary Movie).

Watching this movie always makes me think of Ghostbusters. Not in a blatant ripoff kind of way, but in a "let 'em know we were thinking of them" kind of way. A collection of goofy guys goes up against a force that the general public doesn't believe in, deliver a series of memorable comedic speeches, and win the day with fancy weaponry and a smug grin. You've just gotta love it. The similarities are there, but make no mistake, MIB is definitely its own film.

Provided you're not an arachnophobe (the bug scenes could induce nightmares for months if you are), Men In Black stands very near the top of my personal "fave comedies of all time" list. With lots of great references, fun quotes, cool gadgets, great characters, and sharp effects, you could do a lot worse. Slap on the shades, and have fun!

The Scoop 1997 Rated PG-13 SciFi Comedy Director Barry Sonnenfeld Starring Will Smith Tommy Lee Jones Linda Fiorentino Rip Torn

Didja Notice?
In the scene where the aliens with bags packed are getting ready leave earth before it is destroyed, they are singing a weird song. It is the "Betelgeuse Death Anthem" - the same song Zaphod Beeblebrox and Ford Prefect were singing during the BBC's TV mini-series "The Hitchicker's Guide to the Galaxy" as they were preparing themselves to be killed by psycho cops.
The joke told by Kay at the restaurant that ends in the ambiguous punchline, "...yeah, but this one's eatin' my popcorn!" is the same strange joke told by the stand-up comic at the burlesque show in The Sting.
The "known aliens" visible on the screen include Al Roker, Mizrahi, Isaac, Danny DeVito, director Barry Sonnenfeld, Chloe Sonnenfeld (Barry's daughter), Sylvester Stallone, Dionne Warwick, Newt Gingrich, Anthony Robbins, George Lucas, and executive producer Steven Spielberg.
In the scene where K takes J through the arrivals and customs area, there is an alien father and son. The actress who played the father is Debbie Lee Carrington, who plays Mini Mimi on "The Drew Carey Show", while the son was played by Verne Troyer, who went on to play Mini Me in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me.
When J and K are shooting down the World Fair UFO, they switch sides.

The Movie Store!
Men In Black: Movie [VHS Widescreen]
Men In Black: Movie [DVD]
Men In Black: Soundtrack [CD]

Intermission!
Chris O'Donnell was first offered the role of J.

Linda Fiorentino "won" her role in Men in Black in a poker game with director Barry Sonnenfeld. And Clare's "boyfriend in the TV" Vincent D'Onofrio's part as Edgar/Bug Alien was nearly given to John Turturo! Boy, this could have been a way different flick! Not necessarily bad, but different.

Groovy Quotes

Zed: We're not hosting an intergalactic kegger down here.

Jay: Zed, don't you guys ever get any sleep around here?
Zed: The twins keep us on Centaurian time, standard thirty-seven hour day. Give it a few months. You'll get used to it, or you'll have a psychotic episode.

Kay: There are approximately 1500 aliens in Manhattan.
Jay: Cab drivers?
Kay: Not as many as you think.

Beatrice: You here to make fun of me too?
Kay: No, ma'am. We at the FBI do not have a sense of humor we're aware of.

K: I want you off this rock on the next transport or I'm gonna shoot you where it don't grow back.

Bug: Ever pull the wing off a fly? Care to see the fly get even?

(J realizes the capacity of the neuraliser, which deletes memories)
J: Did you ever flashy-thing me?
K: No.
J: I ain't playing, K. Did you ever flashy-thing me?
K: No.

J: This has GOT to be a nine-point-oh on my weird-s**t-o-meter.

J: Unlimited technology from the whole universe, and we cruise 'round in a Ford P.O.S.

J: You do know that Elvis is dead, don't you?
K: No he's not. He just went back home.

If you liked this movie, try these:
Ghostbusters
The X-Files
The Frighteners

DVD Review
This "Collector's Series" DVD is packed to it's eye-gills in extras, but suffers from one annoying flaw: some of the graphics and a lot of the text are grainy, which is a shame since the rest of this DVD looks so freakin' good. Animated menus (inside MIB HQ) are supplemented by quotes from the movie, and N'yeeeeeet and Bob are here to guide us to DVD bliss. The movie itself is a great widescreen rendition with some awesome sound effects (I had to turn my speakers down twice during explosions and such). Like the great Ghostbusters DVD, there's an audio/visual commentary, with the outlines of director Barry Sonnenfeld and actor Tommy Lee Jones in the lower part of the screen. They also make judicious use of Monday Night Football-style on screen drawing, circling things to bring our attention to them.

A really cool feature is the ability to view the tunnel/rocket-car scene in five different stages of creation by pressing the "angle" button to switch between the storyboards, in-studio shooting, SFX creation, and final product. There's a groovy featurette showing the creation process (in fast-forward) of how MIB the comic book came to be, and then the movie. There's a handful of alternate or extended scenes (nothing thrilling), some production art and photos and that sort of stuff that's not really fun to look at except to the people who made it. Finally, there's some trailers (MIB, Ghostbusters, and Bad Boys), another featurette, talent bios, and the Men in Black music video. I can't really think of anything else they could have added to this disc, and I was pleasantly surprised that the first featurette was pretty entertaining.

Soundtrack Review
A very decent score by Danny Elfman, with a bunch of dire songs tacked on for the album (including the exponentially annoying "Here comes the Men in Black" rap).