Mutant Reviewers from Hell do
"Y'see, when a girl decides that you're her friend, you're no longer a dating option. You become a complete non-sexual entity in her eyes, like a brother... or a lamp."

2005 PG-13 / Comedy Romance Directed by: Roger Kumble Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Amy Smart, Anna Faris

Tagline

He loves her. She loves him not.

Summary Capsule

Guy in the "friend zone" with long-time crush returns to her hometown a thinner man.

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Justin's Rating: That's the power of love. Or so I'm told.
Justin's Review: I realize that MRFH has become the occasional therapy ward for our happy-yet-neurotic staff who wish somehow to vent their lives to the world through the thinly-veiled metaphor of movies. It's either that, or we're walking into a Burger King one day and holding His Royal Highness at needlepoint until he surrenders to Mayor McCheese. However, this also has the unfortunate side effect of tempting us to become completely egocentric.

"With the surety of a cow playing chicken with an oncoming train, Chris gets his feelings smashed and dragged five hundred yards in the gravel."

Ah, who cares? Just Friends might as well just go with a large cash settlement with me to avoid the inevitable lawsuit I'll file for ripping off my life's story. Chances are, it's yours too. Fancy a class action?

As a complete dweeb in high school, I suffered the triple whammy of being overweight, an overt nerd who didn't know better to hide that sort of affliction, and an absolute magnet for the opposite sex — to be "just friends" with. I had more girl-space-friends, even through college, than you could shake a hefty and well-meaning stick at. If this sounds familiar to you, than you too know what it's like being in the "friend zone", where they see you as a precious and dear friend, and you want nothing more than to see them naked, dancing and singing songs about your virility before [censored by MRFH standards & practices department]. The friend zone is known and loathed by many on both sides of the gender fence, a zone in which it simultaneously attracts and repels you until you're pretty much half-mad and eat cake with a straw.

Chris (Ryan Reynolds) was a chubby dork in high school who was BFF (best friends forever) with Jamie (Amy Smart). He was deeply in love with her; she was completely oblivious. With the surety of a cow playing chicken with an oncoming train, Chris gets his feelings smashed and dragged five hundred yards in the gravel. This propels him out of New Jersey (yay!) and over to L.A. (boo!) where he drops a lot of weight, takes up hockey and becomes a successful record mogul who sleeps with anything that burps estrogen.

Life is not all daisies, however. Forced to woo ditzy and insane pop star Samantha Jones (Anna Faris) to his label, Chris finds himself making an emergency landing in — of all places — New Jersey and right back into the friend zone.

That's right; even though he's accomplished everything that most people would label success, in his hometown he's still "chubby cheeks" and "just a friend" to Jamie (who's now working a bar). Under the withering fire of previous expectations, his new life cracks and falters until the old dweeb pops back out, trying to make desperate plays for the woman he once loved and never had.

With such potentially depressing subject matter, I would not blame you one whit if you thought Just Friends to be a perfect movie right before you swallowed a handful of sleeping pills. Yet it's not, not in the least. Reynolds proves my faith in his physical comedy from Van Wilder by bringing his patent mix of sarcasm, exaggerated facial expressions and a general likable veneer with him. He's simultaneously a richie jerk and a nerd in disguise, and pulls off both well.

In short, you just need to know that this is one very funny movie. By the (lame) end, I couldn't really care if Jamie hooked up with Chris or not, but I vastly enjoyed the journey there. Samantha is a riot of a crazy, spoiled brat of an "artist" that takes everything we've seen on MTV and American Idol and presents it to us plump for target practice; Chris and his younger brother Mike partake in an antagonistic relationship that consists mainly of slapping and full body contact; Chris' mother (the ever-awesome Julie Hagerty) is the most clueless woman in nine states; and Santa eventually gets torched. Are you sold yet?

Whether you're the one in the friend zone or the customs officer ushering in your acquaintances to it while you hook up with complete gherkins, Just Friends could bring you closer together, if just for a night.

Oh, and Lori, Ann, Emily, Renee, Tina, Tracy, Jill and Misty? I'm married now. This is the zone for me.

I'm nostalgic for my first fat suit too It's a choo-choo train! Having Anna Faris nibble on your lower lip: it's hard being a movie star

Didja Notice? [some sources: IMDb]

• In the diner scene when the waitress brings Chris the "mountain" of pancakes, he indignantly tells Jamie that he has not and does not eat sweets. Yet in the Christmas morning scene, Chris' brother Mike offers him one of Mom's Christmas cookies and he accepts it and takes a bite out of it.
• The awesome Santa scene!
• The Notebook... NOOOO!

Is It Worth Staying Through End Credits?

Definitely — Chris (Ryan Reynolds) lip-syncs to "I Swear"

Intermission! [some sources: IMDb]

During filming, Ryan Reynolds stepped outside while in full fat make-up. A fan of his came up to him and asked if Ryan Reynolds was inside. He said yes and pretended he wasn't himself.

Groovy Quotes

Samantha James: I'm sorry I'm not poor! I'm sorry I don't have a fat ass.

Chris' Mom: Dusty, what kind of car is this?
Dusty: Carol, this little Japanese princess here is called the Prius.
Chris' Mom: I think it's so neat that you kids care about the environment.
Chris: I love the environment.
Chris' Mom: But honey, don't you drive a Range Rover? Aren't those bad?

Samantha James: Whoopsie! I'm naked.

Chris: When I'm with you it feels like we are in our own little Chris and Jamie world.

Mike: You are so hot.
Samantha James: I know!

Chris' Mom: [Starts dialing while Chris is on the phone] Joyce?... Joyce?
Chris: No, Mom, I'm on the phone.
Chris' Mom: What are you doing at Joyce's house?
Chris: Mom, I'm in the Living Room, ten feet away from you...
Chris' Mom: Well, while I have you on the phone dear... what would you like for dinner?

Samantha James: Wait a minute, am I being Punk'D? Oh my god! Ashton, you really got me! Ha Ha! Ashton! Ashton?

Samantha James: You and I are gonna be the greatest musical manager team since Jessica Simpson and her father only you and I get to "mreow" and they can't, 'cause it's illegal. I looked it up.

Samantha James: I love it that you're taking me home to meet your mom. Was this one of your clever little plans?
Chris: Yes. I planned you setting the plane on fire.

Chris: Y'see, when a girl decides that you're her friend, you're no longer a dating option. You become a complete non-sexual entity in her eyes, like a brother... or a lamp.
Ray: I don't want to be a lamp...

Clark: [Chris and Clark are discussing how Chris didn't have sex with Jamie the night before] Are you guys on the same menstrual cycle yet, or what?

Samantha James: God, I wanna lick your skin off!
Chris: I'd prefer you didn't.

If you liked this movie, try these:

• National Lampoon's Van Wilder
• Waiting...
• Say Anything