Crime doesn't pay. While maybe not so true in real life, Hollywood has overly enforced the fact that if you're bad in a movie, you're darn well going to suffer the consequences with a few bullet holes in your chest. Back in the early days of cinema (30s and 40s), studios conformed to a "morality code" that applied to all of their movies. Among other things, this code stated that any bad guy in a film could not win, and in fact HAD to suffer for his or her wrongdoings by the end of the movie. While the code was replaced with the present movie rating system, most films still promote this idea of perfect justice. Good guys must win, bad guys must lose, and the badder they are, the more they must suffer:

Hero: For your crimes, we are super-gluing a wart-covered nose onto your face, tattooing the letter "A" onto your forehead, and sending you back in time to the Spanish Inquisition.
Bad Guy: But all I did was jaywalk across the street to get coffee!
Hero: Don't talk back! For that, you're getting a mean tar and feathering, mister!

In theory, I support all of this. Evil must perish, good must prevail. But after countless films where a lone hero overthrows a criminal conspiracy, I began to feel for the bad guys. They are the true underdogs of cinema: condemned to lose no matter what. You don't seriously go into a Lethal Weapon flick and say, "Oh, gee, Mel's got himself in over his head this time! Surely, he's going to be killed!" Now, not all villains are of the super-smart category. Some exist just to be threatening, or possess some martial arts skills to show off at the end fight, or to take a chainsaw around to the local populace as some sort of bloody census poll. But the bad guys I tend to root for are the ones that do show a shred of brain activity, that have a very viable plan that could -- and would -- work, except that the contemptible good guy has to show off. Here's a list of reasons why I pull for movie masterminds:

1. They Have A Dream

Call it what you will -- robbery, blowing up Starbucks headquarters, uploading a virus that shuts down AOL forever -- villain leaders are never short on vision. While the hero is mucking about mourning over a lost love or being a failure at the local precinct, our bad guy not only develops a worthy plan but then has the cajones to follow through with it. I used to have a college friend who would come up with utterly diabolical plans to fight our college administration and shut down the college forever. Good plans, plans that might have worked had be been more than just talk. I think he's a Microsoft engineer now. But you've got to admire people who pursue their dreams.

Part of the fun of these kinds of movies is seeing exactly the intricate plan that the villain comes up with. Alan Rickman in Die Hard and that Jeremy Irons in Die Hard with a Vengeance both had awesome plans. They kept their eye on the big reward, scoffed at people who said "it couldn't be done", and nearly pulled it off. I almost wish they did.

2. They Recruit An Army To Do Their Bidding

Sure, we just take for granted that it's fairly easy for any bad guy to round up an army of merciless killers. Have YOU ever tried to do that? I think most of us would probably get as far as picking up a copy of Soldier of Fortune and leafing through the classified before chickening out. Plus, you have to provide your soldiers proper monetary motivations to put their lives on the line and follow orders unquestionably.

Example:
You: [on the phone] Hey Brad! I need your help with something.
Brad: Sure man, anything.
You: Can you pick up an AK-47, sell all your possessions, drive over to my house, kill thousands of innocents at my command, and be prepared to sacrifice your life if it suits my plan?
Brad: [pause] Um... dude, I'm not sure about that...
You: Oh, and I can't afford a dental plan, so bring your toothbrush.

3. They Aren't Afraid Of Taking On The LAPD SWAT Team, The FBI, CIA, And Navy Seals

To prove they're more than just fancy talk, our bad masters (that sounds like a dog term, doesn't it?) don't show any second thoughts in going toe-to-toe with the toughest our country has to offer. After all, these dedicated professionals who have years and years of dealing with criminals are easily overcome by THE PLAN. I've rarely seen a movie where the bad guys are actually bothered in the least by dozens of armed, professional agents on their tail.

Example:
Police On Speakerphone: Give up now and come along peacefully, or we're going to authorize the Mounties to organize a massive assault on your fortress!
Bad Guys On Speakerphone: [Choked laughter] I'm... I... I'm sorry... [Raucus, hooting laughter] Go, go, go ahead. We're shaking in our horse booties. [Laughter so intense that several bad guys faint]

4. They Adapt And Revise According To Events

No criminal mastermind worth his salt quits when the first dozen lackies are taken out by the perky hero. No, they are flexible as well as smart, and I always enjoy seeing determination to see THE PLAN carried through force our villains to come up with sub-plans and other inventive ideas. After all, it's never fun to have a bad guy that can't give the hero a run for his/her money. Often, these plan revisions come in the form of kidnapping a loved one of the hero, which unfortunately seems to piss the good guy off more than scare him away.

Even when the villain's entire army is whittled away and there is absolutely ZERO chance of the plan succeeding, they don't give up being evil and meekly go to jail. No siree, their hard work and perseverance is seen through the final epic fight.

Example:
Hero: Give it up, Mr. Demento. Your lair is in smoldering ruins, your army slaughtered, your dog neutered, and your bomb deactivated. Face it, you've lost!
Villain: But... but... I still have this PAPERCLIP! [tries to stab hero in the neck with the pointy end and gets shot for his efforts] Oh, drat.

5. Many Times, They're More Interesting Than The Heroes

While Dr. Evil from Austin Powers might have capitalized on this fact, there have been endless amounts of pretty intruiging bad guys. Saddam Hussein from Hot Shots Part Deux. Darth Vader from Star Wars. Anyone fighting against Steven Segal or Jean-Claude Van Damme. While the good guys are limited in their acting repetoire to just being resolved, our bad guys can deliver over-the-top speech after over-the-top speech with gleeful abandon. They get mascots and cool superpowers and toys and torture devices. They tend to have dating problems, still in that "take" mode rather than the "woo" one.

I would really love to see a movie made where an inspired bad guy with A PLAN has to heroically fend off endless hordes of do-gooders to actually succeed in the end. If you saw that awesome episode of the Simpsons where Homer is employed by a James Bond villain (who actually sees his plan through), then you might get the idea what territory such a movie could explore. This villain would have to be top-notch, something above the bad guys of Quentin Tarantino flicks, worthy of success.

Or we could just make a movie of my life, same thing.