Q: What is "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure"
A: BaTEA (pronounced "Baa-tee") is a 1988 time travel comedy that stars ex-vampire Alex Winter as Bill S. Preston Esquire and future-Neo Keanu Reeves as Ted Theodore Logain.

Q: What is an "Esquire", anyway?
A: A person who grooms the undersides of horses.

Q: What's up with Ted's middle name? I mean, Ted is short for Theodore!
A: You just answered your own question. I hope you're happy.

Q: What is the object that the future people lower into their chamber and then change into a time traveling phone booth?
A: It's a giant salt shaker.

Q: Why do the future people wear sunglasses *inside*?
A: Because their future is so bright, they gotta wear shades.

Q: Where is San Dimas?
A: San Dimas is a fictional town made up for the movie, residing in the fictional state of California.

Q: What locales and eras are shown in the film?
A: San Dimas, 2688. San Dimas, 1988. Austria, 1805. New Mexico, 1879. England, 15th century. Austria, 1901. Germany, 1810. France, 1429. Outer Mongolia, 1209. White House, 1863. San Dimas, 1,000,000 B.C.

Q: They still play mini golf and bowl in the future?
A: They need to take their minds off the fact that George Carlin is partially in charge of their society.

Q: What is up with replacing the letter "I" in words with "Y", such as "Wyld Stallyns"?
A: This boggles our mind that people ever and still think it is cool. Doubly so for feminists who write women as "womyn".

Q: Why do Bill and Ted have a drum set in their garage when both of them play guitar, and there are no other band members?
A: Sometimes Bill's Uncle Lou likes to come out and wail away.

Q: What kind of school has a HISTORY final report take place in an auditorium in front of the whole school?
A: C'mon, allow for the fact that California isn't as shallow as the rest of the country and treasures knowledge and culture.

Q: So what's up with Missy? How old is she?
A: Missy is about three years older than Bill and Ted, which puts her around 19-21 years of age.

Q: So if a girl practically your age marries your dad, who is twice your age, is it considered incestual to make googly eyes at her?
A: Apparently so, as Bill was considering gauging his eyes out at the end of the movie (note the reference to Oedipus).

Q: What is on the back of Bill's girlie half-shirt?
A: A hand-drawn picture of a stallion's head. A wyld stallyn.

Q: What approaches to parenting does this film portray?
A: Either sow your wild oats with jailbait, or have the military raise your kids for you.

Q: Let's discuss the Phone Booth Spatial Conundrum. How could a phone booth that size -- that maybe, MAYBE could hold four people -- end up stuffed with eight people?
A: The PBSC has a few reasonable solutions. The first is that a shot is shown of the whole crowd riding it sideways (standing on the side with their bodies poking out of the door). The second is that we have to allow for the future technology that may allow more space inside while keeping the regular dimensions outside. The third is that the filmmakers really, really liked those clowns who fit thirty to a car.

Q: If they were riding the booth with their heads stuck out of it in the Circuits of History, how were they able to breathe? Also, Napoleon?
A: Lots of air in history, dude.

Q: When the future Bill and Ted visiting the present B&T in the Circle K parking lot, why didn't they just give the present B&T all the historical people from their booths and save the present B&T the time of having to go through history?
A: Because then the future B&T would not have anywhere to go or anything to do, and the movie would end much more quickly.

Q: How can you roll out of a suit of armor and leave it intact?
A: Loads of vaseline.

Q: How is Bill able to use the phone booth as a regular phone and not accidentally transport himself to Woodstock?
A: All-purpose future technology. He could also hiss in it and dial up to a modem.

Q: How can the time in San Dimas always be running if they have a time machine?
A: As with all people from all eras, Bill and Ted have the ability to move through time, but they are always bound to their own time. Therefore, they will never "fit" back into their world unless they arrive back at the current (actual) time, and not the time they left.

Q: That was almost coherent.
A: Thank you. We let our dog assist us on that one.

Q: Who wins the poker game?
A: The educational system of New Mexico, who received 50% of the ante.

Q: What is the giant room that B&T land in in the San Dimas future?
A: Considering that they worship Keanu Reeves even after seeing Point Break, we're assuming it's a future mental asylum.

Q: So Napoleon really likes his ice cream, doesn't he?
A: He's a Ziggy Piggy, dude.

Q: What is the green frog-like creature hopping around on the circuits of history?
A: Neo-Kermit.

Q: So does this FAQ feel like spontaneously composing a lyric or two on the utter cuteness of Joan of Arc?
A: Yes. "We like girls with swords and big wide eyes / That she's into arobics is no surprise"

Q: Joan of Arc looks familiar...
A: She's played by Jane Wiedlin from the Go Go's.

Q: What is the best scene of the film?
A: When Khan is being fed meat by his harem, then spits out a mouthful to make out with a girl. What more do you need?

Q: What bumper sticker is Ted wearing?
A: Save The Humans.

Q: What are the "fake" names that B&T make up for the historical figures?
A: Dave Beethoven, Maxine of Arc, Herman the Kid, Bob Ghengis Kahn, Socrates Johnson, Dennis Frued, and Abraham Lincoln.

Q: Why are sped up motion sequences so funny?
A: Just cause. That's why.

Q: So I can see why most of the historical figures were arrested at the mall, but why Beethoven? He was invited to play, and it's not like he's a slouch at the piano anyway.
A: One can only have so many repititions of Chariots of Fire.

Q: Does San Dimas high school football rule?
A: Indeed, it does.

Q: How can the B&T from the future rig the trashcan to fall on Ted's dad's head at that moment?
A: One would assume that B&T from the future were in the room with B&T from the present, waiting to drop the can at the right moment.

Q: Thank you for your time.
A: Next time, I get to be the "Q".