Nothing is more dangerous than you when your ire is irked by inane idosyncratic movies. We know this. Perhaps more than Joe Moviegoer (who recently divorced Jane Moviegoer and is now seeing Cindy Popcorn on the side), we at MRFH have been subjected to some of the l33t (sorry) worst films ever to grace the screen. We're scarred, we have plucked our eyes out multiple times, but we're still in the game.
Each MRFH staff member nominated 20 movies for this list. Each list was separated into four sections, a 4-point section of five movies, a 3-point section, etc. This allowed us to give our most loathed movies more of a push, but also to put on some lesser crappy flicks that needed to be flogged. The list was compiled, movies had their points added, and the result is the list before you. It counts down starting with the movies that had 1 point, down to #1, which had the most points. Thus, a movie that had one person give it 4 points would be equal to 4 people giving it one point, and so on. |
Here, then, is the MRFH Insistute of Film Stuff: Worst Skanky Movies. It's a list, not comprehensive, but certainly broad, of the most aggravating flicks that us staffers call our own personal vendettas. Some of these films stand alone as the sole opinion of one reviewer; some have full backing of the entire staff. There were tons of movies that we would've loved to put on the list, but didn't make the final cut, so don't be-a hitting that e-mail button to write some spitting all-caps message about how we missed In The Army Now.
So without ado (because that just sticks to the bottom of your soles and gets nasty), here's the List, counting down to the #1 worst skanky movie of all time:
83. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
A little boy in the Red Light district... could've been a different movie
82. Star Wars
Please don't egg your screen. Respect that some people might just not WANT to go to Tashi station to pick up some power converters!
81. Urban Legend: Final Cut
So finger-gnawingly bad that it actually makes you feel nostalgic for the dog in the microwave of the first movie
80. Sweethearts
Possibly the most depressing romance movie in the world
79. Batman the Movie
The film that took men prancing around in tights to a ridiculous homoerotic level
78. Boys and Girls
When puppy dog tails and sugar collide
77. Repossessed
This could happen to you if you don't pay your bills
76. Brokedown Palace
Aren't women prison movies, y'know, supposed to be more fun than this?
75. Impulse (1984)
The id unleashed... is this a good thing?
74. The Curse
I don't think anyone honestly knows of this movie
73. Chairman of the Board
How Carrot Top threw his groove into our faces, and how we did not laugh
72. Judge Dredd
Anyone else think his costume looks like Halloween plastic?
71. Lethal Weapon 4
Chris Rock needs his lips stapled shut
70. Weekend At Bernie's 2
The movie that dared to say, "We killed him in the first one, and he's still dead... yeah... um... yeah."
69. Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
No movie should rest its entire efforts on the shoulder of a midget
68. Disney's Atlantis
I miss the times when the sea creatures actually sang and danced about how they wanted to be in my horrible world
67. Down To You
Up To Chuck
66. Spice World
Would be much better if you could jump into the frame and strangle these yapping grrrrrls
65. Predator
Huh? What? Someone hates this film? Geez... it HAS romance!
64. Bio-Dome
This would still be on the list solely for Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin biting each other's toenails
63. Eyes Wide Shut
The title is a great suggestion what to do while viewing this film
62. The Blair Witch Project
Blair Witch 1, Heather's Flapping Lips 0
61. A Clockwork Orange
So if we're forced to watch this movie as some sort of brainwashing session, do we have to get the irony?
60. Xanadu
Xanadon't. Sorry. We're out of quippy ideas.
59. John Carpenter's Vampires
John Carpenter's Cliches
58. Forces of Nature
Sandra B. and her Amazing Racoon makeup
57. Halloween: H20
If nothing else, it takes peeving abbreviations to a new level
56. The Thirteenth Floor
Just like The Matrix! Just without the techno, or weapons, or originality.
55. Vibes
Cyndi Lauper. Jeff Goldblum. As psychics. Searching for lost gold. So painful. Must use. Fragments.
54. Hanging Up
Waitaminute... a dysfunctional family full of sisters HAS to be fun to watch, doesn't it? DOESN'T IT?
53. Robocop 2
Man, Detroit is really going down the drains these days
52. Alien Resurrection
The French: In Space
51. Rush Hour 2
The first movie was mildly funny, even more mildly original. Quick! Make a sequel!
50. Die Hard 2: Die Harder
Naked guy doing yoga pretty much scared us from the first 10 minutes on
49. Crow 2: City of Angels
So how do you honor a movie star that dies in the making of a movie? Produce a forgettable sequel that kills the franchise.
48. Lost Highway
The film that begs you to shoot your TV and leave it for dead
47. The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
Gay drag queens touring all over Australia listening to ABBA. Just as good as it sounds.
46. Bounce
The traditional guy romance: kill off the competition, then move in on the sugar
45. Dumb and Dumber
Maybe it's just a guy thing...
44. Godzilla
We never thought we'd say this, but Japanese filmmaking has finally outdone the American version
43. Batman Forever
Because replacing Batman, giving him a wimpy partner, and putting him in a Neon universe is a GOOD thing!
42. The Phantom of the Mall: Eric's Revenge
Pauly Shore is... Buzz!
41. The Astronaut's Wife
See, the more interesting film might've been, I dunno, THE ASTRONAUT
40. Phantom of the Opera (1989)
If only they hadn't made the questionable decision to have the B-52 rescore Andrew Lloyd Weber's songs
39. Quiz Show
I'll take Boring Predictable Crap for $100, please
38. Nightmare (1981)
AHHHH! AHHHHH!! AHHHH! Boogeyman in the closet!
37. Troll 2
A film about college seniors scoping out the incoming freshmen
36. American Gothic
Admire the video box. Stay the hell away from the movie.
35. Barb Wire
When Breasts Attack!
34. The Mummy Returns
You knew, you just KNEW you should have run away the second a small peppy child was set to star!
33. Unbreakable
Slowest superhero movie ever
32. Jaws: The Revenge
Poor SeaWorld... well, I hear they have beer there
31. Tremors 2: Aftershocks
Also known as the movie where the underground worms stopped being so shy
30. Speed 2: Cruise Control
Watch out! That very, very, very, very slow boat is going to crash! Sometime! Maybe in the next hour! I hate my life!
29. What Dreams May Come
Mommy, I'm so confused about the whimsical theology of this depressing movie!
28. Highlander 2: The Quickening
Proving once again, if a popular actor dies in the first movie, there is no scriptwriter alive that can keep him from coming back in the sequel
27. Red Planet
At least it got the color right
26. Me, Myself and Irene
The cow was funny, the rest a brutal reminder that gross equals gross
25. Tomb Raider
Ya would think this would've been impossible to screw up, but...
24. Dungeons and Dragons
A movie possibly created by an actual junior high D&D club
23. Joe Dirt
Filling the void the world had for a Redneck Adventure Flick
22. Billy Madison
Stupid Billy! Stupid Billy! Stupid Billy!
21. Loser
A good case for why people should not be allowed to have empathy for movie characters
20. Star Wars: The Phantom Menace
The Day The CGI Effects Took Over Legitimate Filmmaking
19. Whipped
Integrity. Dignity. Sexual equality. Chivalry. Your soul. Just a few concepts this movie totally destroys.
18. Half-Baked
Geez, watching people stoned should be more fun... wait, maybe that's "watching people WHILE stoned"... wait, MRFH doesn't endorse drug use... crap, here comes our lawyers...
17. Very Bad Things
Shortened from it's original title, "Very Bad Things and Some Worse Stuff and Some Stuff That Will Make You Lose Faith In Human Nature"
16. Son of the Blob
DnaError saw this and it caused him to go through puberty five times
15. Supergirl
Um... did no one tell her that wearing a loose skirt while flying over the heads of every teenager in the world might be a bad idea?
14. Con Air
When you just boil down to the essentials, this is just a diabetes awareness commercial
13. The Evil Dead
Perhaps the only tree molestation scene in cinema history
12. Halloween 5
Those masks always fog up on me too
11. Star Trek V: The Final Frontier
God needs a starship? Shatner needs a toupee?
10. TerrorVision
Yeah I've got a monster in my TV too... the 1-800-CALLATT manic/depressive siren's call
9. Natural Born Killers
Because most other serial killer movies leave a good taste in your mouth
8. Glory Daze
Affleck and the Evil Facial Hair
7. Showgirls
The NC-17 train wreck that you must watch to believe in its complete badness
6. Scary Movie
What's scary is how popular this digusting pile of cinematic turds turned out to be with the moviegoing public
5. Alien 3
Just like Aliens, only with the joy of life sucked out of it
4. Little Nicky
Although we like the idea of Adam Sandler in Hell, we just wish it would've been much less painful for us to watch
3. Batman and Robin
Why BatNipples destroyed my superhero dreams
2. Battlefield Earth
Klingons on stilts. Travolta with dreds. Blurred slo-mo nonstop. SciFi illogic. This much badness should never be allowed all in the same movie.
1. The Doom Generation
The film that launched the most violent blood fued in MRFH history
