Mutant Reviewers from Hell do
"You destroyed our homes and made us what we've become. Boom! Boom! Boom!"

2006 R / Horror Suspense Directed by: Alexandre Aja Starring: Dan Byrd, Emilie de Ravin, Aaron Stanford

Tagline

The lucky ones die first.

Summary Capsule

A family headed to a California vacation by way of desert back roads come under siege by a consequence of domestic nuclear testing: mutated inbred freaks!

Mutant Meter

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Amazon.com: DVD

Kyle's Rating: Probably how Friday the 13th should be, but thankfully isn't
Kyle's Review: If you've seen High Tension/Haute Tension, then you can imagine the absolutely blood-soaked unpleasantness director Alexandre Aja infuses his second big horror film with. I have to admit upfront that I've never seen the original, and I don't intend to: I've heard it's much more "lame" than "classic," and the ideals of '70s horror, especially survivalist horror like Wes Craven's original is a prime example of, seldom appeal to me. Plus, as my friend astutely noted, the remake has Emilie de Ravin in it. Winner!

"I never really wanted to see someone place a shotgun under their chin and graphically blow their head off; I've gotten on fine for years with movie sometimes depicting such a thing but cutting away for maximum dramatic effect without actually showing anything."

So here's another big family (rather happy, with only slight hints of dysfunction, mostly between the overbearing father and the wimpy son-in-law) going for a summer vacation in California by way of an endless desert. A desert that, as it so happens, was the sight of early domestic nuclear weapons tests, and is still undergoing governmental observance today (not a job you'd want, as the pre-title sequence illustrates). Back then, all desert residents were told to evacuate so as to avoid radiation poisoning and illness. Most complied. Some stayed behind. What happens to people and their offspring when they're living in an irradiated wasteland? If you guessed "become murderous, inbred cannibals preying on unlucky travelers with savage brutality" then you win a prize! Hooray!

That's the movie. Family gets directed to their probable doom by skuzzy gas station attendant, family gets stranded, family splits up to get help, family get largely slaughtered. The acting is impressive because the surviving characters depict a believable descent into desperation: like most horror films with evil inbred freaks the freaks themselves seem completely unbeatable until the heroes "man up," but usually the survivors don't seem capable of getting crazy. These survivors get crazy and you believe it. That's cool. It's a sincere and polished take on such an idea, with a lot of innovative and genuinely shocking moments (what happens to the dad left my mouth agape). If it wasn't so completely unpleasant and brutal, I think I'd recommend it much more whole-heartedly.

There's some impressive gore here. I never really wanted to see someone place a shotgun under their chin and graphically blow their head off; I've gotten on fine for years with movie sometimes depicting such a thing but cutting away for maximum dramatic effect without actually showing anything. But now that I've see it (thanks, Alexandre Aja!), it's like "whoa!" You'll get your High Tension (unrated) groove on with various shotgun blasts and brutal head-bashings, if that sort of thing's your bag.

Amusingly, there's a highly ironic patriotic theme running through this movie, which seems to reach an apex with a one character's "triumph" over an opponent. I suppose in post-9/11 America it's a slippery slope dealing with historical fact while maintaining a complex tone towards the country, especially when the facts deal with nuclear testing on American land. I'm not entirely sure how successful Hills is delving into such subject matter, but I admire the attempt.

Surprisingly, it's a very self-contained movie. All loose threads are tied up. Villains are appropriately brutal and relentless, unless for the sake of a hero catching his or her breath they have to take a seemingly uncharacteristic moment to toy around. As in the original, the surviving heroes have to become as brutal or perhaps worse than the mutant hill-people preying on them... but they only deliver a killing blow if there's opportunity to gross out the audience. If the practically-dead inbred freak can use a radio to call for reinforcements or pick up a weapon the exhausted hero has dropped (said hero foolishly thinking the fight's over despite his freakish opponent still drawing breath), then they're left alive. If there's no jump scene potential left in a freak, then and only then can a heroic character run up with a pick-axe and drive it deep into the bad guy's eye socket.

But, I mean, if you're looking for brutal and bloody survivor horror, and you happen to think that your average Friday the 13th or teen slasher movie is just a little too weak and family-friendly: 2006's The Hills Have Eyes is meant for you. It does what it should and it does it well. A little too well, for my tastes. I won't be seeing it again. Emilie de Ravin is absolutely gorgeous and I'm dying to see her in more films (I missed a friend's Brick night a few weeks back: I won't make that mistake again!), but she's not enough to motivate a replay here. Stick to Wrong Turn if you don't want to feel icky well past the end credits.

"Candygram!" Oh... whew... it's just next-door neighbor Frank, returning my axe. Thank you, Frank. God bless America!

Didja Notice? [some sources: IMDb]

• The photos of mutations that play during the opening credits are not of atomic mutation, but birth defects caused by the use of Agent Orange in Vietnam.

Is It Worth Staying Through End Credits?

Sure. I sat there letting it play while I typed up my review, and the music that played through the credits was pretty good. Go for it!

Intermission! [some sources: IMDb]

Based on the myth of the Sawney Bean family who cannibalized transients in 17th century Scotland.

The mutants were created by CGI, physical effects or both. Most of the mutants with full deformations were created by prosthetic makeup. But the deformed children who were playing were digitally distorted using tracking dots on their faces. Ruby was a mixture of the two, using the tracking dots for distortion and prosthetic teeth.

The gas station set was built on location in Morocco. It was so authentic that people were always stopping to buy gas.

Groovy Quotes

Small Deformed Child: Mister, will you play with us?

Doug Bukowski: [while searching for baby Katherine, Doug encounters Big Brains] Where's my daughter?
Big Brain: I don't know where she is, I never leave this place. Your people asked our families to leave. So we hid in the mines, and you brought out your bombs and turned everything to ashes! You destroyed our homes and made us what we've become. Boom! Boom! Boom! [Laughs]
Doug Bukowski: What's so Funny?
Big Brain: It's breakfast time!

Doug Bukowski: (cursing his cell phone) 97% of nation wide service, and we get stuck in the 3%.

Big Bob: Bobby, leave Doug alone. He's a democrat. He doesn't believe in guns.

If you liked this movie, try these:

• Wrong Turn
• Cabin Fever
• Race With the Devil