Superhero Comic Books Vs. Superhero Movies

Comic Books:
Display wildly distorted physiques and ridiculously hypermuscled anatomy.

Movies:
Have to settle for Ben Affleck and George Clooney's chin clefts and some molded plastic pectorals.

Winner:
Movies. Let's have some actual humans up there on the screen. Aw, heck, Ben and George are close enough.

Comic Books:
The classic silhouette of Batman's cowl remains an iconic image.

Movies:
We've had five of these movies now, and they still haven't made a cowl that will allow an actor to turn his head normally.

Winner:
Comic books.

Comic Books:
Show women wearing humiliatingly revealing outfits that rob them of all dignity.

Movies:
Four words: Halle Berry as Catwoman.

Winner:
Tie. Or possibly bind.

Comic Books:
Characters utter whole paragraphs of exposition while flying through the air.

Movies:
Substitute voiceovers over action scenes or flashbacks.

Winner:
Movies. Watch the action. Ignore the nagging voice.

Comic Books:
The X-Men comics use the metaphor of mutant powers to discuss issues of prejudice, nationalism, and the failure of politics to solve world problems.

Movies:
Becoming a mutant is reduced to a metaphor for coming out of the closet.

Winner:
Comic books.

Comic Books:
Characters take unreasonable amounts of punishment with few physical marks to show for it.

Movies:
…And the actors have to actually breathe in those clothes.

Winner:
Movies.

Comic Books:
The visions of different writers and artists add fresh takes to old characters and situations.

Movies:
The same could be said of directors, except that two of them are Joel Schumacher and Brett Ratner.

Winner:
Comic Books. Shudder.

Comic Books:
Physically disfigured people are evil or deranged.

Movies:
…Ditto.

Winner:
None. Darkman broke this rule, which is why it didn't make as much as Batman and Robin despite the latter sucking like a Hoover Dustette.

Comic Books:
Characters' personal lives are lurid and hyperdramatized.

Movies:
The personal lives of actors are almost the same, but nobody has actual superpowers.

Winner:
Comic books. It's hard to beat having the life sucked out of your body as a reason for breaking up.

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