JUSTIN: In October 2005, we took a risk on spikey hair and brought on board the Mutant known as Shalen. For three years, she's been leading the vanguard in finding weird martial arts flicks, swords-and-sorcery bombs, and other cult "treasures" buried by time. She took it upon herself to assume the mantle of caustic withering remarks girl, and we have to say, she did it well.

Shalen's other great contribution to the site was her absolute love of footnotes, which can be found in pretty much every review she's written. They're like little bursts of glorious wordage, just waiting for your eyes to travel down to the small text underneath the rest.

Unfortunately, we all know that paths in life cross and uncross depending on circumstances, and MRFH is no stranger to that. Shalen regrets that her work and school life have grown to such dizzying heights that she no longer has time to be a regular contributer to Mutant Reviewers. Yet I think she knows that she's trained you all well, to be proud when you find a bad movie and a good friend to mock it with, to bask in the love of arachnids even though it's creepy as hell, and to just be who you are without apologies.

I'd urge you all to take today and catch up on some of Shalen's older reviews, if you don't mind. She was a tremendous addition to the site, and we will all miss her very much.

KYLE: As much as I hate to pick the clichéd obvious pick for my favorite Shalen Mutant review, I have to go with the one she's probably most well-known for, hopefully most proud of: Soldier.

So many variables enter into the cult of personality surrounding both this review and the film in question, and create a complex little "perfect storm" where you know you like it and you find yourself reaching for the keys to go out and rent Soldier despite your own tendencies against self-harm, and yet when asked why Shalen's review is so damned persuasive (perhaps insidiously so) it's hard to pinpoint any specific things. It's the well-tailored fabric, woven of rigorous reasoning and earnest confessions, of the whole that causes you to forget to notice the nuts and bolts of every little step towards accepting her argument as totally valid until you stand in the wasteland, Soldier DVD in hand, wondering where exactly you but not why you ended up buying Soldier instead of just renting it. That particular decision just seemed right, didn't it?

Yes. It did.

My fellow Mutants will surely touch upon the footnotes, the preference for weaponry, and the prevalence of spiders. But what I'll miss is Shalen's poetic arguments, softened by those revelations of vulnerability towards cultish delights yet honed to a sharpened edge, sometimes set upon films she enjoyed but almost just as memorably unleashed upon films unworthy of her, or your, attention. Her review of Jeepers Creepers is a great example of Shalen stepping up where so many other apologists had slunk away from, and saying fairly straight up: this film sucks. The end.

Thankfully, her reviews will live on and only be a few clicks away. And Shalen herself will live on as well, surely enriching the lives of the locally-situated with her cinematic experiences, and hopefully (if we're more nice than naughty) dropping a guest review here and there if something really sparks an extreme writing response on her end. Until then, I trust you'll all join me in wishing Shalen nothing but the best and giving her our most profound and heartfelt thanks for hanging around the ol' website for a while and throwing her two cents into the "mix."

Thanks, Shalen. We love you!

SUE: It's always a sad time when one of our staff members makes the decision to leave the fold and venture out into the great unknown. Or the great known, for that matter. This is one such occasion.

In her time here, Shalen really made her presence known as the consummate mutant; reviewing a wonderfully culty selection of movies, many of which I'd never even heard of before. Honestly, she put me to shame. When it came to "getting" what MRFH is all about, she hit the ball out of the park time and again.

Coping with the family of brown recluses that took up residence in my desk was a small price to pay for Shalen's presence among us. I never really liked that desk anyway. Which is why I gave it to Mike. Who I hope feels better soon.

Although I never got to know Shalen as well as I'd have liked, she's always had my deep respect both for her writing ability and her extensive knowledge of cult cinema. I sincerely hope that she'll pop by on the forum, drop the occasional email our way and remember us fondly when she finally unleashes her plans for world domination. In all things, I wish her the very best.

DREW: In the best interests of everyone, Shalen, I’ll forego any cheesy jokes about tangled webs or kisses from spider women, and instead simply say this: we’re sorry to see you go. You brought a consistently unique, unforgettable voice to every one of your reviews, footnotes and all, and I have a hard time imagining anyone else filling that niche. I can’t think of anyone who’s reviewed more cult and I’ve-never-even-heard-of-this-movies than you, and yet we also shared an appreciation for the simple things in life, like a decent Shakespeare film adaptation, an episode of Dexter, or a good Clint Eastwood western. (Read: all of them.) I wish you nothing but the best in your ballroom dancing and fanfic writing, and may your cats never realize they outnumber you and technically don’t have to share the bed. I guess there’s nothing left to say, except…

LOOK OUT! – THERE GOES A SPIDER FAN!

(Sorry. Couldn’t resist.)

SHALEN'S BIO:

Shalen was born in 1981 and was deprived of both movies and cartoons throughout her childhood. Instead, she spent her time reading and playing games involving plastic ninja swords with her two sisters. She showed a thick geek streak early in life, eagerly delighting in watching cocoons hatch and spiders spin. This later developed into an interest in medicine when she discovered anatomy books, but after two Bachelors Degrees and innumerable rejection letters, she is currently trying to find a job that does not involve temping for old white guys. Shalen discovered movies in high school and fell instantly in love. In college she discovered Mystery Science Theater and fell in love again, but the Satellite of Love inexplicably will not return her calls, and Crow T. Robot has not yet accepted her hand in marriage. When not watching movies and being urged to shut up by her nearest and dearest, Shalen enjoys ballroom dancing, but feels East Coast Swing is overrated. Shalen is an avid arachnophile who is fond of both her cat and her pet Northwestern Forest Scorpion, and keeping them apart remains interesting. She loves her God, her family, her books, and her chocolate, not always in that order.

• Forum Handle: SPIDERDANCER
• Will Be Played In The Movie By: Ray Parks
• Current Favorite Movies: Soldier, Trancers IV: Jack of Swords, Fist of Legend
• Current Favorite TV Shows: Not fond of TV. Very occasional Buffy, Angel, or CSI
• Current Favorite Books: Drake and Weber’s March Upcountry series, C.J. Cherryh’s Foreigner books, L.M. Bujold’s Vorkosigan novels, Any Pratchett, most Shakespeare.
• Current Favorite Video Games: Disciples II, Deus Ex (NOT the second one), Warcraft II and III
• Hobbies: Sewing, dancing, reading, writing, making gourmet candy, lifting weights, snarking at sf/fantasy writers who use psychic rape metaphors, trying to lose weight AFTER making the candy, video games, fanfiction.