Let's start with the basics: How is a Mega-FAQ different than normal FAQs?
That should be blindingly obvious. It strokes our egos. And sounds like something that should be fighting Godzilla.

Gimme the skinny on Mutant Reviewers From Hell, pretty-please?
Founded in 1997, MRFH planted its feet firmly into the megabit ground of the Internet, thus starting a chain reaction of really bad analogies that would continue for half a decade. Justin (then called "Hacky-Pappy") and now-dead Kym (then called "Ms. Rigor Mortis") wanted to provide a movie review site that would (1) tackle cult classics we enjoyed, (2) use our college degrees as drink coasters, (3) disagree with each other a lot, (4) sarcastically attack defenseless movies, and (5) be able to use the term "Mutant Ferrets" on a regular basis. Since Kym's death, we brought on board PoolMan (called "Big Mamma" for his nuturing state) and a bunch of other convicted felons desperate for something to keep them occupied before the execution date. For more on this brilliant saga of how MRFH came to be, read our What Is This? page.

Kym is dead? I don't even know who she is!
You'd better, buddy. Know it or not, you owe your very existance to Kym, who saved the world from the Ebola virus and a homicidal Pac-Man on October 14, 1995. She then died in a tragic boating accident. You may pay your respects at the Kym Memorial Page. Kym currently haunts the MRFH office as a clumsy yet amusing ghost.

So why "Mutant Reviewers From Hell" as a site name? Are you swearing at us or claiming the origin of the reviewers or what?
Don't get your absorbant undergarments in a bunch. MRFH was originally called something like Revenge of the Mutant Movie Reviewers From Hell VIII, to mock bad sci-fi and horror titles. After time and a lot of paint thinner, it was shortened down to MRFH.

So are you reviewers or critics or what?
Actually, we'd put "Demigods of Showbiz" on our business cards, but the rights to that title are taken. Technically, a "reviewer" is a person who will try to take a movie and give you a review without their opinions. "Critics" give you their opinions and throw in many personal issues as well. So I guess we're critics, but we hate the connotations that goes along with it. Plus, "Mutant Reviewers From Hell" has a better ring to it than "Mutant Critics From Hell".

Nothing on this site makes sense! The ratings are completely wacked, there are both obscure and modern films, words are often totally made up, and Kyle keeps stalking me! What is the key to understanding the strange and oddly beautiful world of Mutants?
Take a deep breath, and reach for Peaches 'n Cream instant oatmeal, mamber-jabba!

How can I determine if a film is good or not without the crutch of a five-star rating system?
You have to wait until you finish whole entire sentences. Then the suspense will be lifted and your eyes will be opened to a glorious future of Hooked on Phonics.

I wrote to you a month ago and told you guys you should review Drain-o Creatues On A Love Adventure Through North Dakota part VII immediately. How come you haven't done it yet?
To simply put it: so many films, so little time. In addition to our own list of cultish flicks we'd like to review, we also get dozens of suggestions from visitors to the site. Rest assured, we do put them on a list (which exists somewhere under Kyle's coffee cup), but exactly when we get to a specific movie is anyone's guess. Patience, we are trying to do our best. Plus, our dates are beginning to alienate us for bringing them to see such movies instead of the latest Brad Pitt romance.

Who are the figures on the main page banner and what the heck are they doing?
According to DnaError (our site's resident graphical genuis who whipped this up), the figures and their actions from left to right are: DnaError (Doing a "Mike Nelson", pointing at the screen), Clare (Looking bitterly at Justin), Justin (Chatting on his cell phone), Poolman (Playing Gameboy), Kyle (Sleeping), and Andie (Putting on makeup).

Who does the artwork for the site?
The banners, main page logo, and various comic strips are courtesy of our high school delinquent, DnaError.

You guys are nuts! I love you all! I hate you all! I want to work for you! I want to sue you! I want to donate large amounts of money for PoolMan's breast enhancements!
Yes, we are. Thank you. Look behind you. Only once you have completed the Seven Tasks of Altinor-La (not included). We don't exist as a legal entity. Throw money in the general direction of Vancouver, Not-USA.

Okay, so what was up with PoolMan's takeover of MRFH, turning it into the Mutant Reviewers From Canada from June 3 - 8, 2000? Was that another poorly-planned publicity stunt, or was PoolMan just trying to get every American to put a bounty on his head?
What takeover? Why wasn't I informed about this?

What's the difference between a Mutant Reviewer and a Mutant Correspondant?
Well, one has been deloused, and the other is still infested. Really, there isn't much of a difference, except the Reviewers are directly responsible for the programming and creation of the site (Justin does most of the site, while PoolMan does PoolMan's Picks). It's just a question of dedication and time devoted to MRFH.

You've made a few references to the MRFH Staff Office. Where is it, and can I get a tour?
Due to National Security and raving psycho ex-girlfriends, we cannot divulge the location of our office or give tours (unless it's some sort of last wish). We can tell you that the MRFH Office has a fully-functioning theater, a fridge with lots of munchies, networked computers for games... er... writing, and a high-tech testing lab where we conduct our evil experiments. NEW: you can view the MRFH Staff Office Blueprints. In July 2000, the MRFH office was relocated from Colorado to Detroit, using stolen Air Force helicopters.

What happened to [name of Correspondant that I like]? I haven't seen a review from them in forever!
While most of us do live, breathe, and sleep MRFH, there are those that seem to find what scientists call "a life" outside of our mutant world. We have had a few correspondants leave us over the past couple of years, in which case we send our MRFH heavy named "Brut" to take care of the, um, problem. Then we list them on the Mutant Bios page as "MIA".

How can I become a Mutant Correspondant?
We are always carefully scouting for one or two new Correspondants to write reviews for the site (once a slot opens up). Check out our Mutant Correspondant Application page for our current status of Correspondant needs, and also our wonderful applicaton. Our high criterea include that this individual be insane or getting there. Also, that they can write, be unique, and have fun with it.

I heard a terrible rumor that PoolMan (aka Sean) is from Canada, and also he's forming his own cult of fanatical kickboxers, and he wants to take over America during Arbor Day, and make us all worship him by singing the PoolMan song, which begins as follows: "I'll punch you if you say you're a bigger fan / than I am of our fanterrific and sexy PoolMan". Is this true?
We'll get back to you.

What are the Annual Mutant Awards?
We highly dislike the Oscars (and most movie award ceremonies), here at the MRFH. Thus, in 1998 we created our own Awards, letting the visitors to the MRFH vote for their own favorite films, etc. You can view the results of the Awards on the Features section of the site.

Why don't you have more Mutant Viewings?
To be honest, they just take a freakin' long time to do. Each two hour movie takes up to three or four hours to write (there's watching it, pausing, writing notes, formatting those notes, etc). Viewings are mainly reserved to movies we can tolerate enough to pick apart carefully, leaving the bones for our MRFH dogs.

I am a pretentious film student, and consider you all slime for reviewing often on a purely emotional basis. Some of you use your review space to discuss your dating lives, for pete's sake! A true film critic considers the deeper symbolic meanings, discusses camera angles, foley artists, CGI renderings of Kevin Bacon's package, and loves subtitles more than life itself. Why don't you just give up?
Stand very still. Soon, a large primate will visit your place of computer dwelling and commit wanton acts of intimacy with your hair. Then, let's see who gets on a "purely emotional basis"!

Why don't you have more reviews? I saw one site that had over 5,000 of them!
First of all, those sites are the devil's seed and not to be trusted. Second, each one of our reviews takes a long time to develop, since we have to do research on the film (for information, quotes, movie store items, etc) in addition to each review. Thirdly, our reviews tend to be both intelligent and humorous, a feat few movie critics can manage. Fourther, we gots to have time to FIND and watch these movies as well! (and, P.S., we do have a few hundred to peruse through. That should last you a couple hours.)

Is PoolMan's Picks a part of the Mutant Reviewers From Hell or a sub-site?
PP (say that out loud and often for comedic effect) is an actual part of MRFH. It exists on a separate address so that PoolMan can edit it directly. He often does this in the buff, sitting in a small closet, and deeply wishing for an American work visa.

How could you not like [name of a movie you like]? Were you snorting maple syrup?
No, just honest. We Mutants aren't swayed by popular opinion, and say what we think. We consider honest, down-to-earth reviews more appealing than critics who talk over your head and try to review the film according to the masses. Here, we are a mass of one. That makes no sense, does it? In any case, this is why we try to have more than one reviewer/correspondant covering the same film, to get a second opinion.

How could you like [name of a movie you hate with a passion]? If I don't agree with you, then you MUST suck!
Yes, of course. We bow to your emotional outburst and lay our necks at your feet as a price for our insolence. Shut up.

In your review of Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, Justin's review is of the first Star Wars, A New Hope! As a rabid Star Wars fan, I am deeply offended that this snafu took place. What are you going to do about it?
Nothing. Justin felt PoolMan's coverage was adequate, and decided to pop in a little "easter egg" joke to see if you were all paying attention. If you're really interested in seeing what Justin thought of this HORRIBLE TITANIC-LIKE WRECK of a movie, check out 10 Things Justin Hates About The Phantom Menace.

What is the infamous L. Neil Smith incident that you've never told the world?
A half-year after the inception of the MRFH, we received a rather nasty e-mail from a Mr. Smith who noted that in Justin's review of "Dead Again," he said that Emma Thompson wore a diamond necklace, which was incorrect. Actually, in the film Thompson wore an anklet, which Smith said "made a world of difference." Justin replied saying that writing reviews was tough, and he was bound to make mistakes, and what had Mr. Movie Critic Smith written anyway?

He had written stuff, hadn't he?
Yes.

What did Mr. L. Neil Smith write?
Among other things, the Adventures of Lando Calrissian series.

Which were read by how many actual Star Wars fans?
Three.

What is widely considered the worst movie reviewed on the MRFH?
That would undoubtably be The Doom Generation. We really, really, really hate this film. Every MRFH reviewer who dared to rent this movie suffered immediate brain damage, and yet people STILL don't trust us that it's a really horrible movie.

A little birdy told me Justin actually created movie sites for a few of these movies. What are they, and how can I find them?
Justin created PCU: The Website, the Hudson Hawk Aviary, Pit of Despair: A Princess Bride Site, and UHF: Poodles That Fly.

Why is this Mega-FAQ so long?
Because, honestly, we enjoy talking about ourselves. And we're hoping you'll take pity on us and ask us to marry you.