An Elimination Movie (EM) falls under many guises and genres, but it's essentially the same: start off with an ensemble cast and knock them off one by one until only a handful (or just one!) remains for the credits. EMs can be horror, slasher, action, or even really sappy dramas with lots of Ebola virus attacks going around. You with me now? We all recognize a good EM (and BM!) when we see one, and it's inevidable to start the following game: guessing who's going to make it, and who's going to get knocked off (and in what order). Thus, I present Justin's Guide to Elimination Movies, based on a few observations from many films. Keep in mind I'm describing the elimination of heroes/good guys; EM films where one good guy takes out a horde of bad dudes is another page altogether.

Types of EMs:

• Horror/Slashers - Take a group of teens, an evil demonic force, and have fun seeing how many times the innocents go wandering off on their own to their deaths! (See: A Nightmare On Elm Street, Scream)
• Sci-Fi - Action or horror, space offers a great opportunity to die in fun new ways! (See: Aliens, Event Horizon)
• Action - You can't have a good action flick without a loved character (or ten) die, and listen to their extra-long deathbed speeches in the midst of combat. (See: Predator, Saving Private Ryan)

Now we come to the fun part: predicting the deaths! Even the worst flicks can be entertaining, if they're EMs and you have a friend with you to compete. Here's the typical order that the characters will meet their demise:

1. The Opening Sequence "We Don't Stand A Chance" Souls

Traditionally kept to horror films as a "hook" to pull the audience in, the opening sequence usually features one or two hapless dorks who exist to be slaughtered and then brag that they were in a horror flick. It's sort of a death warrant to be in at the beginning of a horror movie, except in rare instances where you think they're going to die and they escape to be killed at a later point.

Example:
Brad: Wow, what a beautiful night in these dark, dark woods, particularly now that all the crickets have stopped chirping!
Julia: Brad, honey, it's not nice to talk over the opening credits. We should have naked sweaty sex instead.
Evil Demonic Force With Claws And A Frustrated Libido: DIE!
[they do]

2. The Relatively Unknown Schmuck

After the first killing(s), you can usually count on a non-death grace period of about 10 to 20 minutes before the real killing begins. This is about enough time to establish the ensemble cast, which always includes one or two vague, subnormal-looking characters who get to maybe say their names. Since the point of EMs is to gradually build tension and suspense, the filmmakers will start killing from unknown or unliked characters on up. It may be hard, in certain films, to predict this death, since a lot of horror films rarely flesh out characters past the principle cast. A couple clues to spot this schmuck: if he/she does something kinda bad (but is not bad in and of themselves), openly mocks the Evil Demonic Force by denying its existence, is just way to curious for his/her good, or is just an idiot.

Example:
John: Why, I think I'll go pee on this ancient Indian burial mound!

3. The Friend of a Friend

Gotta start killing semi-important people now (any other unknown schmuck deaths past this point merely serve to make the point that they're cannon fodder)! A not-too-close friend or bratty loved one must get shafted in order to give our hero/heroine a chance to crumple up their face and vow a little bit of revenge. Perhaps they will even, at this point, start taking the Evil Demonic Force seriously. Although we doubt it. Look here to anyone who's had at least one joke/semi-close moment with the hero/heroine.

Example:
Vicki [to heroine]: Gosh, this reminds me of those long-ago summer days where we used to put ex-lax in the boy's brownies...
Evil Demonic Force: I would like to partake of your liver now.
[Vicki dies]
Heroine: Gosh, that sucks.

4. Sex Fiends

Although this can really happen during any time of the first half of the film, the adage that "sex kills" is true. Any couples (or even one person from a couple) is prone to getting slaughtered. The general rule is this: if there's a couple on screen that does not involve the main character(s), then one or both of that couple will get killed. If the main character is involved with a floozy, she stands a good chance of getting killed (but this will happen later in the movie, and would be considered under point 7).

Example:
Johnson: Val and I are going to get married as soon as we get back to earth!
[Evil Demonic Force sucks Johnson out of the airlock, where his head promptly explodes]
Val: My one true love! How can I go on?
[Evil Demonic Force kills her precisely seven minutes later, with a brain parasite]

5. Other Prime Candidates For Death

Once the cast has finally accepted that the Evil Demonic Force is real and that many of them will die, they try to stay in a huddle together for safety in numbers. Of course, this would actually work if morons didn't keep finding excuses to wander off into unsafe territory. As the cast is whittled down, expect the following people to die:

• Anyone religious. Being religious in an EM is just asking to be diced up.
• Any character that loses their cool and starts yelling about how they're all going to die (fatalistic approach)
• Any bratty/annoying/sarcastic character - who wants them to live?
• Any female (other than the lead) who has taken a shower or bath
• Any character that yammers on about how much they have to live for back home somewhere (doubly so if they have an autistic little brother to take care of. The hero/heroine can easily become the caretaker if need be.
• The non-Caucasian, since you must be white to survive!
• Snooty English characters usually get spanked, too

6. The Bad Guy Who's Mixed In With The Good Guys

You can almost hear the scriptwriters say, "To make things worse, they've got a traitor in their midst...". I can't think of any EM that doesn't have some cast member - on the run for their own lives as well - who doesn't try to betray the entire group. Their badness is established early on in the movie, and usually culminates in the death of one or more innocents. The Bad Guy will either die at the hands of the hero/heroine, or by the claws of the Evil Demonic Force (we call this irony, boys and girls).

Example:
Kyle: HA HA! The pact I have made with the Evil Demonic Force virtually ensures my survival in this movie!
Hero: Gosh, you've really been a bad person all along!
Evil Demonic Force: This guy's even worse than I am! He must therefore die.
[Kyle gets to see what his intestinal tract looks like]

7. The Surprising Death Of A Big Name Actor

The thinking here is, at 1 hour and 35 minutes into the flick, the lead hero/heroine doesn't really have sufficient motivation to kill the Evil Demonic Force. Sheer survival is not a motive. Thus, once the cast has been reduced to two or three big name actors, one of them just has to go. The love interest has a 50% chance of survival (it's nice to have someone to kiss at the end), but a close friend will almost always bite it. Typically, this character has enough clout to pull a death scene speech, where they give a Gipper-ish speech to the hero/heroine, thus giving MOTIVATION to KILL the Evil Demonic Force.

Example:
Mark: Jackson... cough... you must... cough, cough... kill the Evil Demonic Force... for me...
Jackson: But what about the twelve other college students that have just been decapitated?
Mark: FOR ME, DAMMIT!
[Mark dies, his head slumping to the side in Jackson's arms]

8. The Survivor(s)

And the question is: who makes it out of the movie alive and into the sequel? This is a tricky question, but the filmmakers always choose one of the following formulas:

• The "Hero and Love Interest" Pair - From the aftermath emerge the hero and his "for sex only" love interest, whose survival makes the audience happy, since the pair can now theoretically repopulate the earth. Or something.
• The "Hero and Cute Little Kid" Pair - You can kill the bratty ones, but the cute ones must survive. Audiences go away feeling satisfied that this kid has a positive role model to care for him/her, and also defend against evil forces (like the IRS).
• The "Hero, Love Interest, and Comedy Relief" Threesome - In EMs, if you have a sense of humor, you have a fighting chance to stay alive to the credits. Although this in no way assures you some booty.
• The "Hero Stands Alone" - Everyone else is dead. But the hero is okay! So don't be too bummed, since he or she gets to become some sort of bad luck charm for every sequel, getting everyone killed around them.
• The "Ever-So-Rare No Survivors" - In an ultra-shocking and usually depressing move, even the hero is killed and the Evil Demonic Force retreats back into the darkness for another movie.

So there you go! My job is finished. When Mutant Reviewers From Hell Strike Back comes out to theaters, I'm going to make darn sure that I make it out alive!