I'm pretty sure it's safe to assume that I'm not the only one around here who has harbored romantic feelings towards an animated character. Not like obsessive love or intense lust or anything, but just the notion that if a certain character were a real person, they'd make an ideal companion. It's a little weird, but it's not different from being infatuated with a live-action fictional character - neither is a real person. And after all, most cartoons are drawn to physical perfection, so it must be kind of natural to find them attractive and wish terribly that the plot of Enchanted would happen with you as Patrick Dempsey.

Here's a list of some of my cartoon crushes, past and present:

Aladdin

I never really liked any of the Prince Charming types - those guys with pointed hats who ride horses through the forest all day, looking for dragons to slaughter and comatose princesses to kiss - not my thing. But Aladdin's different. He has street-smarts, a sense of humor, pluck…in short, an actual personality. And he learns to seriously respect Jasmine and earn her affection with more than his suavity. He's always been the dreamiest Disney guy, and any girl who tells you otherwise is a Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire.

(Wanna know a banal and completely random fact about my life? My very earliest movie theatre memory is my family and I walking to our car after having watched Aladdin. I don't remember actually watching the movie, but I do remember thinking about it.)

Douglas Yancey Funnie

Dear Journal,

It's me, Courtney...

Doug may not seem all that special at first glance - just your average middle school kid suffering from premature male-pattern baldness, looking for love and inspiration in the small town of Bluffington. But he's very much an independent young man, a guy without any trace of racism (his best friend is blue, and even his own sister is orange) who named his super powered alter-ego Quailman, and whose dog is arguably cooler than even Snoopy. He doesn't go by anyone else's rules - he sets his own. He's a dreamer and a romantic who writes songs on his banjo underneath a tree (to this day, I can still sing the tremendously catchy "Banging on a Trash Can.") He's got a quirky personality, and not even Disney could take that much away from him. A date with Doug would mean a chill dinner at the local burger joint, followed by a rockin' concert from the Beets. When I was younger, I'd fantasized about having a boyfriend just like him. Patty Mayonnaise doesn't realize what a lucky gal she is.

Captain Li Shang

A hot martial arts master/military officer with a penchant for meandering about sans shirt? Where can I get one? As the romantic interest in my all-time favorite Disney flick, there is little to nothing wrong with Shang. Well, at first he is too serious and brooding for my liking, but before too long, he softens up and can even take a joke or two. But what I love most about him is the fact that a woman saved him several times, and he doesn't get insecure in his masculinity, which actually just proves how much of a man he really is! (I thought about making some suggestive jokes involving the lyrics of "I'll Make a Man Out of You," but it's too obvious. Why does Disney insist that I think impure thoughts?)

Kyle Broflovski

I'm gonna need to defend myself here, aren't I? To be honest, I just felt the need to write about South Park, as it is both a fantastically brilliant animated series that offers indispensable commentary on our society and my favorite television show. (Originally, I thought about writing a full TV review for it, but I'm inherently lazy.) And I'm also a little bit in love with Kyle. Now, before you write me off as a Woodersonesque creeper, let me just say that if the show took place in real time, he'd be my age. Out of the four main characters, Kyle tends to be the most philosophical and intelligent. He's probably very well-read, so I could totally imagine him as an interesting guy to talk to. And we'd have cute little redheaded babies together, though I don't know if they'd turn out Day-Walker like him or soullessly Ginger like me... I hope soulless.

Dick Grayson/ Nightwing

Now, I'm not a huge comic book aficionado, so I don't really know how closely this show kept to the source material when it came to Nightwing's arc. As far as I'm concerned, it was a very interesting and dramatic shift for the whole Bat-family, and I likes it! I think that as Nightwing, Dick really started to come into his own. He had more of a personality than he did as Robin, plus he looked totally ripped. I love watching the once-Boy Wonder trying a solo gig, but I love watching his relationship with Barbara Gordon/Batgirl even more. Babs/Dick is one of my favorite ships of all time! But, hey, if things don't work out, there's another redheaded girl waiting in the wings…

Darien/ Tuxedo Mask/Moonlight Knight

I think it's basically Geek Law to lust after an anime character at some point in your adolescence, and Darien is quite the dreamboat. My closest friends and I were all head-over-heels for the guy in middle school, and it shouldn't be hard to see why. He happens to be the epitome of "tall, dark, & handsome," and almost too often does he play the knight-in-shining-armor without complaint. He has not one, but TWO heroic alter-egos, which makes him a real Man of Mystery. He's charismatic, and he's royalty (he's the prince of Earth in the past alternate universe, and the king of Earth and Moon's Silver Kingdom in the future alternate universe. Are you confused yet?) And if he can put up with whiney Serena, he has to be the most patient, tolerating human being on the planet.

Arnold No-Last-Name & Gerald Johanssen

Back in my day (which, for the record, was May 13th, 1997,) the hottest show on Nickelodeon had to be Hey Arnold! There were so many characters in this cartoon to love, but there was a special place in my heart for Football-Head & Tall-Hair Boy. Even at the age of 8, I knew these kids were too hip to be true, which only made me adore them more. Though they were the closest of friends, they were opposites in many ways; Arnold was practical and studious while Gerald was more laidback. This gave a nice Yin-Yang balance to their relationship, and they complimented each other well. They had their own endearing traits, like Gerald's talent for exquisite story-telling and Arnold's idealism and awesome bedroom. Still, their most alluring traits were shared - athleticism and good sportsmanship, a kickass handshake, and, most attractive of all, a love for jazz music. If only the boys in my fourth-grade class were more like them…

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