They've Lost Their Minds!

1. Jason Bourne, The Bourne Identity

Shot in the back and left for dead, Jason Bourne wakes up with a price on his head and an itchy trigger finger. Thankfully for him, he has what’s known in the medical community as the Best Amnesia Ever: crazy martial arts skills, a steady gun hand, and absolutely no regrets about hooking up with smokin’ hottie Franka Potente because he can’t remember what a cold-hearted jerk he used to be!

2. Joel Barish & Clementine Kruczynski, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Okay, so this isn’t exactly amnesia insomuch as it’s medically supervised brain damage, but this is my list, so you’ll read it and like it! Joel and Clementine agree to have their minds wiped of each other when their relationship goes sour, and realize only too late that maybe it wasn’t the brightest idea they’ve ever had. Then again, if I could wipe Jim Carrey from my memory entirely, I can’t say I wouldn’t be tempted to try.

3. Kermit the Frog, The Muppets Take Manhattan

Kermit got shafted. Most movie amnesiacs get to be secret agents or super heroes or at least end up with an unlikely love interest that’s easy on the eyes. Kermit takes a Buick on the chin and becomes… an ad executive. Named Phil. Who’s shilling toothpaste. But I suppose there’s an upside: he finally gets to lay into Miss Piggy. “Ah, the sounds of love… Soo-EEE!”

4. Leonard Shelby, Memento

Leonard probably has it the worst of our clean-slated woebegones. He knows his name, his job, his childhood and everything about his life—up until his wife was murdered and he took a blow to the head. Now that’s all he can remember. Unable to form new memories, Leonard hunts his wife’s killer through a self-inflicted labyrinth of post-it notes and tattoos from head to toe. He’s convinced that he’ll remember when he finally finds the man who took his life away. He will, won’t he?

5. Lucy Whitmore, 50 First Dates

And on the other end of the spectrum is Lucy Whitmore. Like poor Leonard up there, she can’t make new memories either, but there’s nary a grudge or a mystery or a freaky tattoo to be found. Instead, everyone in her life just pretends that it’s the day after her accident every day. Sure, it kinda sucks to be them, but Lucy’s living on easy street. Of course, it’s not all roses: That goony guy with the funny voice just won’t seem to go away…

6. Wolverine, X-Men

He can’t remember a bloomin’ thing before ten years ago, but, honestly, I think he traded up. His memories versus a ridiculous healing factor, heightened senses, nigh-indestructible adamantium skeleton, and three reasons on each hand to get him a beer when he asks you to? I’ll sign that dotted line.