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 2005 R / Horror Suspense Directed by: Starring: |
- Scream your last breath.
Summary Capsule
- Six friends go into the ground. Then, bad things happen.
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Justin's Rating: I'm a bald bunny, ain't got no fur. I'm a bald bunny, brr brr brr.
Justin's Review: Although I know I recently swore off modern horror movies in a cleansing hissy-fit, I kept hearing way too much about how good The Descent was to pass it up. Every time I'd see it at a store, video rental section or on the shampoo rack in my shower, my eyes would perk up and we'd then have a lovely conversation:
ME: Please don't do this when I'm washing my naughty bits.
THE DESCENT: Watch me! I command you!
ME: But… but you look pretty scary! And I routinely check under my bed, in all three of the closets and in the dryer for any lurking scary creatures! I don't think I could handle you. I also scream like a girl and I have to explain that to the neighbors.
THE DESCENT: But I'm acclaimed! People rant and rave about how awesome I am!
ME: There's a picture of a girl surfacing from what appears to be a pool of blood. On your cover. And she doesn't look happy about it — blood stains, you know.
THE DESCENT: You have to admit, I've got a pretty good premise - six athletic girls who go spelunking in an unexplored cave, only to find true terror in the dark.
ME: That's why you always stock up on Level 0 Light cantrips.
THE DESCENT: Dungeons & Dragons jokes will not get you far with me, buster.
ME: Sorry. It's just… I have a thing about claustrophobia. And the dark. And critters who frolic in the dark like it's recess at Horror Junior High. Once, in college, one of my friends hid under my bed and waited until I came in the room and went to sleep. Do you know what the average human reaction is to an arm coming up from under the bed to grab you while you're drifting off into sleep?
THE DESCENT: Oh, [bleep], man!
ME: Pee everywhere.
THE DESCENT: If hot, toned women squeezing through tight places won't get you to watch me, I know what will.
MY WIFE: Honey, who are you talking to in the shower?
THE DESCENT: Who's that? I will devour her alive and turn her soul into chaff!
ME: I highly doubt it. That woman's survived 16 car accidents. 16. She's like the Terminator with PMS privileges.
THE DESCENT: Eek. Anyway, I know how to get you to see me. Guess who the director is? That's right, Neil Marshall.
ME: …
THE DESCENT: *sigh* He directed Dog Soldiers, remember? I even made a clickable link back there so you can re-read your review.
ME: [checking it out] I'm so eloquent with prose… Neil Marshall, huh? I really did love Dog Soldiers! That was cool! There is no spoon, ha ha!
THE DESCENT: Quiet! So… we have a date?
ME: Well, I will if you promise me something.
THE DESCENT: Make it quick. I'm getting prune fingers.
ME: Can you lighten up on the scares, just for me? Like edit yourself so that bright happy Care Bear decals will cover up the worst stuff? Or flash a warning on the screen to "Cover Your Eyes" before the hellspawn begin their filthy feast?
THE DESCENT: Sure. Fine. Whatever. heh heh. HA-HA. WHOA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
ME: The evil laughter is not reassuring.
THE DESCENT: And when you're done and cowering in a corner, sucking on your thumb, don't forget to tell your readers that I'm a wild trip down a road never before traveled in the horror circuit.
ME: What about The Cave? Didn't that just come out, like, a year ago?
THE DESCENT: Shut up. He's been disowned by the family, and we shall never speak of him again.
ME: So… do you want me to wash your back, or what?
 "I... looove... CHERRY KOOLAID! WOOOO!"
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- Among the bones that Sarah falls into is a wolf's head which came from one of the werewolves from Neil Marshall's previous film Dog Soldiers.
Is It Worth Staying Through End Credits?
While the credits start rolling, there is a picture of all the girls on the background. The creature's snarling sound can be heard at the end of the credits.
Intermission! [some sources: IMDb]
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At no point in the film are actual caves seen, all of the scenes are filmed with sets, miniatures and blue screen digital images.
The cast members were taken to a rock-climbing center in Derbyshire to help prepare them for filming.
This film's poster art is borrowed from a portrait photograph by Philippe Halsman of Salvador Dalí, entitled Salvador Dali In Voluptate Mors. (The photo itself was inspired by surrealist Dali's gouache Female Bodies as a Skull painting) This same imagery was also used for the poster for The Silence of the Lambs.
According to the audio commentary on the special edition DVD, there was a exact replica made of Nora-Jane Noone and after the movie was finished, she got to keep the head of the doll and put it in her mother's freezer as a joke.
The appearance of the creatures was kept secret from the cast members until the first scene in which they encounter them was filmed. When the cast were finally filming the scene where the girls encounter the crawlers, the girls were genuinely scared and screamed the building down, running off set and laughing.
[SPOILERS] There are two endings: The North American version has approximately a minute cut from the end. Sarah escapes the cave and sees Juno, but the film does not cut back to the cave as it does in the UK version.
Many fans of this film argue that the monsters did not exist at all. Several clues exist to support this notion, most notably that Sarah has been through an extremely traumatic experience already and has previously suffered from hallucinations. The Insanity Theory posits that Sarah herself either killed or left her companions to die. An interview with director Neil Marshall at dreadcentral.com lends further credence to the theory, as he states "...she's killed all her friends...".
Groovy Quotes
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Holly: [imitating the Count on Sesame Street] One bat, two bats, fifty bats!
Beth: Hey, you love this one. How do you give a lemon an orgasm? You tickle its citrus!
Beth: I'm an English teacher, not f**king Tomb Raider.
Rebecca: So where ARE we, Juno?
Juno: It hasn't got a name. It's a new system. No one's ever been down here before. I wanted us all to discover it!
Rebecca: So, this isn't caving. This is an ego-trip!
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This review page was last updated on 5.8.07
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