Mutant Reviewers from Hell do
"Me likee tennis"

1998 PG-13 / Comedy Directed by: Alex Zamm Starring: Carrot Top, Courtney Thorne-Smith, Raquel Welch

Tagline

Work Sucks!

Summary Capsule

Carrot Top takes over company; stock prices plunge

Mutant Meter

Movie Store [proceeds go toward monthly MRFH upkeep]

Amazon.com: DVD

Justin's Rating: Two burning cigars in my eyeballs
Justin's Review: This movie sitting on the shelf at the video store was like a triple-dog-dare for me to watch it. A full movie starring Carrot Top... how could I resist? I mean, I knew it'd be like watching a train wreck while tied to the tracks; I wouldn't be able to look away even as the life was crushed out of me. I honestly could not, can not think of a more horrible, anti-Christ-approaching combination than Carrot Top plus A Movie Starring Carrot Top.

"Early on in the movie, he uses one of his inventions to make carrot juice in his car. Get it? His name is Carrot Top and he made carrot JUICE! Ha ha."

Back in 1998, I was working part-time at a video store. The movie trailer loops we had going constantly on all the TVs featured this movie, and every time Chairman of the Board was shown, an announcer boasted that Carrot Top was named "College Performer of the Year for 1997". Do you remember CT coming to your college or voting for this? Are people who give out awards clearly insane?

Let's start with our hero, Edison (Mr. Top). Carrot Top doesn't even have to say a word to be supremely annoying. His mere looks suffice: the red afro, the monkey-like visage that he may call a face, his brazenly tasteless wardrobe. He's an ugly man, and his personality doesn't vouch for any redeeming qualities. Not really taking any stretch of acting, Edison is a "Wacky Inventor" whose schtick comes from "Wacky Inventions", fart jokes, and basically being more of a jerk than Adam Sandler in Billy Madison. Early on in the movie, he uses one of his inventions to make carrot juice in his car. Get it? His name is Carrot Top and he made carrot JUICE! Ha ha. Ha. cough. Carrot Top himself is a prop comedian, and renowned for being horribly unfunny for it. I can see why. Maybe this type of movie appeals to an 8 1/2-year-old boy demographic, but anyone outside of that will find this lacking.

Edison is the type of staple slacker we've seen dozens of times in comedies before. He's got no tact, he has no ambition, yet he's (sniff) misunderstood for his greatness. Gee, no ego-stroking here. What little plot there is covers Edison's inheritance of a gadget company, where his nontraditional methods bring the company to new levels of success. We all know that if Carrot Top took over a corporation in real life, his body would be found hung, drawn and quartered in the office's lobby by Day Two.

There's a lot of reliable "you know, that guy" actors (Jack Warner, Raquel Welch, Larry Miller, Courtney Thorne-Smith) putting in decent performances, but having to do this beside CT is akin to prison time. Seriously, I cannot stress how much this jerkwad makes Ernest (Jim Varney) appear the Oscar-worthy performer. Did you see that South Park episode where Mrs. Crabtree ridicules Carrot Top and he pees himself? That thought alone got me through this movie. To summarize, here is a short list of things I'd like to do to Carrot Top after seeing this flick:

1. Shave his head bald and use his hair to gag his mouth.

2. Unleash Itchy and Scratchy on him.

3. Make him the mandatory "first victim" in every horror movie for the next ten years. Ah, make it twenty.

Didja Notice? [some sources: IMDb]

• Dr. Evil in Austin Powers (1 or 2, I'm not sure) has a chart that lists some of his plans to take over the world, and "Carrot Top Movie" is one of them
• Carrot Top: naked at the 5 minute mark. Another fine reason to see this film!
• Also, there's a belching contest at 1 hour and 5 minutes.

Is It Worth Staying Through End Credits?

Good golly Miss Molly, no.

Intermission! [some sources: IMDb]

Coming soon to our new line of MutantWear: t-shirts that say "I've seen THE DOOM GENERATION, SPICE WORLD, and THAT CARROT TOP MOVIE"

IMDb says Carrot Top sells out more than 200 concerts a year. I have a seriously hard time believing that. Perhaps he has a contract with our prison system and their mandatory attendance.

Sent in by FilmScorpion: I was reminded of the time Courtney Thorne Smith appeared as a guest on "Late Night with Conan O'Brian". It was just before "Chairman of the Board" was to be released. Norm Mac Donald was also a guest that night, and was already sitting on the couch when Courtney came out. It was during her interview that I Norm said the two funniest things I have ever heard him say. I have noted them as (#1) and (#2).

CONAN: [To Courtney.] What's the movie going to be called?
NORM: [Interrupting.] I know what it's going to be called! [Laughter.]
CONAN: Yeah? What's that?
NORM: If it's got Carrot Top in it, you know what a good name for it would be?
CONAN: What's that, Norm?
NORM: "BOX OFFICE POISON!" [Applause.] (#1)
COURTNEY: [A little upset.] I'm in it, too! Come on! What about my career?
CONAN: SHE'S in it! Courtney Thorne-Smith, the girl sitting to your left, is IN THE MOVIE!
NORM: -- I'm going to go see it for Courtney. [Applause.]
CONAN: All right, there's this 2 hour finale of "Melrose Place." There's this movie coming out, title undetermined at this point --
COURTNEY: "Chairman of the Board."
CONAN: Oh, all right. [To Norm.] Do something with that, you freak. [Laughter.]
NORM: I bet the "Board" is spelled B-O-R-E-D ! [Huge laughter, applause.] (#2)

Groovy Quotes

Edison: Me likee tennis.

If you liked this movie, try these:

• Bio-Dome
• Tommy Boy
• Billy Madison