Mutant Reviewers from Hell do
"I presume, my boy, you are the keeper of this oracular pig."

1985 PG / Animated Fantasy Directed by: Ted Berman & Richard Rich Starring: Grant Bardsley, Susan Sheridan, Freddie Jones

Tagline

Hidden by darkness. Guarded by witches. Discovered by a boy. Stolen by a king. Whoever owns it will rule the world. Or destroy it.

Summary Capsule

Where in the world is Piggy San Diego?

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Justin's Rating: Miss Piggy was not harmed in the making of this film.

Justin's Review: Diving into the murky depths of lackluster 80's Disney animation, we at MRFH extracted a unique animal: the PG-rated cartoon. Never before had Disney's animation studio broke with its lilly-white G-rated mission statement, so it took a move of daring, of courage, and of such ineptitude to bring to the screen a sight that might just terrify the small person demographic they sought to appeal.

"Despondent and in need of allies far more capable than he, Taran makes friends with a miniature yeti, a progressive feminist princess, and a creepy old man with a harp."

That's right: Disney did an animated zombie movie. I kid you not.

The Black Cauldron is an adaptation of the second book of Lloyd Alexander's five-part Chronicles of Prydain fantasy series, which were in turn based on older Welsh legends, which were then based on Welch grape juice. Antioxidants, you know. I was a fan of this series when I was a kid, enthralled with a mini-Lord of the Rings yarn about an "assistant pig-keeper" named Taran, his prophecy-telling pig Hen Wen, and various other members of the pig-keeping entorouge. Although as an adult re-reading the series I found it to be a bit simplistic and lacking expansive imagination, Alexander did a fine job injecting unique personalities into a standard little-guy-beats-the-big-bad-threat fantasy template.

It's kind of odd that Disney decided to leap into the middle of a book series that wasn't widely-known as some. And if you're familiar with the books, then you'd be a little more than horrified at the chop work they do to repackage it all into a tidy little film. It largely defeats the broader tale of Alexander's writings, boiling it down to a Skeletor-like meanie who wants (mua-ha-ha-etc) world domination, which includes stepping on a few little folk to get there.

As an assistant pig-keeper, Taran is understandably perturbed about his job future. I mean, you just don't pick up a lot of ladies in bars with the line, "Oh yeah, I'm an assistant pig-keeper." The hotties know to hold out for the real deal. So it's with a sense of relief when Skeletor (aka "The Horned King") decides to hunt down the pig, and Taran's master is like "you should take the pig on holiday" so at least one of the three survives to get the hotties.

Prepubescent decoy that he is, Taran promptly takes Hen Wen right into the middle of the HK's den of evil (on cage match night, no less), and the HK uses the pig's mystical snout to find a magical cauldron that can raise corpses from the dead and make them an unstoppable army. This is a good thing, HK decides, since he has a strange overabundance of corpses in his castle. He also talks to his corpses, so I'm guessing "lonely childhood" here.

Despondent and in need of allies far more capable than he, Taran makes friends with a miniature yeti, a progressive feminist princess, and a creepy old man with a harp. They become the elite fighting force known as the Justice League of Wales (JLW, for those not keeping up with the acronyms in this review) and wage a cartoony war on HK and all of his unquestioning minions.

The movie gets infinitely more fun and disturbing once HK gets ahold of the black cauldron and starts resurrecting skeletons and decaying bodies for his dark army of doom. I can't imagine how parents reacted when they took their kids to this movie in the 80's, expecting the next Bambi or Cinderella and getting Night of the Clumsy Dead instead. Probably a kneejerk lawsuit against Disney for reinstalling the bedwetting habit into their children.

Stuck in the middle between the Disney Spirit and Sinister Fantasy, The Black Cauldron died an embarrassing death in the theaters. It's easy to understand why, what with all the blatant theft of Star Wars and Lord of the Rings, plus the fact that it's a pretty dull movie even with the Deadites marching all over the place. I guess they needed a few more musical numbers to put things into perspective.

Done in the spur of the moment, it was an awkward night for them all. "Why can't we conjure ourselves up some SHOES?" Hop right into the soup, little piggy. Hop right in.

Didja Notice? [some sources: IMDb]

• Scaring a pig doesn't mean you're a great warrior, it means you're a bully with questionable targets
• Dragons HATE pigs. They're mortal enemies in the natural world.
• If you add a "please!" to the command "Come back!" when talking to a dragon… yeah, they don't listen.
• Evil kings have to make a dramatic entrance, even to their own lackies
• Dude, you're fleeing for your life. Stop giggling over your new spiffy sword.
• It's not just a sword, it's a LIGHTSABER
• The Horned King has Force Choke?
• Yay! Comical misogyny!
• Charming AND pungent! Like me.
• Uh, bad news guys. I think I'm hallucinating neon fairies again. Oh wait, that's just the movie.
• Morva? Or… Mordor?
• This is a movie where everyone is overly concerned and fascinated with a pig. Practically every conversation works it in somewhere.
• During the beginning of the film when Dallben uses Hen Wen's magic to find the Horned King, the first image that appears in the water was a recycled section from "The Night On Bald Mountain" sequence from Fantasia
• The first Disney animated feature to use computer technology.

Is It Worth Staying Through End Credits?

No way Jose.

Intermission! [some sources: IMDb]

The first Disney animated theatrical feature to receive a PG rating and to use computer technology. It also became the last film to be shot in the Super Technirama 70 70mm widescreen system.

The film took over 12 years to make, 5 years of actual production, and cost over $25 million. Over 1,165 different hues and colors were used and 34 miles of film stock was utilized.

This was the first time a movie by Disney had been heavily edited after all the work was done since Snow White.

By contract it had to be re-released in the theaters in 1990, but they renamed it "Taran and the Magic Cauldron".

Tim Burton, who worked as a conceptual artist on this film, wanted to incorporate minions of the Horned King that were akin to the "facehuggers" from the Alien movie series. Some samples of his work can be seen on Disney's 2000 DVD of this title.

Groovy Quotes

Gurgi: Oh, poor miserable Gurgi deserves fierce smackings and whackings on his poor, tender head. Always left with no munchings and crunchings.

Eilonwy: I'm Princess Eilonwy. Are you a lord, or a warrior?
Taran: Uh, no. Uh... I-I-I'm an assistant pig keeper.
Eilonwy: Oh, what a pity. I was so hoping for someone who could help me escape. Oh, well, if you want to come with me, you may.

Fflewddur Fflam: Oh, I wish I'd stayed a toad.

The Horned King: I presume, my boy, you are the keeper of this oracular pig.

If you liked this movie, try these:

• Dragonlance
• The Lord of the Rings
• Willow