Bruce is a funny man, funnier in real life than even his sarcastic, dry wit-laden flicks. Not everyone has a DVD player or the geek factor to purchase all three special edition Evil Dead discs, so I took the liberty (life and pursuit of happiness sold separately) to jot down a few of the funny quotes by Bruce Campbell (Ash) found on the commentary tracks.

Evil Dead II: Dead By Dawn

"There was some question as to whether Ash was stupid enough to go back to the cabin for a second night -- which he is..."

[about the ugly necklace] "I want to talk you about that little amulet, the one that was bought at Corey's Jewelbox in Michigan"

[after Ash decapitates his girlfriend] "And the relationship is cut short."

"We had to find a road that was at least a mile long so Sam could torment me on a rig..."

[about the furniture/props lady] "It's okay cause she threatened to quit every day, cause Sam would move furniture around for every shot... 'Sam! Sam! It will not match!' 'Don't worry, to the camera it will look fine.' 'No! Sam!'"

[about the wrecked bridge] "Look out! A miniature!"

"I'm terrified of all these blue screen shots, as you can see."

[about Ash running away from the Evil Camera] "I love being so fast that I fake this thing out."

"I'm a little over-gorepy"

[about karo syrup in his hair] "I remember having to sleep with a flyswatter, cause I was always surrounded by horrible flies."

"I remember going to the dailies and hearing Sam say, 'That's the worst reverse-motion acting I've ever seen!'"

"Well, I better go back in that happy cabin!"

[about the blood geyser scene] "Now Sam told me, 'If you're drowning Bruce, wave your arms.' What am I supposed to do? 'Wave your arms!'"

"In England, what they cut out of the whole movie is me getting punched when I'm down. Cause in England, you can't kick a man when he's down."

[as Sam Raimi directing the girl assaulting Bruce] "Yeah don't worry about it. Bruce is fine. You can just shake him and slam his head. He's really used to this. Don't be worried, don't be afraid. He wants you to do it."

"I love it when actors get beat up. They don't get beat up in movies any more. It's not politically correct."

"This is when Ash is spewing his wisdom."

[when Ash uses the axe on the deadite] "This is our lame attempt at getting a R-rating... we used every color for blood except for red."

"Ash knows what's going on! He's not as dumb as he looks!"

"Finally, someone else who can suffer with me"

"Ash is a fool, but he's not a panicker. Panickers get killed in these movies."

[about the redneck] "I like how horribly sweaty he is"

"You will believe a monster can cry."

"See? Everything's gonna be fine -- Ash is back, so SHUT UP ABOUT IT!"

"We looped a Groovy on top of it, so it's two groovies"

"That was a Bruce-O-Cam. The camera was taped to my chest."

"Here I had to walk with chains on my feet, cause as soon as I got to the window, the special effects guys would pull me up. Sam said, 'You walk like you have a problem.' Yeah, I got chains on my feet!"