Background on your friendly neighborhood Mutant staff
Justin, the co-creator of MRFH, is a man of mysteries, silly putty and mannequins. By day, he's a mild-mannered youth pastor who shaves his head and gets paid for staging games like Shaving Cream Whiffleball. By night, he's asleep. But somewhere in between, the boy-who-is-man manages to watch and review movies like a crazed monkey, hooting and slapping his Italian paw against a typewriter. Justin is partial to the rare funny comedy, the ultra-rare cult gem, and any college movie starring Jeremy Piven and Jon Favreau. Depending on their capricious moods, the staff either calls him "Fearless Leader" or "The Ogre". In 2004 he met his arch-nemesis, code name "Caramel", and a year later, took the plunge into married life.
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Kyle, now and forever 24, was a one-time teenage drama king. A hot, tough
everyday wannabe, he was a wild child dreamer who finally found himself cuz he believes in nothin’ else. Although not a California native, he tells everyone he is, especially girls who are sure they grew up with him in Laguna Beach. Meanwhile, Kyle likes to take breaks from long melancholy walks on west coast beaches to see movies and then express his opinions to the masses. Born with a critical eye and a caustic wit, Kyle takes to film reviewing like a young turtle takes to modern finance (which is to say, quite well). He hopes to solve some of life’s mysteries via his observant quest into the realm of cinematic human consciousness, including why everyone thinks he smokes when he doesn’t and why Silly Putty isn’t more popular than it is. But if Kyle’s efforts just get more
people to watch the movie Grind and like it, that’s enough for him.
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Lissa was born a little too long ago in a galaxy not so far away, and now resides in Pennsylvania, which makes the story sound a lot less interesting. She has more degrees than a thermometer and is a total geek, proven by the fact that she thinks that "joke" is funny. She's a Penn State alumnus and fan, a fuel scientist in a former and future life, and a stay-at-home mom in the present. Lissa is also married to Forum regular Duckie (as can be seen by the constant mention of him in her reviews), and holds a black belt in tae kwon do, understands diesel engines, and has her head way too deep in the fantasy world (especially Hogwarts). According to the stars, she is a jealous, vindictive shrew (i.e., she's a Scorpio), and today she should watch out for spit-up and falling rocks.
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Raised in the Philadelphia ‘burbs and currently a Cheesehead, Sue is stuck between two regional accents for which she is heckled by all sides. Her job history includes such fascinating vocations as Caprine Lactose Extraction Technician (goat milker), Equine Residential Facilitator (stable manager) and Mycologist (mushroom grower. No not THOSE mushrooms!). Currently she gives directions to cartographically challenged travelers and makes a lot of coffee. Oh yes, she’s writing a novel too in a collaborative effort. Sue is divorced with two pre-teen offspring, a duo of ex-racing greyhounds and a mortgage.
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Drew knows how to do the trick that makes her scream and laugh and throw her arms around his neck. Jersey born and bred, he currently lives exiled to Pennsylvania in the wake of "the incident," but still sneaks over the border for the occasional Springsteen fix. However, he recently was forced to surrender his NJ license for a PA one and instantly lost half his driving ability, so watch out for him on the roads. When not telling companies why they shouldn't hire you, he enjoys tormenting young swimmers for money and searching the Pine Barrens for the elusive Jersey Devil. Like all good Garden Staters, he loves The Sopranos and Kevin Smith movies, hates out-of-state drivers (himself now included), and can romp you in skeeball without even trying. In April of 2006, Drew decided it was a good idea for the second-most stubborn man alive to marry the most stubborn woman alive, just to, you know, see where that led. He expects to be smothered in his sleep by early 2007.
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Shalen was born in 1981 and was deprived of both movies and cartoons throughout her childhood. Instead, she spent her time reading and playing games involving plastic ninja swords with her two sisters. She showed a thick geek streak early in life, eagerly delighting in watching cocoons hatch and spiders spin. This later developed into an interest in medicine when she discovered anatomy books, but after two Bachelors Degrees and innumerable rejection letters, she is currently trying to find a job that does not involve temping for old white guys. Shalen discovered movies in high school and fell instantly in love. In college she discovered Mystery Science Theater and fell in love again, but the Satellite of Love inexplicably will not return her calls, and Crow T. Robot has not yet accepted her hand in marriage. When not watching movies and being urged to shut up by her nearest and dearest, Shalen enjoys ballroom dancing, but feels East Coast Swing is overrated. Shalen is an avid arachnophile who is fond of both her cat and her pet Northwestern Forest Scorpion, and keeping them apart remains interesting. She loves her God, her family, her books, and her chocolate, not always in that order.
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Al is a spirit from the folklore of the Tinguian tribe of the Philippines. He has wings, and his fingers and toes point backwards. No, really, it's in Wikipedia, look it up. It also says he creates demon children in rather disturbing ways that won't be detailed on a PG-13 website, but are pretty intense and you should probably check it out yourself. When not menacing island republics of the South Pacific, he sells car insurance in a continuing effort to put his English degree to good use, and gets to parade around in a mask and cape for the next year proclaiming himself Quarter-Century Man, as he is now legally able to rent a car in Connecticut without a note from his mom. While unwinding, he enjoys horror movies, war movies, westerns, stuff with ninjas, early 90's pro wrestling, books on tape, and Jack Bauer.
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Mike is 29, a fact he is most displeased with, as 30 is barrelling down the highway towards him like something out of Mad Max. He was born in the state of North Carolina, but escaped early in life. He was one of the lucky ones. He was raised in the capital of this great nation where he was weaned on music (punk rock, ska and hip hop), comic books, Magic: The Gathering, movies, and generous amounts of beer. He is a master of the 37 chambers of the naked mole-rat style of kung fu, and hopes to one day avenge his parents, killed by ninja monkeys. Having spent almost the entirety of his life in front of a television set, Mike has acheived a knowledge of pop culture not lightly given to mortal man. This may help to explain why he is still single at the age of 29. It was three years ago he relocated from D.C. to the ridiculously hot realm of Phoenix, AZ (but it's a DRY heat!). He spends his days drawing comics, reading other comics and watching movies in the nice air conditioning.
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Kaleb, a slender beauty of 27 years, is living proof of the power of loitering. Having been something of a fixture in the forums for many years, he got his big break in 2008, when poor communication in the MRFH HR department, combined with his incessant around-hanging, resulted in his being mistaken for an actual staffer, as opposed to a vagrant living in the parking garage. As a result of the need to look like he knows what he's doing and should be where he is, his furious-scribbling and paper-shuffling skills have since been honed to a science. In addition to living a lie, Kaleb's other favorite activities include making huge run-on sentences and using too many hyphenated words. He is also afflicted with a rare genetic disorder which prevents him from ever comprehending the rules of colon/semicolon use.
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Eunice originates from the wild coastlands of Italy. Born into a family of cinephiles, she was raised on movies good, bad, and ugly since before she could remember. While she swears she's not on the lam, she's led a rather nomadic lifestyle having moved fifteen times in her relatively short life. After years of swimming with sharks, riding elephants, playing with fire, and other questionable behavior she has, temporarily, settled down assisting with the educational development of the young. Eunices are drawn to cool climates, and prefer dark spaces.
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In 2007, PoolMan decided to go into semi-retirement at MRFH, becoming our first "Mutant Emeritus" with full rights and privileges to submit reviews and articles whenever he likes.
Teetering dangerously close to the end of his twenties, PoolMan is our VP In Charge of Uncomfortably Reminding Everyone How Great The Great White North Really Is. A born-again theatre enthusiast, Pooly has taken on sound tech, acting, and directing (and believe you me, the last thing we need is him in charge of a large group of people). He also enjoys rollerblading, seeing movies in completely empty theatres, and being married to his near-infinitely-patient wife, the PoolGirl.
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THE MUTANT RETIREMENT HOME
These are the brave unsung heroes of Mutantdom. Each of them gave their efforts, sarcasm, and either their lives or sanity to the service of MRFH. Some spent years here at the site, and became like family (others mooched for a couple weeks, and became like common bathroom sink mold). We appreciate their hard work and dedication that they put into MRFH.
Kym was one of the two original co-founders of MRFH in 1996. Her passions extended from weird movies to music, Stephen King, and various computer games. In early 1998 Kym parted with MRFH, and Justin gave her a grand send-off by "killing her". During her stay, Kym reviewed 15 films.
Toni (also spelled "toni") is something of an enigma to us. This Canadian's reviews wowed us all -- and are carefully preserved in the MRFH vaults for all of history -- but she suddenly disappeared and was never heard from again. Alas, she would not be the last to do this. Toni reviewed 10 movies.
Andie, a theater actress and all-around sex kitten, was with MRFH from 1998 through 2002. You can read more about our send-off to her on the Farewell To Mutants In Arms page. Andie reviewed 102 flicks.
DnaError was MRFH's resident mad scientist and artist. You can read more about our send-off to him on the Farewell To Mutants In Arms page. DnaError reviewed 71 films.
Bobby, a California platinum blonde, was only with us for a short period in 2003. Vanished, never heard from again (we're very scary!). Bobby reviewed 5 movies.
Alex, an American living in Denmark, graced us with her presence from 2003-2004. And yes, she vanished. And was never heard from again. Sigh. Alex reviewed 8 flicks.
Clare, our fiery-tempered yet sweetly natured Texan was with us for over five years, from 2000-2005. A major voice on the site, particularly through her many articles, Clare brought to the table Sarcastic Woman in full force. Learn more about her in A Farewell To Clare. During her tenure, Clare reviewed 83 films.
Rich, a limey Brit with a distinct love for all things geek, completed his tour of duty that started in 2003 and went to 2005. Rich's dry sense of humor and irrepressible nose for digging out great cult films was a boon to the site. Farewell Rich! Rich covered 54 movies.
Nancy, our snarky Northeastern teen, shone the bright light of Batman fandom on MRFH from 2005-2007. As she entered college, so went with her our hopes, dreams and $20 she stole from the office kitty. Farewell Nancy.  |
