The Ninth Annual Mutant Awards: 2006

Winner: President Thomas J. Whitmore (Bill Pullman), Independence Day

Forget the king… when it comes to the folks in this category, it's all about hailing to the Chief, baby. And what a race it was, with voters steadfastly declining to give any of our presidential hopefuls a clear mandate. Instead, results so close you'd think we were in Florida saw six of the eight candidates falling within a 9% margin, and our top three all within 4 percentage points of each other. Now that's what I call due process!

However, as the Highlander taught us, there can be only one… and that one is not dirty mutie lover McKenna, whose liberal views alienated constituents left homeless in the wake of Magneto's last rampage. Likewise, voters indicated they'd rather see Alan Alda stitching up soldiers and Jack Nicholson bedding starlets, not running the free world, and an impromptu lightsaber duel between Presidents Skroob and Benson distracted both from campaigning. Faring slightly better was everyman candidate Dave Kovic, whose lack of political experience may have been the only thing holding him back, and Morgan Freeman's anti-asteroid platform showed we're close to seeing a black president, but not quite there yet.

But when all was said and done, it fell to Bill Pullman to once again prove the Kennedy Principle: you don't have to be tall, good-looking, and athletic to become president… but it sure doesn't hurt. Proving that being Commander-in-Chief means more than just barking orders from your desk, President Whitmore strapped into a fighter jet and helped successfully defend his country in our first interplanetary war, which is more than the rest of these whiners can say. And since the only thing his opponents did better then him were suck and die, it's no surprise to find Whitmore sailing into office for another 4 year term. Somebody get this man an intern, stat!

Final Tally:

1. President Thomas J. Whitmore (Bill Pullman), Independence Day (19.8%)
2. President Tom Beck (Morgan Freeman), Deep Impact (18.2%)
3. Dave Kovic (Kevin Kline), Dave (16%)
4. President Skroob (Mel Brooks), Spaceballs (15.4%)
5. President Thomas 'Tug' Benson (Lloyd Bridges), Hot Shots! Part Deux (13%)
6. President James Dale (Jack Nicholson), Mars Attacks! (11.7%)
7. U.S. President (Alan Alda), Canadian Bacon (3.1%)
8. President McKenna (Cotter Smith), X2 (2.8%)

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