The Eighth Annual Mutant Awards: 2005

How many otherwise great movies are ruined by love interests? Too many. I mean, I like a romantic comedy as much as the next person (um, unless the next person is Justin), but so many movies just do not require romance. Especially if it's action, or drama, or sports, or any sort of comedy. But no, Hollywood must always have the pretty nurse, the studly plumber, or the otherwise annoying member of the opposite sex who needs to snog the hero(ine) by the movie's end.

And so often, this person is just flat-out annoying.

It's not totally fair. It's hard to help being annoying when you don't really have much of a purpose. But some characters go above and beyond the call of duty when it comes to driving us nuts, and it's them we, erm, honor today.

The nominees this year were a worthy crop, although it entertains me that almost all of the votes when to three nominees in particular, and the other five walked away virtually unnoticed. Our less-smacked nominees included Buttercup from The Princess Bride, Zip/Catch in Down with Love, and Satine in Moulin Rouge!, who all weighed in with about 4-6% of the vote each. Dana from Ghostbusters and Han Solo from the Star Wars trilogy fared even better, with each of them getting 0.4% of the vote.

Indiana Jones might be a beloved franchise of us Mutants, but darned if the Temple of Doom doesn't clean up well at the Muties. Last year, Short Round made the list of Sidekicks Deserving to be Boiled in Oil. He lost — and badly — to JarJar Binks, but really… is that a surprise to much of anyone? This year, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom again makes our list, with 22.7% going to our favorite archaeologist's love interest Willie, who claims third place.

Star Wars is represented, and that's no surprise as I think we can all agree that George Lucas cannot write romantic dialogue to save his own behind, and that was so emphasized in Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith. Amazingly, Anakin escaped nomination, but Padme did not. Ah, Padme, who was pretty decent and kicked some butt in the first two prequels, but who pined and whined in Revenge of the Sith. Padme earns second place with 28.8% of the vote.

And finally, our grand winner. The love interest you would most like to smack… or love interests, in this case… goes to any member of the Pearl Harbor triangle (or probably all three members), with a full third (okay, almost a full third, at 33.0%) of the vote. Personally, I did not find this at all shocking, and I'm betting a lot of you don't, either. Moviemakers, take notes. Sex in parachutes does not impress our discerning members.

FINAL TALLY:

1. 33.0% Any member from the triangle in Pearl Harbor
2. 28.8% Padme Amidala from Revenge of the Sith
3. 22.7% Willie, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
4. 6.1% Buttercup, The Princess Bride
5. 4.9% Ewan McGregor in Down with Love
6. 3.8% Satine - Moulin Rouge!
7. 0.4% Dana in Ghostbusters
8. 0.4% Han Solo in Empire Strikes Back

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