The Eighth Annual Mutant Awards: 2005

I’ll admit right up front that these results startled me a bit. I’ve seen all of the films referenced in this category, except for Serenity, and that’s only because I wanted to finish the series DVD set and the film was out of theaters when I’d finished. And, all things considered, I would not have picked the winner our participants picked.

36.4% of you wacky readers chose Storm’s line from X-Men right before she blows Toad off a balcony with her electric mojo. The full quote is below. A good 10.6% of you ladies and gentlemen of the jury chose this over the next entry, Jake Lloyd squeaking “Yippee!” in The Phantom Menace. I apparently was not the only one who wanted to slap the bejeebers out of mini-Vader, since he still garnered well over a quarter of the vote. Next came the “hockey team from Hell” line in Batman and Robin, which I’m surprised anyone remembered long enough to vote for given all the horrible puns in the film related to water in its solid state. And I was frankly very surprised to learn that the Terminator’s line was considered worse than the one from LXG, but there it is, 6.1% to 2.3%.

My theory is that people prefer not to vote for lines from films they haven’t seen. X-Men and Phantom Menace both had very large audiences, and so did the next few entries. A loyal but far-from-huge group saw Serenity, Terminator 2 was a long time ago and has been quoted ad nauseum, and I suspect so few people even saw LXG that they had no idea what was going on with that one. (Don’t do it, ladies and gentlemen and mutants of all ages. We are trained reviewers whose brains are specially reinforced to prevent them from dribbling out our ears.)

I personally nominated the XXX line, because my real first choice is from a film so obscure and so bad that I imagine almost none of you wonderful film viewers have ever seen it. It’s from Zardoz, a seventies scifi film starring Sean Connery wearing thigh boots. For reasons of good taste, I do not repeat it here, but if you google the film title you are sure to come across it.

Thanks for voting, and do come again!.

FINAL TALLY:

1. 36.4% "Do you know what happens to a toad when it gets hit by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else." (Storm, X-Men)
2. 25.8% "Yippee!" (The Phantom Menace)
3. 10.6% "It's the hockey team from hell!" (Batman & Robin)
4. 6.8% "Welcome to the Xander Zone!" (XXX)
5. 6.1% "And that's called kicking your ass!" (Charlie's Angels)
6. 6.1% "I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar." (Serenity)
7. 6.1% "Hasta la vista, baby" (Terminator 2)
8. 2.3% "The vampire lady is covering us!" (League of Extraordinary Gentlemen)

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