The Seventh Annual Mutant Awards: 2004

We’ve all been there. Huddled under our blankies, tears rolling silently down our cheeks, gnawing ol’ Teddy’s furry ear half off to keep from breaking out in howls of despair while remembering that moment… that hideous moment… when our innocence was butchered on the alter of dramatic effect.

Okay Pooly, that’s Kyle’s blanky. You need to give it back now, sweetie. Give it back. Now. Right now. Don’t make me come over there… Look, if I have to get out The Doom Generation… That’s better. Much better!

Anyway, while everyone’s gone through this traumatic rite of passage, there’s been some speculation about which cinematic assassin of childhood naiveté packed the most wallop to the pre-adolescent set. Well that’s what we’re here for! Wonder no more.

With an overwhelming 33.6% of the vote, first place is posthumously presented to Bambi’s loving mommy who took a bullet way back in 1942 (yes, even before my time!) and turned generations of viewers away from venison forever. Yes indeedy, ripping children’s hearts out for sixty-two years and counting! Thanks Walt!

20.6% of you (and who knows how this’ll stack up in sixty years or so) opted for a more recent family tragedy in the animated set, with the murder of The Lion King’s Mufasa at the hands…er… paws, of his dastardly brother Scar. Personally I still can’t sit through the ensuing stampede.

And speaking of stampedes, the rest of our little bedwetting enabling focus group of horror came thundering down the stretch in darn close to a… wait for it… a dead heat. Ranging from 11% down to 4.5% were the nightmarish field o’ blood from Watership Down, the cold blooded (literally) offing of Nemo’s mom, the dentrificically traumatic entrance of Fizzgig in The Dark Crystal, E.T - DOA, the boys will be many other species incident on Pinocchio’s Pleasure Island, and my own daughter’s personal reason for never sleeping again - Voldemort’s penchant for getting into your head in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.

Congratulations… or condolences, to our winners!

FINAL TALLY:
• 33.6% - Bambi: I love you, mommy! *BLAM* "Your mother won't be seeing you anymore."
• 20.6% - The Lion King: The death of Mufasa; tossed off a cliff into a stampede, where he's subsequently trampled to death.
• 11% - Watership Down: Fiver's Vision of a field filled with dripping blood.
• 9.6% - Finding Nemo: Nemo's mom gets unceremoniously chewed up and spit out in the first 3 minutes.
• 7.6% - The Dark Crystal: 90% teeth-filled mouth Fizzgig leaps from the bushes.
• 6.8% - E.T.: The cute alien finally dies.
• 6.2% - Pinocchio: When all of the boys on the Pleasure Island start turning into animals.
• 4.5% - Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone: Seeing Voldemort in the back of Quirrell's head.

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