The MRFH 2003 Revue

It was the Chinese year of the sheep, which boded none to well for the cinematic world at large. Movies were hyped, spirits soared (away), and we witnessed probably the only year in all history where a man was featured as both a cybernetic killing machine AND a governor of California. 2003 was, in a MRFH word, groovy.

The Mutant Reviewers was here all the way, bringing you hundreds of new movie reviews, articles, and unorthodox spellings of the Queen's English. The site is a never-ending project, but we at MRFH consider it all about the journey we take: to find new cult movies, to vent on really horrible flicks, to try and connect and see if there's anyone else out there who feels like we do about movies. Perhaps yes, perhaps no. But it's been a spectacular year, and before anything else, I really want to thank the very hard-working MRFH staff for all of the hours they've put in, sweating profusely over a keyboard, just to entertain us all. They're not just a staff, they're terrific friends, and the joy of doing MRFH is being able to work alongside all of them. I also wish to heartily shake the hands of all of our constant readers who keep the spirit of MRFH so alive and kicking.

12 months can mean a lot for a web site, and here are the top five major happenings that occurred to MRFH in 2003:

New MRFH Staff Members
In spring 2003, long-time Mutant Reviewers Andie and DnaError parted from MRFH, and we held the first auditions for new applicants since 2000 (the year when both Clare and DnaError came on board). During the month of April and May, we received over 50 lengthy applications, which kept both myself and PoolMan busy in reading, sorting, and narrowing down our choices. It was an incredibly difficult decision, but when the dust cleared in June, we had not just two, but three new writers on staff: Rich, Alex and Bobby. Unfortunately, over time Bobby fell prey to the same shadow government agents that kidnapped Toni, and in November, we welcomed our "first alternate" choice on board, Lissa. Rich, Alex and Lissa have brought tremendous talents and perspectives to MRFH, and the whole staff has benefited wonderfully from our reformed team of writers.

"Oh, Gigli!"

Mutant Summit 3 (and 3.5) (and 3.75)
As the MRFH staff is spread across four countries and thousands of miles, the opportunities for us to meet and hang out in person are very slim. Therefore, it's always a celebration when two Mutants are able to meet, and 2003 saw three such epic, Lord of the Rings-worthy quests. In July 2003, I traveled back up to the lush yet primitive lands of the fabled Canadas to meet with PoolMan for Mutant Summit 3. Our subsequent forum posts, pictures and articles are the stuff of olde tyme legynds. Before her disappearance, Bobby got the "privilege" to meet Kyle, and wrote up some of the funniest conversations you'll read all year in Mutant Summit 3.5. Finally, rumor has it that Rich sallyed over to Denmark for a Mutant Summit with Alex, and hopefully we'll be seeing that article soon!

The 6th Annual Mutant Awards
The air was tense with excitement and a funny smell, as we launched our annual award show voting. Eight categories, hundreds of votes, and many frazzled hairdos later, and the 6th Annual Mutant Awards was finally brought to the starving public. It was a unique (for the better) year for the AMAs, as it was both the first year for the whole staff to do the presentations, AND our first year to present the "Cult Lifetime Achievement Award", which was given to and accepted by Bruce "Hail to the king" Campbell.

The Forum Finds A New Home
After a couple years of posting on the Mutant Café Delphi forums, we finally decided that the ads and fake posts were too much trouble for what it was worth. Thus, in June 2003, the MRFH Forum moved its collective butt over to its new home, providing us with ample room to grow and tons of new toys to play with (like signatures, which were promptly filled with poorly animated Street Fighter GIFs as the MRFH Forum Elite Fighting Force was born). Among dozens of fun conversations, the highlight of the forum's year was in Rich's well-designed contests, such as the Mutant Family Feud and the Famous Last Words quiz. By the end of 2003, we topped 100 forum users and many thousands of posts (of which PoolMan was responsible for at least half).

MRFH Grows And Expands Like A Mutating Virus
Really, this is just a catch-all for the many, many additions, updates and changes we saw to MRFH over all of 2003. As PoolMan struggled with computer problems, the Web Comic went on haitus. We brought out a completely new template for the articles, continued to revise our review format, received tons of pretty new graphics by PoolMan and Alex and myself, instituted the Daily MRFH Calendar and MRFHbits on the front page, and just generally rolled around in the cinematic excess that was not only this year, but every year of film to date. The video store is our playground, and bad, funny, crappy, brilliant, charming, talentless, droll, slap-happy, or quirky films are our playthings. While we don't have the exact numbers, we added well over a hundred new movie titles to our review listings, with double that in actual reviews. Perhaps the most gratifying moment of the year for me was when my mother -- who hardly ever visits MRFH for fear that it'll give her warts or something -- saw the site for the first time in many years and was astounded with how big we've gotten and how much cooler we now look.

I'd like to end my 2003 Revue article by mentioning some of the films I saw and/or reviewed this year. Not all are from 2003, but since time is meaningless when it comes to rentals, it's all just as well.

• Best Car Chase Scene and Niftiest Fight Using A Urinal: Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines

• Gogo Rocked My World: Kill Bill vol. 1

• Most Imaginative Way To Turn Chicks In Leather, Vampires, Werewolves, And Tons Of Guns Into A Very Boring Film: Underworld

• So Bad, I Refused To See The Sequel On Principle: The Matrix Reloaded

• Best Middle-Aged Teenager: Freaky Friday

• Shortest Battle Scenes: Equilibrium

• Best Weird, Bizarre and Utterly Lovable Canadian Movie: Invasion!

• Best Movie To Get Blinded By PoolMan And His Naughty Camera: Pirates of the Carribean

• Greatest Green To Crap Ratio: Hulk

• Best Movie For Those Afraid Of Heights And Spiders: Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

• Most Forgettable Sequel: Charlie's Angels 2

• Best Joke Using Disgusting Dinner Worms: Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World

• Good Yardstick To See If People Have Actually Seen A Good College Movie Or Not: Old School

• Best Educational Flick That Taught Us How To Speak Whale: Finding Nemo

• Most Personal Pain In Watching: [tie] Ed and Return of the King

• Science? We Don't Need No Stinking Science!: The Core

• Best Movie Snack Food: Lissa's ultra-gooey brownies

• Best Use Of A Non-Irritating Hugh Grant: About A Boy

• Best Brit Import: Dog Soldiers

• Most Running By Monsters: 28 Days Later

• Spawned The Most Penis Fish References On The Forum: Anaconda

• Best Screencaps I Did All Year: Bio-Dome

• Most Mock-Worthy Film Of The Year, And Would Still Be The Most Hated By The Public If Gigli Didn't Come Out: The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

• Most Creative Opening Credits: The School of Rock

• I Still Liked The First One More, But I Seem To Be In The Minority: X2: X-Men United

• Most Beautiful Animation: Spirited Away

• Three Words -- I Am Gay: How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days

• Most Vitriol: The Matrix Revolutions