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The Dirty Half Dozen: Movie Poster Ideas That Should Be Shelved
Posted by Heather
It’s no surprise that Hollywood’s kind of running out of ideas. There’s the rare jewel here and there but that generally just turns out to be a re-imagining of a story we’ve already heard. A lot of times the only thing a movie ever had going for it was its poster.
Some are amazing pieces of art: intriguing, captivating, thought-provoking and piquing our curiosity to the point that there is no way we will not see what awesome piece of celluloid could have inspired such stunning beauty.
This article is not about those posters.
Frequently I peruse the aisles of the local video store or Netflix list and sigh in exasperation at some of the ridiculous move poster ideas that long should have been shelved, such as:
The Poster: Disembodied heads in the top half, boring bit of “action” in the bottom half.
Offending Genre: Drama, usually.
Why This Has To Go: I get it. Really, I do. If you’ve got a drama on your hands then basically you’re going to have a make a poster about a movie that focuses solely on one person and his/her life and struggles. I can see how sometimes there’s really nothing else to do but stick the protagonist on the front, but…can’t we have something a little less like a Rolling Stone spread?
See, This is How We Do It:
…like a Rolling Stone cover! Simple. Beautiful. Eye-catching. Still just the protagonist of our story, but at least the titular guitar is in there, and in a very beautiful shot.
The Poster: The back-to-back shot
Offending Genre: Romantic comedies and buddy flicks
Why This Has To Go: Pretty much any romantic comedy flick has boring posters, and this one bugs me almost more than the disembodied heads. The romantic comedy poster is rife with just pictures of the loving couple being in woooovvveeee, hating each other’s guts, or somewhere in the middle like this latest Matthew McConaughey vehicle. Honestly, is this guy contractually obligated to make 3.5 horrible “rom-coms” a year?
See, This Is How We Do It:
Pancake pillows! A lot more people would watch romantic comedies if they were advertising pancake pillows!
The Poster: Moody and reflective, a la gun pointed up, head tilted down, resting on barrel.
Offending Genre: Action, thrillers.
Why This Has To Go: Honestly, what is the deal with these things? Action fans want awesomeness, a smokin’ cast and lots of deaths and ’splosions. Not: “Oh no. I blew someone away. With this gun. Again. Life is so hard *sigh*.”
See, This Is How We Do It: 
Mmm……*ahem* sorry. I, uh…posted the wrong pic.
You know your poster screams “action” when you’re afraid to turn your back on it.
The Poster: A dark, empty house on a hill on a dark, empty night.
Offending Genre: Horror
Why This Has To Go: Oh come on, Hollywood! This movie isn’t even about the house! You know you’re overusing your already tired idea when you just slap it on anything with with the subject in the title.
See, This Is How We Do It:
Sure, skulls are really overused in the horror genre, but how can you not say that this poster is awesome?
The Poster: Character or group of characters looking at us through a woman’s legs. 
Why This Has To Go: At least half of all college comedies use this idea for their poster. In fact, offhand I know of two more National Lampoon movies that used it.
See, This Is How We Do It! 
Most of us haven’t been covered in Post-Its (But if you have, you know, I’m not judging….) but we can definitely identify with the feeling we get looking at this poor shmuck. Also, how can you not love that tagline?
The Poster: Our brooding hero/heroine standing menacingly, preferable overlooking the city he/she has sworn to protect 
Gorgeous as Kate Beckinsale is, this is just a boring poster.
Offending Genre Superhero flicks
Why This Has To Go: Superhero movies have some of the best posters out there (*cough*DarkKnight*cough*), but time to time even they succumb to just sticking the protagonist on the front, looking “cool”.
See, This Is How We Do It: 
Beautiful. Need I say more? 
Mmm……..sorry. Had to. Don’t deny that you have a man crush for him, guys.
Very funny! Desperado!
Truthfully, just about every movie is a re-imagining of a story we’ve already heard. Just go over to the TV Tropes wiki to get an idea of how much that’s the case. The best that can be done is to avoid being too obvious about your sources.
Desperado> Sna-ort!
Personally I always liked the old school painting style posters. I think what makes most posters so bland is their extreme focus of the actors over conveying the feel of the movie. There’s only so many ways to plaster someone’s face all over something.
Sitting Duck> What’s the saying? “There’s only seven plots in the world and Shakespeare’s done them all before.”
Ya know, you’re right. The only reason I saw Dan in Real Life was because of the pancake pillows.
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