Ten Movies To Actually Watch WITH Your Kid

Well, this show has been on the road for eleven years, and over that time the Mutant Reviewers from Hell have undergone some changes.  We’ve had reviewers and readers come and go.  We’ve had people move.  We’ve had people get married.  We’ve had tragedies and scares.  And we’ve had births.

Just given our age demographic, it’s not surprising.  Of the current reviewers on staff, four of us are married, and at least nine of us are of the age where we can have children and our parents wouldn’t completely die of a heart attack.  And our readers are hitting that same time in their lives.  And as we do, what’s on our TVs changes.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children under two don’t watch TV, and after that, children are exposed to a very limited amount of television.  Now, I’m all for that, but at the same time, kids watching TV has some benefits, trust me.  When your kid is sick, when it’s raining out, or when God forbid you actually want to cook dinner without someone under your feet constantly, the TV is a godsend.

But what can you put on?  What isn’t completely shrill and annoying and is something that everyone in the house can actually tolerate?  (At least the first 50 times.)  Fortunately, I have answers.  Now, this list is geared at the toddler set.  It’s also geared at the times parents want to sit down and watch WITH their kids.  I’m not saying that you should watch with your kids every second, because that can sometimes defeat the purpose (like the dinner-cooking one).  But sometimes it’s nice to have a cuddle and share something you love with your child.

And one other caveat: I have two boys.  There is a serious lack of princesses on this list.

10.  Titan A.E., the original Star Trek or the original Battlestar Galactica

Little boys, I am discovering, love space.  They really, truly do.  And it’s not just my kid- EVERY little boy I know can recite Star Wars and the Clone Wars without pausing for breath.  However, there is very little about space that’s geared at kids.  Space is no longer deemed cool by marketers.

But it was cool in the seventies and eighties, and that’s when the original Star Trek series and the original Battlestar Galactica came out.  I haven’t tested Star Trek with my kids, but my pediatrician actually recommended it.  I have tested the original Battlestar Galactica, and Ducklet spent the next month pretending to be Starbuck.  It was a huge hit.  And Titan A.E. is just cool, and has the little-kid advantage of being animated.

Yes, these movies/shows are a little… advanced.  Yes, there is a lot that will go right over their little heads.  But there are spaceships and neat aliens, minimal bloodshed (even if there’s violence), the enemy is generally not too scary, and two out of the three are genuinely fun stories.  (The third is just fun to laugh at its cheesiness.)  And just in case it isn’t clear, yes, I am totally talking about the original BSG, and not the new one.  Do not show your toddlers the new BSG.  End stop.

So, why isn’t Star Wars and the Clone Wars on this list?  Two words: light sabers.  Because let’s face it- after you see a light saber, there is only one thing you can do: pretend any stick or wrapping paper roll is one and run around hitting things.  If your toddler is the last of your line, this is fine.  If your toddler has younger siblings, it’s better to wait until the sibling can defend his or herself before introducing your toddler to Star Wars.

Trust me on this.

9. Planet Earth

This is a beautiful, amazing series that was put out on BBC.  It’s extremely educational and you’ll learn lots of interesting things about nature, and your kid will enjoy watching the close up shots of any sort of animal you can imagine.  All while beautiful, soothing music plays.

I will admit that it’s a little slow.  The talk might not hold your toddler’s attention, especially if your sprog is of the more active variety.  But it is really pretty, and the animals are really neat.

8. Ice Age 2: The Meltdown

Ice Age is a fun enterprise, one I’ve enjoyed long before I had kids.  It’s the story of an unconventional “herd”: Manny the Mammoth, Diego the Saber-Toothed Tiger, and Sid the Sloth, voiced by Ray Romono, Dennis Leary, and Jon Leguzamo, respectively.  Really, these three should do more together.  It’s a ragtag, fantastic group, and they play off each other very well.

I prefer the first Ice Age myself, but I listed the second one for a reason.  In the first one, Diego “dies.”  He comes back to life via the whole cats-have-nine-lives thing, but for a young one, that can be a little freaky.  In Ice Age 2, we don’t have any fake deaths.

Even better, in Ice Age 2, we get some new characters.  Ellie, the mammoth who thinks she’s a possum is relatively amusing, but her possum brothers, the mini sloths, and Scrat all steal the show.  It’s cute, it’s fun, and while it lacks the cutting wit of anything Pixar’s ever made, it’s a pretty good bet and holds up well to multiple viewing.

7. Walking with Dinosaurs

There are things little boys love more than space, and they are trucks and dinosaurs.  Walking with Dinosaurs is another BBC series, and the effects and the dinosaurs alone make this worth watching.  Again, it’s very educational, and it’s just… wow.

However, this is DEFINITELY one to watch WITH your kid.  This is the age of dinosaurs, so yes, some of them eat others.  Because that’s how dinosaurs work.  You might want to fast forward through that if your kid can’t take it.  They also (and I’m so not joking about this) show dinosaurs mating.  Trust me, your life is not complete until you’ve seen two apatosaurs getting it on.

Dino porn.  You know you’re curious now.

6. The Shrek Movies

What could be better than Scottish ogres and talking donkeys?  How about fencing cats and giant walking gingerbread men?  Shrek farts, burps, and is otherwise disgusting, which of course makes kids howl with laughter.  The movies also gleefully lampoon fairy tales and add in spoofs galore, which makes adults laugh.

I include Shrek for another reason.  Of all the movie princesses, Fiona is one of my favorites.  I like the fact that Fiona is an ogress, and she’s happy that way.  She goes out and saves her man, she doesn’t just sit around being pretty… Fiona is a pretty strong female character, and if I had a daughter I’d like her to like Fiona.  It’s nice to see someone turn the princess cliché on its head.

And although the movie is heavy handed with its moral, it’s a moral I really like.

5. The Jungle Book

Ah, classic Disney.  Hand drawn animation.  There is very little of that on this list, which sort of surprises me.

But I’ve found that my kids aren’t as into the old Disney movies.  Some of them, I just haven’t shown them.  I never liked Pinocchio, I have feminist issues with Snow White, and The Fox and the Hound is one of the slowest movies EVER.  Plus, Pixar is just awesome, so my kids tend to watch those.  But The Jungle Book is one of the best classic movies out there.  It focuses on animals, it’s funny, and it’s got the best music of any classic Disney movie out there.

4. Finding Nemo

You might be shocked that only two Pixar movies made this list, or that I didn’t just put “anything by Pixar.”  I am, a little, too.  But, see, for the toddler set, not all Pixar movies are created equal.  The Incredibles, for example, is a little too talky for the kiddies, especially at the beginning.  Same with Ratatouille.  (Interestingly, those are my two favorite Pixar movies.)  Toy Story can be scary for kids, because honestly?  Sid is a scary villain.  Not because he’s so far out there, but because he’s NOT.  Kids know that the Drej from Titan A.E. don’t exist.  They also know that kids like Sid do.  Monsters, Inc has monsters.  Yes, yes, I know they’re NICE monsters, but YOU convince a three year old of that one.

Finding Nemo, however, goes over incredibly well.  It’s gender neutral, it’s bright and colorful, it’s hysterical, and I’m telling you: I’ve seen this movie over fifty times and Dory NEVER gets old.  She really doesn’t.

If you have a kid, you need to own this movie.  End of discussion.

3. Cars

Cars is the other Pixar movie I put on the list, because again, it’s funny and it’s pretty gender neutral and it’s creative and it’s great.  Yes, it’s Doc Hollywood told by cars, but hey.  But the thing about Cars that I really like is that there are no real villains.  There is absolutely nothing scary (except maybe Frank) about Cars.  There is nothing that can be conceived of as scary.  And yet, because of the structure of the story, this works, even for adults.

2. The Muppet Movies

The Muppets are pure awesome, we all know this.  But the Muppets also have some monsters, and some jokes that go too far over kids’ heads.  However, the Muppet movie is a little more kid-friendly, with lots of Fozzie and Kermit and Miss Piggy and Gonzo.  Great music, and great guest cameos, although I have to admit, I don’t recognize some of them.  I like the other Muppet movies as well, by the way.  But the first one is always a classic.

And if you don’t believe me that they’re aimed at adults as well, the Lost? Try Hare Krishna running gag or the scene where Miss Piggy fantasizes about having sex with Kermit prove it.

1. Sesame Street

Jim Henson really deserved a Nobel Prize for all he’s done for children’s entertainment.  Seriously.  Aside from the amazing puppetry, he created shows that parents and children could watch.  Shows that genuinely made learning fun.  Songs that I have on my iPod.  And Sesame Street is right there at the top of the list.

Sesame Street isn’t as snarky as the Muppets, and Elmo can be annoying for parents, yes.  But it is still packed with stuff adults will laugh at, and spoofs and references that kids just don’t get.  (My favorite: there was a man dressed in a terrible powder blue suit- with cape- on, back facing the audience.  “The Final Countdown” started playing.  And it totally went from there.  If you don’t get the reference, you really need to watch Arrested Development.  If you do, it’s worth finding this spot and watching it.)  I particularly have enjoyed “American I” and “Let’s Make a Meal.”  (I now want them to do “Battletriangle Galactica”, with Telly as Adama, Oscar as Tigh, and Elmo as the ever-helpful Gaeta, all battling the even Trilons (triangle shaped robots) and learning that monsters and Trilons aren’t so different after all.  Tell me that wouldn’t be hysterical.)

Okay, so Elmo’s World can be hard to stomach as an adult, I admit that.  But the rest of it… it really is great stuff for kids to watch.

5 Shows or Movies to Think Twice About

5. Most kids’ entertainment

For every gem of a show, there are about 10 terrible ones out there.  At best, a lot of children’s entertainment is just DUMB.  At worst, it can be offensive and stupid.

However, there is good stuff out there that you just don’t want to watch with your kids.  It’s geared at kids, it doesn’t have that edge that anything Jim Henson touched does, and it does go heavy on lessons and morals.  But it’s still worth allowing your kids to watch.  Just choose carefully.

Death To Smoochy, while a horrible movie, was made for a reason, people.

4. The Road to El Dorado

Why must people insist on thinking that animated means suitable for kids?  I very much enjoy The Road to El Dorado, but I would not show it to a young child.  There’s some scary violence, the “heroes” are in the morally gray area, and there’s a fairly obvious oral sex scene.  (Come on.  You KNOW that’s what she’s doing.)  I’m not objecting to animated movies not being for children, just investigate them before you show them to kids, okay?

3. Zoboomafoo

This has been a list of things that it’s good to watch with your kids, that everyone can stand.  For things you can let your kids watch on their own, Zoboomafoo tops my list.  Zoboomafoo is an animal show hosted by the Kratt brothers, Martin and Chris.  The brothers both have degrees in animal related fields, and are educational, informative, and clear.  They talk about all sorts of different animals and emphasize compassion, environmentalism/animal protection, and safety around animals.  They’re joined by an overactive lemur (I think) named… I don’t know.  Zaboo?  Zoboomafoo?  I haven’t worked that out.  It’s a great show.

However, unless you really get into the animals, there’s really nothing here for the adults.  This is strictly kid stuff, and while it’s good kid stuff, I find it BORING.  This is the stuff to put on when you want to get the bathrooms cleaned or dinner cooked, because there’s NOTHING here that requires parental supervision and it’s quality kids’ entertainment, but it’s not something you want to watch yourself.

2. Baby Einstein videos

Have you ever put these things in?  They are hypnotic.  They’re geared for the baby set, and images go across the screen as classical music plays.  The thing about these is that if you sit down to watch, you will not get back up.  Especially because if you’re watching these, you probably aren’t sleeping the nights yet, anyway.

1. The Lion King

Disney makes a lot of great movies, and The Lion King is my personal favorite of them all.  I used to believe that this would be the one I’d want to share with my children first.

Then we visited a friend, who told us that her son was not allowed to watch it.  Why?  Because Simba’s father dies in the middle, on screen.

It’s a good reason.

Should children be shielded from violence and tragedy?  Well, YES, if we can help it.  I’m not saying that children should grow up naïve, and when you as a parent ARE ready to start introducing the concept of death, The Lion King might very well be a good jumping off point.  And a seven or eight year old might not be so concerned.  But yes, a three year old- once he understands what death is- is immediately going to start worrying that his daddy is going to die.  As parents, we need to have dialogues with our children, but we also need to understand when our children are emotionally and mentally ready for those dialogues.

Sue, stop laughing your butt off at me right now.  I’m eating crow in public for you, girl, and it’s still one of MY favorite Disney movies.  Shut up.

And that’s really the big caveat of this list.  These are the things I’ve found are good for my kids, and that my kids enjoy and can handle.  But your mileage may vary, because only the parents really know what they want their kids watching.  What I find objectionable (Barney- I HATE Barney) might not bug you at all, and you might be staring at this list in shock wondering what the heck has possessed my brain.  Make your own judgments, but maybe this can give you new ideas or help get you started.