Sue does Monty Python and the Holy Grail

“Help! Help! I’m being repressed! Come see the violence inherent in the system!”

The Scoop: 1975 PG, directed by Terry Gilliam & Terry Jones and starring Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Eric Idle and Michael Palin

Tagline: And now! At Last! Another film completely different from some of the other films which aren’t quite the same as this one is.

Summary: Monty Python, that wacky British street gang, travel old England in search for the Holy Grail and a sorcerer named Tim

Sue’s Rating: Is there anyone who hasn’t seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail? Aside from my parents, I mean. And a few of their friends. And Farmer Dave from next door. Oh, and Captain Johnson.

Sue’s Review: Seldom do I let anyone escape a review without the obligatory forced march down memory lane, so come along with me (if ye dare) back to a dimly lit family room in a nice suburban house in Chester County, Pennsylvania. The year is 1983. The hour is late enough that my parents have already hit the proverbial hay (which was probably a good thing) and my sister and a few friends are preparing to watch a movie on our brand new state of the art VCR. Enter the annoying, but persistant younger sibling. Moi. And imagine that younger sibling’s initial befuddlement when faced with opening credits written in what appears to be Swedish… and that the credits involve justifiable violence committed by a moose. Until the credit writers were sacked.

And I, the least among them, laughed my friggin’ head off.

So began a young waif’s (well, maybe not so young or waifish. I was fifteen.) initiation into the world of cult movies in general and Monty Python in particular.

Now flash forward several (eek!) decades to just a few days ago. It was a morning at work, like many other mornings. The daily books were done, the lottery sheets added up, the coffee brewed, the glass doors de-finger-smudged, a few shelves dusted and the day’s headlines perused… all by seven-thirty. (Which is about the same time Kyle probably starts thinking about going to bed.) In my hand, I had a cup of Life’s L’il Elixir (16 ounces of Vanilla Nut java with three creams and two sugars) and I was chatting idly with one of the coffee klatch regulars, a law enforcement officer who I have come to refer to affectionately as “the gun-toting atheist.” (He doesn’t seem to mind too much. At least, he hasn’t hosed me down with pepper spray or written me up for a 10-96. Yet.) During the course of our conversation, which had meandered in the direction of a proposed expansion of a local charter school, I inadvertently used the phrase, “tract of land.” As the words left my mouth, my train of thought derailed and burst into the flames. Hesitating, I winced and muttered under my breath, “Ergh, Monty Python moment.” Immediately, and to my complete surprise, he bellowed with perfect inflection, “HUUUUUUUGE TRACTS OF LAND!”

Wow! You just don’t expect that from someone who is quite dapperly (and officially) attired like the very model of a modern Major-General.

Later, I related the incident to my offspring, Spawn of Mutant 1 and 2 as we dined lavishly at the local Pizza Hut. (SoM2 prefers the pasta. Snob.) In the manner of their teenaged stream-of-consciousness kind, SoM1 launched into a monologue pertaining to the air-speed velocity of the African versus the European Swallow (laden and not) while his sister sighed and reflected dolefully about “poor tortured cats.” From there, we held a retrospective on the instruction manual for the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. (Book of Armaments, Chapter 2, verses 9-21) There are times when I am just… so gosh darn proud of my children. *sniff*

Is there a point to all of this? Does a European swallow’s wings flap forty-three times a second? Well actually, no, but that’s beside the point.

All of this, I think, serves to illustrate the magic of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. To watch this movie is to join a fraternity of sorts. You can’t necessarily tell at first glance who your fellow members are, but they pop up every so often and say Ni again to you, if you do not appease them, to fart in your general direction and to ask you trick questions about your name and favorite color.

They… that is to say, WE are out there and WE are a force to be reckoned with. That’s the essence of a fine cult film and Holy Grail is arguably the finest ever made.

In fact, I am convinced that when the chips are down, and when the team is up against it, and the breaks are beating the boys, and you cry out, “I want…. A SHRUBBERY!” you will hear the unmistakable clopping of many non-migratory coconut shells retreating into the distance to the upraised chorus of “Run away! Run away!”

It’s beautiful when you stop to think about it. Just beautiful.

Want a second opinion?  Check out Justin, PoolMan and Lissa’s reviews here!

Bugs flips out

Didja Notice?

• Cat abuse!
• I’ve always loved how the musical soundtrack cut off in the middle of the first Black Knight fight, which makes the sounds of combat so much more funny
• The Black Knight was first played by John Cleese, but when Arthur cuts off the man’s leg, a real one-legged actor (a local silversmith) was used.
• Most of the castles were cardboard cutouts, and indeed the trailer shows one of them falling over.
• A shrubbery is British slang for a hooker, giving the whole Knights who say Ni scene a double meaning
• When Tim the Enchanter gives the “eccentric performance” about the ferocity of the rabbit, there is a large amount of spit that comes flying out of his mouth. [thanks Jared]
• When Sir Bedevere asks the villagers why witches burn, you can see the villager on the left (Eric Idle) start to crack up. To keep from giggling, he bites onto his scythe. [thanks Jared]
• The picture of Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Film is actually Michael Palin’s son, William. [thanks Jared]
• If you watch the monks hitting themselves on the head carefully, you can see one of the monks in the back stagger after hitting himself. [thanks Pat F]

Groovy Quotes

French Soldier: I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

Bedevere: What makes you think she’s a witch?
Peasant: Well she turned me into a newt!
Bedevere: A newt?
Peasant: I got better.
Crowd: BURN HER ANYWAY!

Dennis: Help! Help! I’m being repressed! Come see the violence inherent in the system! Violence inherent in the system!

Bedevere: …and that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana shaped.
Arthur: This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how sheep’s bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.

King of Swamp Castle: We live in a bloody swamp. We need all the land we can get.
Prince Herbert: But I don’t like her.
King of Swamp Castle: Don’t like her? What’s wrong with her. She’s beautiful, she’s rich, she’s got huge … tracts of land.

Tim: Follow. But! Follow only if ye be men of valour, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth.
Arthur: What an eccentric performance.

Knights of Camelot: [singing] We’re knights of the Round Table, we dance whene’er we’re able. We do routines and chorus scenes with footwork impec-cable, We dine well here in Camelot, we eat ham and jam and Spam a lot. / We’re knights of the Round Table, our shows are for-mi-dable. But many times we’re given rhymes that are quite un-sing-able, We’re opera mad in Camelot, we sing from the diaphragm a lot. / In war we’re tough and able, Quite in-de-fa-ti-gable. Between our quests we sequin vests and impersonate Clark Gable / It’s a busy life in Camelot [solo] I have to push the pram a lot.

King of Swamp Castle: Look Alice…
Prince Herbert: Herbert!
King of Swamp Castle: Herbert…

Minstrel: [singing] Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Robin. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin. He was not in the least bit scared to being mashed into a pulp, or to have his eyes carved out, and his elbows broken. To have his kneecap split, and his body burned away, and his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin. His head smashed in and heart cut out, and his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged, and his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off and his penis…
Sir Robin: THAT’S, that’s quite enough, Minstrel.

Minstrel: [singing] Brave Sir Robin ran away, bravely ran away away. When danger reared his ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled. Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about, he turned his tail, he chickened out. Bravely taking to his feet, he beat a very brave retreat. A brave retreat by Sir Robin.

God: What are you doing now?
Arthur: Averting our eyes, oh Lord.
God: Well, don’t. It’s just like those miserable psalms, always so depressing.

King of Swamp Castle: This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let’s not bicker and argue about who killed who.

Arthur: Is there someone else up there we could talk to?
French Soldier: No, now go away before I taunt you a second time.

Black Knight: Have at you!
Arthur: You are indeed brave, sir knight, but the fight is mine.
Black Knight: Oh, had enough eh?
Arthur: Look, you stupid bastard. You’ve got no arms left!
Black Knight: Yes I have.
Arthur: Look!
Black Knight: Just a flesh wound!

French Knight: You don’t frighten us, English pig dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, so-called “Arthur King,” you and all your silly English K-nig-hts.

Arthur: I am your king!
Woman: Well I didn’t vote for you!
Arthur: You don’t vote for kings.
Woman: Well how’d you become king then?
[Angelic music plays...]
Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king!
Dennis: [interrupting] Listen, strange women lyin’ in ponds distributin’ swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony!

Dennis: Oh, but you can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!

Dennis: Oh but if I went ’round sayin’ I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!

[The King gestures to the window.]
King of Swamp Castle: Some day, lad, all this will be yours.
Prince Herbert: What, the curtains?

Knight 1: We are now no longer the Knights who say Ni.
Knight 2: NI!
Other Knights: Shh…
Knight 1: We are now the Knights who say… “Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG! Zoom-Boing! Z’nourrwringmm!”

If you liked this movie, try these:

• Monty Python’s Life of Brian
• Monty Python’s Meaning of Life
• Excalibur