Mutant Bios

Justin, the co-creator of MRFH, is a man of mysteries, silly putty and mannequins. By day, he’s a mild-mannered youth pastor who shaves his head and gets paid for staging games like Shaving Cream Whiffleball. By night, he’s asleep. But somewhere in between, the boy-who-is-man manages to watch and review movies like a crazed monkey, hooting and slapping his Italian paw against a typewriter. Justin is partial to the rare funny comedy, the ultra-rare cult gem, and any college movie starring Jeremy Piven and Jon Favreau. Depending on their capricious moods, the staff either calls him “Fearless Leader” or “The Ogre”. In 2004 he met his arch-nemesis, code name “Caramel”, and a year later, took the plunge into married life.

• Check out Justin’s Top Ten movies!

• Read Justin’s entries
• Will Be Played In The Movie By: John Belushi (revived from the dead)
• Forum Handle: HEADMUTANT
• E-Mail Justin: bigbanana -at- hotmail -dot- com

Kyle was a one-time teenage drama king. A hot, tough everyday wannabe, he was a wild child dreamer who finally found himself cuz he believes in nothin’ else. Although not a California native, he tells everyone he is, especially girls who are sure they grew up with him in Laguna Beach. Meanwhile, Kyle likes to take breaks from long melancholy walks on west coast beaches to see movies and then express his opinions to the masses. Born with a critical eye and a caustic wit, Kyle takes to film reviewing like a young turtle takes to modern finance (which is to say, quite well). He hopes to solve some of life’s mysteries via his observant quest into the realm of cinematic human consciousness, including why everyone thinks he smokes when he doesn’t and why Silly Putty isn’t more popular than it is. But if Kyle’s efforts just get more people to watch the movie Grind and like it, that’s enough for him.

• Check out Kyle’s Top Ten movies!

• Read Kyle’s entries
• Will Be Played In The Movie By: Pierce Brosnan
• Forum Handle: CAPTAINKYLE
• E-Mail Kyle: kylerexpop -at- hotmail -dot- com

Raised in the Philadelphia ‘burbs and currently a Cheesehead, Sue is stuck between two regional accents for which she is heckled by all sides. Her job history includes such fascinating vocations as Caprine Lactose Extraction Technician (goat milker), Equine Residential Facilitator (stable manager) and Mycologist (mushroom grower. No not THOSE mushrooms!). Currently she gives directions to cartographically challenged travelers and makes a lot of coffee. Oh yes, she’s writing a novel too in a collaborative effort. Sue is divorced with two pre-teen offspring, a duo of ex-racing greyhounds and a mortgage.

• Check out Sue’s Top Ten movies!

• Read Sue’s entries
• Will Be Played In The Movie By: Tobey Maguire
• Forum Handle: PFRSUE
• E-Mail Sue: pfrsue2 -at- yahoo -dot- com

Lissa was born a little too long ago in a galaxy not so far away, and now resides in Pennsylvania, which makes the story sound a lot less interesting. She has more degrees than a thermometer and is a total geek, proven by the fact that she thinks that “joke” is funny. She’s a Penn State alumnus and fan, a fuel scientist in a former and future life, and a stay-at-home mom in the present. Lissa is also married to Forum regular Duckie (as can be seen by the constant mention of him in her reviews), and holds a black belt in tae kwon do, understands diesel engines, and has her head way too deep in the fantasy world (especially Hogwarts). According to the stars, she is a jealous, vindictive shrew (i.e., she’s a Scorpio), and today she should watch out for spit-up and falling rocks.

• Check out Lissa’s Top Ten movies!

• Read Lissa’s entries
• Will Be Played In The Movie By: Miss Piggy or Rene Zellweger
• Forum Handle: LISSA
• E-Mail Lissa: lissa -at- mutantreviewers -dot- com

Drew broke a thousand hearts before he met you; he’ll break a thousand more, baby, before he is through. A former swimmer and coach and current servant of the Man, Drew grew up in New Jersey but was exiled to Pennsylvania in the wake of “the incident,” though he still sneaks over the border for the occasional Springsteen fix. Like all good Garden Staters, he loves The Sopranos and Kevin Smith movies, hates out-of-state drivers (himself now included), and can romp you in skeeball without even trying. In 2006 he married the most stubborn woman alive and in 2008 welcomed what will undoubtedly prove to be the most stubborn child in the world. He’s already prepping to defend his super-cute daughter from legions of teenage boys in the years to come, so if anyone has any spare firearms they’d care to send along, that’d be just swell.

• Check out Drew’s Top Ten movies!

• Read Drew’s entries
• Will Be Played In The Movie By: Ray Romano and Dave Foley spliced into Owen Wilson’s body.
• Forum Handle: THELUCKYONE
• E-Mail Drew: theluckyone20 -at- aol -dot- com

Al is a spirit from the folklore of the Tinguian tribe of the Philippines. He has wings, and his fingers and toes point backwards. No, really, it’s in Wikipedia, look it up. It also says he creates demon children in rather disturbing ways that won’t be detailed on a PG-13 website, but are pretty intense and you should probably check it out yourself. When not menacing island republics of the South Pacific, he sells car insurance in a continuing effort to put his English degree to good use, and gets to parade around in a mask and cape for the next year proclaiming himself Quarter-Century Man, as he is now legally able to rent a car in Connecticut without a note from his mom. While unwinding, he enjoys horror movies, war movies, westerns, stuff with ninjas, early 90’s pro wrestling, books on tape, and Jack Bauer.

• Check out Al’s Top Ten movies!

• Read Al’s entries
• Will Be Played In The Movie By: Andy Richter
• Forum Handle: AL
• E-Mail Drew: al -at- mutantreviewers -dot- com

Mike is 29, a fact he is most displeased with, as 30 is barrelling down the highway towards him like something out of Mad Max. He was born in the state of North Carolina, but escaped early in life. He was one of the lucky ones. He was raised in the capital of this great nation where he was weaned on music (punk rock, ska and hip hop), comic books, Magic: The Gathering, movies, and generous amounts of beer. He is a master of the 37 chambers of the naked mole-rat style of kung fu, and hopes to one day avenge his parents, killed by ninja monkeys. Having spent almost the entirety of his life in front of a television set, Mike has acheived a knowledge of pop culture not lightly given to mortal man. This may help to explain why he is still single at the age of 29. It was three years ago he relocated from D.C. to the ridiculously hot realm of Phoenix, AZ (but it’s a DRY heat!). He spends his days drawing comics, reading other comics and watching movies in the nice air conditioning.

• Check out Mike’s Top Ten movies!

• Read Mike’s entries
• Will Be Played In The Movie By: Johnny Depp after he lets himself go.
• Forum Handle: CHESHIREKAT
• E-Mail Mike: cheshirekat5865 -at- gmail -dot- com

Kaleb, a slender beauty of 27 years, is living proof of the power of loitering. Having been something of a fixture in the forums for many years, he got his big break in 2008, when poor communication in the MRFH HR department, combined with his incessant around-hanging, resulted in his being mistaken for an actual staffer, as opposed to a vagrant living in the parking garage. As a result of the need to look like he knows what he’s doing and should be where he is, his furious-scribbling and paper-shuffling skills have since been honed to a science. In addition to living a lie, Kaleb’s other favorite activities include making huge run-on sentences and using too many hyphenated words. He is also afflicted with a rare genetic disorder which prevents him from ever comprehending the rules of colon/semicolon use.

• Check out Kaleb’s Top Ten movies!

• Read Kaleb’s entries
• Will Be Played In The Movie By: Danny Devito merged with a juvenile Rockeater
• Forum Handle: HUCKLEBUBBA
• E-Mail Mike: hucklebubba -at- hotmail -dot- com

Eunice originated from the wild coastlands of Italy surrounded in a shroud of mystery. Brought up by a pack of feral cinephiles, she was raised on movies -good, bad, and ugly- since before she could remember and only spoke in film quotes until the age of six. While she swears she’s not on the lam, her sixteen moves would seem evidence to the contrary. After circumstances not fully detailed, she found herself press ganged into service by the High Triad of Mutants. When released from her cage, she leads a secretive and nomadic lifestyle as she engages in questionable behaviour and pursues her dreams of becoming a pirate, international spy, or prima ballerina.

• Check out Eunice’s Top Ten movies!

• Read Eunice’s news reports
• Will Be Played In The Movie By: A young Ruth Gordon
• Forum Handle: STAROPAL
• E-Mail Eunice: starropal -at- hotmail -dot- com

Heather first breathed life in the magical land of Kentucky. While she has no interest in horses, bourbon, or bluegrass she does carry a fondness for the outdoors and natural beauty. Originally only able to harass people in her small home town she eventually married a sailor. His transient lifestyle has enabled her to successfully terrorize citizens of Chicago, Japan and San Diego thus far. Heather generally prefers to rent movies, foregoing ticket prices (which are detrimental to her Scroogey tendencies) and avoiding annoying audience members. Non movie-watching hours consist of much DDR-playing, slaving away at menial part-time jobs while working on her degree, and taking care of two balls of evil with legs that most people call “cats”.

• Check out Heather’s Top Ten movies!

• Read Heather’s entries
• Will Be Played In The Movie By: Kate Winslet
• Forum Handle: BLACKCATWHITECAT
• E-Mail Heather: rori_16h -at- live -dot- com

At the 9th hour of the 9th day of the 9th month, Courtney was born. Skip ahead some 2 decades, and the quiet-but-stubborn child has grown into a loud-and-still-stubborn young adult. She is presently studying at McDaniel College and serving popcorn to whiney cinema-goers for minimum wage. An avid reader, Courtney’s one true love in life is Harry Potter. Like, seriously, the girl is obsessed–ask her about Wizard Rock. She also enjoys Greek mythology, the works of Chomsky, and the occasional Happy Dance. Courtney hopes to someday become a director/screen writer/comic artist/vampire slayer.

• Check out Courtney’s Top Ten movies!

• Read Courtney’s entries
• Will Be Played In The Movie By: Alyson Hannigan
• Forum Handle: DARTHSHADY
• E-Mail Heather: co001 -at- mcdaniel -dot- edu

THE MUTANT RETIREMENT HOME

These are the brave unsung heroes of Mutantdom. Each of them gave their efforts, sarcasm, and either their lives or sanity to the service of MRFH. Some spent years here at the site, and became like family (others mooched for a couple weeks, and became like common bathroom sink mold). We appreciate their hard work and dedication that they put into MRFH.

Kym was one of the two original co-founders of MRFH in 1996. Her passions extended from weird movies to music, Stephen King, and various computer games. In early 1998 Kym parted with MRFH, and Justin gave her a grand send-off by “killing her”. During her stay, Kym reviewed 15 films.

PoolMan was one of the founding pillars of MRFH, submitting an impressive array of reviews, ideas and articles for nearly a decade — despite the national handicap of Canada’s 2800-baud modem internet service. In 2007, PoolMan decided to go into semi-retirement at MRFH, becoming our first “Mutant Emeritus” with full rights and privileges to submit reviews and articles whenever he likes. PoolMan, Au Revoir!

Toni (also spelled “toni”) is something of an enigma to us. This Canadian’s reviews wowed us all — and are carefully preserved in the MRFH vaults for all of history — but she suddenly disappeared and was never heard from again. Alas, she would not be the last to do this. Toni reviewed 10 movies.

Andie, a theater actress and all-around sex kitten, was with MRFH from 1998 through 2002. You can read more about our send-off to her on the Farewell To Mutants In Arms page. Andie reviewed 102 flicks.

DnaError was MRFH’s resident mad scientist and artist. You can read more about our send-off to him on the Farewell To Mutants In Arms page. DnaError reviewed 71 films.

Bobby, a California platinum blonde, was only with us for a short period in 2003. Vanished, never heard from again (we’re very scary!). Bobby reviewed 5 movies.

Alex, an American living in Denmark, graced us with her presence from 2003-2004. And yes, she vanished. And was never heard from again. Sigh. Alex reviewed 8 flicks.

Clare, our fiery-tempered yet sweetly natured Texan was with us for over five years, from 2000-2005. A major voice on the site, particularly through her many articles, Clare brought to the table Sarcastic Woman in full force. Learn more about her in A Farewell To Clare. During her tenure, Clare reviewed 83 films.

Rich, a limey Brit with a distinct love for all things geek, completed his tour of duty that started in 2003 and went to 2005. Rich’s dry sense of humor and irrepressible nose for digging out great cult films was a boon to the site. Farewell Rich! Rich covered 54 movies.

Nancy, our snarky Northeastern teen, shone the bright light of Batman fandom on MRFH from 2005-2007. As she entered college, so went with her our hopes, dreams and $20 she stole from the office kitty. Farewell Nancy.

Shalen had a love of spiders, bad martial arts flicks and footnotes, and from 2005-08, she rocked our cult world. Farewell Shalen.