13
Lissa does The Clone Wars
Posted by Lissa
“The wise and powerful Jabba has one more small condition: he demands you bring back the slime who kidnapped his little…punky muffin.”
The Scoop: 2008, PG, directed by Dave Filoni, starring: Matt Lanter, James Arnold Taylor, Ashley Eckstein
Tagline: No tagline
Summary Capsule: Anakin, Obi-Wan and friends fight battle droids a lot. Also, Dooku.
Lissa’s Rating: At least I don’t call my kids punky muffin.
Lissa’s Review: I’m a child of the seventies and eighties, and like pretty much everyone else from that era, I love Star Wars. Sure, it’s not pure brilliance in terms of acting, story, cinematics (these days), or anything else, but it’s Star Wars. And like all of us, I had my heart broken by the prequels. But note I went to all three anyway.
However, as much as I like Star Wars, I’m not all that into it. I’ve only ever read one of the novelizations, and I’ve never read any of the tie-in novels, although I’ve heard that some of them are quite good. I don’t write fanfiction for it. (And given that I do actually write the stuff for a couple of other franchises, that’s actually a good indication of my interest level.) Basically, I pretty much stopped at the six movies. But the other day I had an opportunity to see The Clone Wars for free and entertain my offspring at the same time (yay, Regal Family Film Festival!), so we went. And I learned a few things:
1.) Exposition can be really annoying.
Since the movie is geared at kids, I get why they didn’t do the traditional introductory scroll. When your target audience either can’t read or is still sounding out words like “pickles”, tossing words like “separatists” or “Federation” or made-up alien names at them just isn’t the most effective means of conveying information. But at the same time, having Obi-Wan or Anikan reiterate the plot in a “as you know, we are pinned down by the enemy and are now sending for more reinforcements” sort of voice can get a tad… tedious.
2.) It’s really obvious how much of the prequel movies was CGI.
People done in computer-generated animation still have that weird, stick-like look to them, no matter what movie you watch. However, robots and backgrounds look fantastic. While Anikan, Obi-Wan, and any other humans looked a little… funny… the battle droids and the settings looked almost exactly like they did in the prequel movies. Yeah, we all knew George Lucas was more concerned with flash over story, but this REALLY showed it up.
3.) But the Jedi have REALLY cool powers.
This was one area where CGI actually did benefit. Seventies/early eighties effects being what they were, we all could appreciate that light sabers were cool and Jedi were supposed to be powerful, but watching in animation… this was the first time I really saw how having a Jedi around was more of a threat than having a samurai around. Before, they were just guys with cool sticks that could throw things around with their minds. This time, I really got it.
4.) There are ways to make Anakin Skywalker less annoying.
Yes! It’s true! The first? Don’t give him any romantic dialogue. I actually liked the Anakin/Padme romantic hints in this one. But second, give him a sidekick more annoying than he is, and I promise he will start being less annoying simply by comparison. Ahsoka was easily one of the most annoying sidekicks in cinematic history, and wow, I wanted to smack her pretty much every time she opened her mouth.
5.) The majority of the kids of today aren’t as bad as everyone makes them out to be.
But the thing is, she was just annoying. She wasn’t actually bad – just a total know-it-all Mary Sue of a character. But actually, the real reason I had this point was because we were in a packed movie theater with 2/3 of the seats occupied by people under 10. And the behavior was amazing, and I mean that in a good way. Sure, it wasn’t silent, and sure, some of them got restless. But no popcorn throwing, no gum spitting or spitball fights, and the kids were relatively quiet. I was impressed.
6.) Hutts have sex.
It’s a repulsive image, yes, but apparently, it’s true.
The first way we find this out is that Jabba the Hutt has procreated. Someone has kidnapped his infant son “Punky muffin”, and it’s up to the Jedi to get him back. Of course, the fact that we never see a Mrs. The Hutt could imply that Hutts reproduce asexually, and Punky just split off from Jabba one day. However, then you have Ziro.
Okay, who the heck came up with Ziro the Hutt, and what decade do they think it is???? We’re supposed to be making strides forward in the way we view the homosexual community, not strides back. It’s not that I object to a gay villain, per se, but for crying out loud, could he have BEEN any more of a stereotype? Lots of pink, feathers, a lisp… head, meet desk. I’m normally willing to cut a lot of slack, but on this one… no. There is no WAY they couldn’t have known what they were doing.
7.) Not only did The Clone Wars fail at LBGT issues, it failed at gender issues.
Ah, gender issues in scifi. The thing is, I usually wouldn’t accuse Star Wars of having them. For the time period, Princess Leia was pretty forward in terms of butt kickers. Yes, she needed saving, but so did Luke and Han at different points, and as soon as they rescued her she grabbed a gun and took charge. She was competent, sassy, and held her own against Han, making him actually improve to HER level before she’d give him the time of day. So, yeah, I didn’t really have much in the way of gender issues with the original trilogy.
But now, I’d like to see scifi writers and filmmakers thinking more about gender issues. And in the prequels, we still have a strong, male dominated cast. There’s Padme, but aside from that… there aren’t many female characters.
The Clone Wars ups the ante a bit with two. Oooh. But notice how they’re both apprentices. Notice how they both wear revealing clothing while the male Jedi wear armor. (At least Leia dressed practically, and the slave girl bikini doesn’t count as that was supposed to be misogynistic.) I’ll give them the credit of making Ahsoka fairly competent for a young kid, but who also turns to goo in the face of a baby slimeball? I’m just saying- come on guys. It’s the 21st century. A prominent non-apprentice female Jedi with a decent-sized role wouldn’t kill you.
8.) I really split hairs on point 7.
For all that I’ll complain about the female characters being apprentices, and Ahsoka being freaking ANNOYING, I actually found myself liking the mentor relationship between her and Anikan. It was odd, because I couldn’t stand her and I normally can’t stand him and their dialogue was often lame and if I talked to my tae kwon do master like that I would have been kicked out of class, but I still liked the affection they developed.
Go figure.
9.) The Clones are kind of neat. It’s nice to see the Stormtroopers-to-be without helmets.
Hey, it’s the little things in life. Actually, it’s a line in Clerks, about wondering if your average Stormtrooper knows how to install a toilet main. It sort of makes you think a little about what life as a grunt in this society must be like, and it was kind of nice to see a few hints of that.
10.) It’s definitely a kids’ movie, and it’s already leaving my brain.
Granted, Star Wars movies aren’t always the deepest and most ponderable of movies, but they are memorable. At least the first three are, anyway. The Clone Wars had its ups and downs, but 48 hours later, I’m already forgetting a lot of it. While it might partly be because I took the kids and spent half the movie making sure Ducklet didn’t get swallowed by his seat and the other half keeping T2 from bothering the nearest neighbors, I don’t think that’s the whole explanation. It wasn’t terrible, it was fun for a few hours, but it wasn’t something I feel the need to buy myself, either.
Unless I can use Ahsoka for target practice. Then I’m all for it.
Want a second opinion? Check out Al’s review here!
Jedi Padawan or annoying Thundercat? You decide.
Didja Notice?
- No opening scroll and no John Williams music? Weak.
- Are they fighting a blue, Scottish walrus in the opening battle?
- R2-D2 has a girlfriend?
- Punky Muffin? Ugh.
- A clone trooper Wilhelm Screams at the monastery?
- R2’s jet rockets are way more powerful than I would have thought.
- Anakin and Ahsoka are flying a B-Wing when they escape from Teth?
- Asajj can lock her lightsabers together and form a staff?
- No one says “I have a bad feeling about this.” This was easy fanservice, guys. Bad form.
- I’m not sure if James A. Taylor did a great Ewan McGregor impression or a great Alec Guinness impression, but I applaud it nonetheless.
Is It Worth Staying Through End Credits?
Nope.
Intermission!
Anakin is shown here already sporting the facial scar we see in Episode III. Official continuity states he received the scar from Asajj Ventress approximately thirty months after the Battle of Geonosis (Episode II). According to the opening voiceover, however, the movie is supposed to take place ‘soon after’ the Battle of Geonosis. [Doug] Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder! [/Doug]
Groovy Quotes
Captain Rex: Who’s the youngling?
Ahsoka: I’m Master Skywalker’s padawan. The name’s Ahsoka Tano.
Captain Rex: Sir, I thought you said you’d never have a padawan.
Anakin: There’s been a mix-up. The youngling isn’t with me.
Ahsoka: Stop calling me that! You’re stuck with me, Sky Guy.
Ahsoka: So what’s the plan?
Anakin: I thought you were the one with the plan.
Ahsoka: Nope. I’m the one with enthusiasm. You’re the one with experience which I’m looking forward to learning from.
Anakin: You’re reckless, little one. You never would have made it as Obi Wan’s padawan. But you might just make it as mine.
Jabba’s Protocol Droid: The wise and powerful Jabba has one more small condition: he demands you bring back the slime who kidnapped his little… punky muffin.
Battle Droid #1: Concentrate fire on sector 113274265!
Battle Droid #2: Sector 1132—what was that again?
Battle Droid #1: Just fire right there!
Asajj Ventress: Master Kenobi, always chasing after Skywalker. How predictable.
Obi Wan: Anakin leaves quite a mess — which always leads me to you, Ventress.
Ahsoka: Master Kenboi’s here. Now we’ll see some real fireworks!
Anakin: And what do you call what I’ve been doing all day?
Ahsoka: I dunno. The word ‘reckless’ comes to mind.
Ahsoka: You’ve got that ‘We’re in trouble’ look.
Anakin: There’s a look?
If you liked this movie, try these:
In The Phantom Menace, at the beginning of the pod race (It’s woooorking!), Jabba walks out to greet the croud with his girlfriend/wife Hutt, who has boobies. This may have been a dream though…I was pretty tired from groaning.
THAT WAS HIS RIVAL!
Coup’la things.
-Ahsoka’s saving grace is that as horrible as she is, she still comes in a distant second to Jar Jar Binks.
-If I recall correctly, the Hutts shift genders periodically as part of their life cycle, so maybe they do reproduce like snails or whatever.
-Also, it’s Anakin, Lissa, not Anikan. Although it makes me think of a song:
Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it with dew…
Cover it with choc’late and a miracle or two…
The Anikan, oh the Anikan can
The Anikan can ’cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good!
Until he went over to the dark side and blew up the sun with the Death Star, but that’s probably a different song.
Add A Comment