Kyle does Twilight

“I hate you for making me want you so much.”

The Scoop: PG-13 2008, directed by Catherine Hardwicke and starring Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, and Billy Burke

Tagline: When you can live forever what do you live for?

Summary Capsule: The new girl’s first day at her high school introduces her to all the usual teenage angst, including the boy/man destined to be her immortal vampire boyfriend

Kyle’s Rating: I could fall asleep at night as a rock’n’roll star

Kyle’s Review: Setting the merits or lack thereof in the Twilight book series and blockbuster film adaptation, one really must blame the Harry Potter phenomenon for breaking down the walls between ‘adult entertainment’ and ‘stuff for kids’ and making it perfectly acceptable and commercially encouraged for ‘old people’ to read books about teenage wizards, vampires, and so on. Growing up a voracious reader of comic books, I personally found it difficult in the years before the whole Harry Potter thing to convince people that comics were worth reading as literature. Nowadays, anything goes. Whether that indicates a wider appreciation of the arts or further evidence of increasing levels of idiocy amongst the populace depends upon your own personal perspective on our progress as a society.

I find if one isn’t obviously included in the primary intended audience for something like Twilight, subsequently the possibility for enjoyment depends upon a quirk of taste and one’s current in life. If you’re a teenage girl, Twilight was designed to strike your fancy with razor-sharp precision. If you’re anyone else, you’ll need a little/lotta open-mindedness, a penchant for teenage vampire romance, or some mysterious other variable that renders you ready and willing to say “Hey, this isn’t so bad.”

I am in no way ready and willing to say that Twilight isn’t so bad. Circumstances when Twilight hit the DVD scene were perfectly attuned for enjoying it ‘Mystery Science Theater 3000’-style: I was early in my third and most promising serious relationship of 2009, we and a group of like-minded cynical and witty friends had made plans to drink and mock Twilight, and it had at least the power of Kristen Stewart to render it ‘worth seeing once.’ My girlfriend and I watched it ahead of time, just to see what all the fuss was about, then we watched it again during our little viewing party.

While I found Twilight to be perfectly adequate and not as offensive as I expected, I will admit that I recall very little of the film itself. There was a lot of teenage-y angsty conversation, plenty of ‘man kids are stupid nowadays’ moments of mockery to fuel our MST3K party, and jaw-droppingly bad special effects that made already-dicey vampire elements rival the lame-ness of the mechanical shark effects in the Jaws sequels. But overall, I was left much more entertained than I expected. I think the film, and admitted-ridiculous ‘heartthrob’ Robert Pattinson, finally won me over when Edward and Bella pull into the school parking lot for their first appearance as a couple. The whole ‘the entire school is looking at US!’ scene, done literally a MILLION times before, worked perfectly, and Pattinson’s goofy yet sincere attempt to calm down a mortified Bella by trying to find the one person NOT looking at them drew an amused smile out of me. From then on, I was no longer rooting against the film for its perceived pop culture sins, and saw it for the meaningless and cheesy fun it had to offer.

I guess I feel about the Twilight film like I do about the Harry Potter film series. I have tried and failed to sit through the first two HP films; they seem really overdone and too focused on the OMG! elements of magic as a child would view them (at least as Hollywood, and specifically Chris Columbus, views children. Modern children would more likely view magic, post-video gaming, a lot differently than old-fashioned thinking would suggest. But I digress.) to be worth my time. But then, based on some enthusiastic reviews, I checked out the third HP film and haven’t looked back. Though no film since has rivaled Prisoner of Azkaban in quality or assured storytelling, they have been satisfying enough to leave me looking forward to the next installment.

What saved the Harry Potter series, it seems, was bringing in different and increasingly talented directors. Not to knock anyone in particular, but the universe and acting dynamics of the Twilight film series seem ripe for a great or even good director to come in and tell a legitimately interesting story. I don’t know that that will happen, and having learned a bit more about how the story progresses in the Twilight books has me slightly skeptical on that front. Regardless, I remain convinced that deft direction and a little bit of luck could converge and help create a Twilight sequel where Pattinson’s dorky charm and Kristen Stewart’s unsurpassed ability to sketch twitchy, vaguely emo female heroines meld perfectly with the setting and secondary cast to catch some so-called “movie magic.” I don’t know for certain it’ll happen. But I’ve seen enough promise to have hope.

I’ll never read the books, though. Lame!

Want a second opinion?  Check out Sue and Justin’s review here!

Vampires: awesome at staring contests TOO!

GROOVY QUOTES!

Isabella Swan: How old are you?
Edward Cullen: Seventeen.
Isabella Swan: How long have you been seventeen?
Edward Cullen: A while.

Isabella Swan: Are you going to tell me how you stopped the van?
Edward Cullen: Yeah. Um… I had an adrenaline rush. It’s very common. You can Google it.

Jessica Stanley: Hey you’re from Arizona right?
Isabella Swan: Yeah.
Jessica Stanley: Aren’t people from Arizona supposed to be like, real tan?
Isabella Swan: Yeah, maybe, that’s why they kicked me out.

Edward Cullen: And so the lion fell in love with the lamb.
Isabella Swan: What a stupid lamb.
Edward Cullen: What a sick, masochistic lion.

Edward Cullen: I only said it would be better if we weren’t friends, not that I didn’t want to be.
Isabella Swan: What does that mean?
Edward Cullen: It means if you’re smart… you’ll stay away from me.
Isabella Swan: Okay, let’s say for argument’s sake that I’m not smart.

IF YOU LIKED THIS MOVIE, TRY THESE:

• The Lost Boys
• Adventureland
• Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire