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Kyle does The X-Files: I Want To Believe
Posted by Justin
“This isn’t my life anymore, Mulder. I’m done chasing monsters in the dark.”
The Scoop: 2008 PG-13, directed by Chris Carter and starring David Duchonvy, Gillian Anderson and Amanda Peet
Tagline: To find the truth, you must believe.
Summary Capsule: Some FBI agents, stymied on a case with some X-Files undertones, rescues our heroes Mulder and Scully from outsider status in exchange for some consulting. Boredom ensues for the audience.
Kyle’s Rating: Somebody didn’t want to make a good movie, though
Kyle’s Review: I’ve tried writing this review a few times, attempting to be at least backhandedly positive here and there. But I give up. The X-Files: I Want to Believe is junk. It wastes the charm of its negatively charismatic leads, it adds nothing to the legacy of one of the most important sci-fi television shows of all-time, and worst of all — it’s a really boring film. If this is the best they could come up with after years of brainstorming, the end result lends credence to the conspiracy theory that they failed on purpose so no one would want another X-Files film.
The uninspired plot revolves around some current FBI agents seeking out the legendary Mulder and Scully for assistance on a vaguely X-Files-esque case involving missing girls and a disgraced priest with some psychic insight on what’s going on. So they decide to help out, even while there is a lot of angst about it between them and some really stupid subplot for Scully involving a terminal young patient. There’s no aliens, no werewolves, no weird inbred freaks. Instead, you get one tiny throw-away detail worthy of the X-Files theme song (compare the sex of the abducted to the relationship between the villains) lost amid a fairly stupid crime thriller that Mulder and Scully’s unpaid intern could solve.
I suppose all that really matters here anyway is Mulder and Scully: where they ended up, what they’re doing, and if they ended up together. If you care, go ahead and see the movie; what entertainment value there is derives almost solely from seeing Duchovny and Anderson together again and how they fit back into the roles that made them pop culture icons. The two of them largely succeed, wisely refraining from any kind of wild caricature for the big screen (having learned that lesson from their first cinematic endeavor), and instead maintain the droll ‘us against them’ connection that defined Mulder and Scully from the start. Duchonvy gets a little big more acclaim here for his bold decision to allow his beard to briefly do a lot of his early acting for him, though. Nice!
It hurts to not focus on any kind of real positive about the movie, but it is a letdown from start to finish. The variance in tone is so perplexing that one wonders how much editing and on-the-fly changes popped up during shooting, because it feels like everyone wore (metaphorical) unwieldy mittens while putting this movie together. It’s jagged, unsmooth, and disconnected from itself all throughout. Why, Chris Carter? Why?
Ultimately, I think the film accomplished its goal: to make us not want another X-Files film. But I have to think they wanted it to be because we didn’t think they could top this one. Instead, we find ourselves avoiding even thinking about it, and dreading any suggestion that we’ll get another. I’d read an original novel based on the character, eventually and only as a paperback on a long transatlantic plane ride, but otherwise it’s probably safe to say: The X-Files are dead.
Long live Californication!
At their 10 year high school reunion... and dreading their 20-year
- The dig at the then-current President of the United States was, admittedly, a little bit funny. It is also the only time during the film (other than the credits) that the X-Files theme is heard
- When Mulder and Scully first walk back into the FBI offices right before they walk into the bullpen, a female agent walks by that catches Mulder’s attention and he watches her walk away. The woman is Vanessa Morley, who throughout the series played the young Samantha Mulder, and is the same Samantha in the photo Mulder has taped to the back of his home office door.
Groovy Quotes
- Fox Mulder: Are you asking me to give up?
Dana Scully: No. No, I can’t ask you to do that… But I can tell you I won’t be coming home tonight
Fox Mulder: Scully? Why would he say that? “Don’t give up.” Why would he say such a thing to you?
Dana Scully: I think that was clearly meant for you, Mulder.
Fox Mulder: He didn’t say it to me. He said it to you. If Father Joe were the devil, why would he say the opposite of what the devil might say? Maybe that’s the answer, the larger answer. Don’t give up.
Fox Mulder: This is not an exact science. If it were me, I’d be on the guy 24/7. I’d be in bed with him kissing his holy ass.
ASAC Dakota Whitney: Father Joe is a convicted pedophile.
Fox Mulder: [surprised] … Maybe I’d stay out of bed with him.
Agent Mosley Drummy: I don’t believe this.
Fox Mulder: You know, that’s been your problem from the very beginning.
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Great review. I’ve heard a lot of reviews about this film which wildly vary from “Its quite good” to “Its the devil in celluloid form!”. I’ve STILL not seen it, despite actually wanting to. A friend of mine is a bit of a Die Hard X-Phile (he likes wearing dirty wife beaters…) and he liked this movie. Your review really convinces me that he’s wrong
“It wastes the charm of its negatively charismatic leads,”
That doesn’t make a lot of sense – how are they “negatively charismatic”?
And, for what it’s worth, DTH – I really enjoyed the film myself. For this X-Phile it really harkens back to the early dark days of the series, taking a meaningful and sobering look at the evil that men do. Give it a chance, you might just like it…
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