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Justin does Watchmen
Posted by Justin
“None of you understand! I’m not locked in here with you! You’re locked in here with me!”
The Scoop: 2008 R, directed by Zach Snyder and starring Billy Crudup, Malin Ackerman and Carla Gugino.
Tagline: They watch over us… but who watches them?
Summary Capsule: Alan Moore’s ‘unfilmable’ magnum opus gets filmed.
Justin’s Rating: Up, down and all around the place! …that’s not a very good superhero slogan.
Justin’s Review: There really are two completely separate audiences for this film, represented by my wife and I:
AUDIENCE #1 (played by me): Has read the Watchmen comic… er, GRAPHIC NOVEL several times, appreciates its intricacy, was somewhat worried about the adaptation of an “unfilmable novel”.
AUDIENCE #2 (played by my wife): Was asked to see this “superhero movie” and went in expecting the same sort of intensity and fun of other PG-13 superhero flicks. Ended up cowering behind her fingers at the graphic brutality, the depressing tone, and the 180-degree shift from traditional superherodom. Also ends up saying, “What the HELL was that all about…?”
Now, there’s probably an even smaller subset of Audience #1 that I also belong to, the “I’ve read Watchmen enough times to understand it, but I’m not really sure if I LIKE it” group. We tend to be a quiet sort, because Watchmen fans are some of the most rabidly illogical followers you’ll tend to find in geekdom. Their shrines to Alan Moore pulse in anger at any slight change from the comic to the movie, and they are always, always on the prowl for ignorant savages to preach to – possibly with fists – about the perfection that is this book. I’m just not those guys. It’s like English classes, where they made us read a ton of “classic” novels from way back when. Some you like, some you don’t, and many you’re apathetic about. You understand why you have to read them and understand their place in literature, but there can be a league of difference between understanding and head-over-heels love.
I say all this because when I start pecking away at what’s being accurately called “The Big Blue Penis Movie”, I want you to appreciate where I’m coming from. Audience #1A, represent!
As a film, Watchmen is many things. It’s remarkably faithful – with certain notable exceptions – to the graphic novel, probably far more so than any fan had any right to demand. Director Zack Snyder set himself up for a lose-lose situation (or did he?) by trying to balance the expectations of the fans with the blank slate presented by the larger portion of the audience. Cuts had to be made. Changes had to be made. Some of the visuals could remain, some were updated for 2009 sensibilities. But by and large, the story remained intact, a murder mystery/conspiracy that serves as a vehicle for examining why people might dress up to be “costumed avengers” – and whether or not these “heroes” might also be quite psychologically disturbed.
Before the awesome opening credits slam down on us, a superhero is brutally murdered in his apartment by a stranger – a small drop of incident in an alternate 1985 USA where Nixon is still president and nuclear war is about to become a reality. A bit like how Twin Peaks’ Laura Palmer was the catalyst for unraveling the dark, quirky secrets of that small Washington town, this murder is all it takes for the seedy underbelly of masked adventurers to be exposed.
Watchmen wasn’t so much about superheroes who have great power – in fact, only one character in the film, Dr. Manhatten, has any power beyond technology and fists. While an accident turned him into a being with god-like powers who’s almost completely disconnected with humanity, the rest of an old hero squad (superheroes having been outlawed in the 70’s in this world) are just guys and girls who are pretty messed up in their own way, but ultimately trying to do the right thing.
There’s the uncompromising Rorschach, who is easily the highlight of the film with his constantly-shifting inkblot mask and absolute anger toward immorality; Silk Spectre II, a pretty thing in vinyl who’s trying to live up to the family legacy; Ozymandias, who’s traded in his superhero legacy for a commercial empire; The Comedian, a brute who is both completely despicable and also sympathetic; and Nite Owl II, a chubby has-been who misses the good ol’ days of crime fighting. Some have retired from this second life, some have not, but all get drawn into events that quickly spiral out of control.
Snyder deserves praise for creating a visually stunning film and for not compromising, at least for certain parts (although, inexplicably, they caved when it came to a female smoking – guh???). If nothing else, this is not a film that was run through the Hollywood template, cleaned up for family-friendly PG-13 funtimes. It might’ve gotten into a couple scrapes with the template, but I think its soul survived just fine. As I said before, they really were damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don’t with much of the movie, and the fact that it kept me thinking about it a few days afterward – even though, as with the novel, I’m not sure whether or not I liked the film – means that they did something right.
There is plenty to complain about, from both audiences’ perspective. For Audience 1, the changing of the ending, while perhaps easier to plug into movie format, created a sterile, blah finale to what was in the book a stunning denouement. For Audience 2, the most egregious failing is that it’s simply far more gratuitous than it – or the novel, but they wouldn’t know it – had to be. The violence is ratcheted up to a point where action scenes are absolutely wince-inducing, and oh my the bad sex scenes. Zack Snyder did the same sort of drawn-out, gratuitous nudity sex scene in 300 that he does here, where he’s about three heartbeats and a bad music score away from pure porn.
For both audiences, the final sin might well be that this is too long of a movie that fails to really make an emotional connection with those watching it. You don’t really sense the fear of nuclear holocaust, many of the characters fail to become real, and the direction keeps veering wildly between gory action, somber pontification, and depressing atmosphere so that you simply don’t end up with anything. It’s a monolith of a film that falls through the cracks in your fingers as you try to handle it – something impressive, no doubt, but failing to be any one thing as it tries to be everything.
So, passing grade on Watchmen, and at least we can put it all behind us. Oh, and give Rorschach his own spin-off, please!
So... you're the Joker now?
Didja Notice?
- Ozymandias’ German accent when he’s not in public?
- How much Nite Owl and Silk Spectre look like Clark Kent and Lois Lane?
- Tears for Fears “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” playing in Veidt’s lobby?
- Doc Manhatten’s package? Yeah, if I was packin’ that much heat, I’d walk around naked all the time too.
Intermission!
- Nathan Fillion was considered for the roles of The Comedian and Nite Owl.Darren Aronofsky and Paul Greengrass were both previously scheduled to direct.
The first official image from director Zack Snyder – a test shot of Rorshach holding The Comedian’s button – was actually hidden in a trailer for Snyder’s previous film, 300. It features the film’s associate producer, Wesley Coller, wearing a makeshift mask in front of a composite New York backdrop, and was created as an experiment by Snyder to establish the mood and look of his proposed Watchmen project. Snyder’s wife, Deborah Snyder, bet him $100 that no one would discover it, while he was convinced that someone would find it almost immediately. He won.
Groovy Quotes
- Nite Owl: At least I’m not the one still hiding behind a mask.
Rorschach: No, you’re hiding in plain sight.The Comedian: Here I am spilling my guts to my arch enemy. Truth is, Moloch, you’re the closest thing I have to a friend. What does that say?
Silk Spectre: Breaking into a national security prison is not the same thing as fighting a tenement fire.
Nite Owl: You’re right. It’s more fun.
Lee Iacocca: And we all know ‘free’ is just another word for communist.
Rorschach: Funny story. Sounds unbelievable. Probably true.
Rorschach: You keep calling me Walter. I don’t Like you.
Dr. Malcolm Long: Oh… why not?
Rorschach: You’re Fat.
Rorschach: None of you understand! I’m not locked in here with you! You’re locked in here with me!
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