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Justin does The X-Files: I Want To Believe
Posted by Justin
“This isn’t my life anymore, Mulder. I’m done chasing monsters in the dark.”
The Scoop: 2008 PG-13, directed by Chris Carter and starring David Duchonvy, Gillian Anderson and Amanda Peet
Tagline: To find the truth, you must believe.
Summary Capsule: Some FBI agents, stymied on a case with some X-Files undertones, rescues our heroes Mulder and Scully from outsider status in exchange for some consulting. Boredom ensues for the audience.
Justin’s Rating: This movie’s a conspiracy! It doesn’t exist!
Justin’s Review: While we often track our age in years, it’s an interesting exercise to segment your life into fandoms – portions of pop culture that you clung to in an era and let define you, to some extent. If we were to map out my life, under childhood I’d put “Star Wars”, under teenager I’d write “Star Trek”, and in college I’d type out “X-Files”. Yes, I really trod the beaten path, didn’t I? I remember very keenly the day I traded in my poster of a cross-section of the Enterprise-D for a large blowup of Mulder and Scully chasing something down with FBI-approved flashlights, because that was the day I became a rabid X-Phile for the next five or so years.
The X-Files grew to be such a huge cult hit partially because the creators banked on the hunch that there’s a conspiracy theorist inside all of us. Which is true, I guess. We’re often told the world is mundane and drab, we have Occam’s Razor and Sherlock Holmes frowning at our flights of fancy, but in most of us there’s a niggling something hissing that there’s more out there than meets the eye. That the boring is a coverup for the extraordinary. In any case, the show was a brilliant blend of scifi, horror, crime procedural, humor and action. At its core were the characters of Mulder and Scully, representing faith and science, respectively (except with the odd twist that Scully was religious and Mulder was not). The shows were a tug-o-war between these two sides, giving us both mundane explanations and extraordinary possibilities.
In 1998, the show was at its peak, with the fifth season going strong, and a full-length motion picture (X-Files: Fight the Future) hit the theaters. Incidentally, that movie was one of the very first to be reviewed on a neophyte website called Mutant Reviewers From Hell. Following that point, however, it started to go downhill, gradually at first and then far more rapidly. The show began to collapse under the weight of an impossibly complex mythos that was never fully explained (a cautionary tale for later mystery-scifi shows like Lost) and the semi-desertion of its key stars (David Duchovny scaled back his appearances in seasons 8 and 9). By the time it left the airwaves in 2002, many fans had already moved on.
Ergo, it was really interesting when a trailer for a brand-new X-Files movie was shown, because this is the sort of franchise that you’d assume is done once it was done. It didn’t seem to have the legs that other cult phenomenon have shown past their cancellations, and to make an X-Files reference in the latter half of the 2000’s was not just passé, but archaic. But obviously some planetary alignment happened or something, because creator Chris Carter and stars Duchovny and Gillian Anderson signed back on for another go at a feature film, one decade after Fight the Future. It was absolutely trampled over by more high-profile summer 2008 flicks, hindered also by the fact that it’s not anything above a C-student in terms of filmmaking.
Both X-Files movies struggled with this: the show had huge story arcs and complex character relationships, yet the studios wanted to make films that would appeal to a wider audience. Hence, you get half-and-half, just enough references to appease the fans (and confuse newcomers), but by necessity the story has to be stand-alone by nature. I Want To Believe isn’t epic or particularly engrossing, but basically filling the role of a two-part episode in the middle of a hypothetical sixteenth season.
Both Mulder and Scully have moved on — well, at least Scully has. She’s a doctor in a creepy Catholic hospital, and he just bides his time in a room full of newspaper clippings, the kind you might see when TV reports take us into the den of homegrown terrorists. A flimsy FBI case involving a missing agent, a pedophile ex-priest claiming to have psychic powers, and some severed body parts call for the expertise of these two experts, but this time, they’re just going through the motions. Neither one really wants to get involved, but they sort of do; there’s also a half-hearted relationship tying them together, but it’s so lackluster that you just pity them when they kiss instead of cheer (if you weren’t an X-Files viewer, the “will they or won’t they?” part of the show kept many a fan sitting on the edge of their couch).
I won’t spoil the story other than to say that there isn’t much story to spoil. Other than the psychic, there’s absolutely no paranormal element, the twist is more like a limp towel-wringing, and the climax of the plot gets to a point where there’s an abrupt cut and the film goes into its denoument. Everyone looks tired here: Mulder wings out a few lame attempts at humor, Scully sticks by her “I don’t believe!” schtick even though who’s she kidding at this point, and GUEST STAR Skinner is wheeled out to look somewhat peeved at just being there. The whole effort should have any fan, ex or current, throwing their hands up and asking, “Then why bother?”
Wow, this got depressing, fast. Doesn’t help I’m running a fever and on drugs, although I would think Nyquil would help juice this movie up a bit, perhaps with a cameo appearance by the Smurfs or something. Hm.
Want a second opinion? Check out Kyle’s review here!
"We used to be pretty and popular... that's a conspiracy, right?"
Groovy Quotes
Fox Mulder: Are you asking me to give up?
Dana Scully: No. No, I can’t ask you to do that… But I can tell you I won’t be coming home tonight
Fox Mulder: Scully? Why would he say that? “Don’t give up.” Why would he say such a thing to you?
Dana Scully: I think that was clearly meant for you, Mulder.
Fox Mulder: He didn’t say it to me. He said it to you. If Father Joe were the devil, why would he say the opposite of what the devil might say? Maybe that’s the answer, the larger answer. Don’t give up.
Fox Mulder: This is not an exact science. If it were me, I’d be on the guy 24/7. I’d be in bed with him kissing his holy ass.
ASAC Dakota Whitney: Father Joe is a convicted pedophile.
Fox Mulder: [surprised] … Maybe I’d stay out of bed with him.
Agent Mosley Drummy: I don’t believe this.
Fox Mulder: You know, that’s been your problem from the very beginning.
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