Mutant Reviewers From Hell » Family

Drew does The Incredibles

Drew — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 11:21:48 +0000

“No school like the old school.”

The Scoop: 2004 PG, directed by Brad Bird and starring Craig T. Nelson, Holly Hunter and Jason Lee

Tagline: Save The Day

Summary Capsule: More than a decade after superheroes went into hiding to avoid litigation and public condemnation, one super-powered family is forced to save the world, and in doing so teach us all what it means to be a superhero.

Drew’s Rating: In fairness, Kid Miracleman did the “sidekick gone bad” schtick years ago. Of course, he destroyed London; Syndrome will just give you a chocolate-covered pretzel and a lecture about karma.

Drew’s Review: In a recent article, Lissa made the quite accurate observation that as a group, the Mutant Reviewers have… well, gotten older. Oh, I like to think we still skew toward a younger audience, and thank God for that, because who else is going to influence the Plan 9 From Outer Space-watching cult fans of the future? Harry Knowles? Don’t make me laugh. And we keep a few youngsters on staff at all times for Kyle to leer at. But it’s an inescapable fact that the site begun by two college students now has a median staff age in the late 20s if not early 30s. New father Justin barely has time to crank out three reviews a week anymore. Lissa ceased watching horror films, her favorite genre, and now reviews solely Pixar movies and anything that can be DVRed. And no one’s seen PoolMan since his retirement, though the MRFH kitchen is always well stocked with soylent green.

So it got me thinking about the changes in my own life since coming on board. When I became a staff member I’d been dating a girl from work for less than a year, with college just barely in the rearview mirror. These days I still say “dude” a lot and wear my hat backwards, but my girlfriend is now my wife of three years, we have a 9-month-old daughter, and even though I’m still young (28, thank you very much) and most of my friends remain single and jobless, there’s no denying that my circumstances have changed.

Which brings us in a roundabout way to The Incredibles. In 2004, I saw the movie because I like the Fantastic Four and because Pixar can always be counted on for an entertaining movie. And I was entertained, but I walked out of the theater without feeling a particular connection to any of the characters. They were perfectly likable, they just didn’t especially embody anything I was going through. But a funny thing happened when I watched the film again recently: I found myself identifying with Mr. Incredible. Sure, our situations aren’t identical: I only have one child and she’s Jack-Jack’s age, rather than Bob’s brood of three. Despite averaging 10 pounds heavier than in my college swimming prime, I don’t think anyone would call me fat. And there’s the minor “no superpowers” angle, if you insist on bringing it up. But if I’m not exactly in Mr. Incredible’s shoes yet, I can at least view them in the not-too-distant horizon.

And what are Mr. Incredible’s circumstances? Simply put, a world that seems to have passed him by. The man who once jokingly griped that he wishes the planet could just stay saved for a while is now faced with forced retirement… and even worse, a world that hasn’t ended without him. As much as he might complain about how hard he works in practices and games, no player wants to be put out to pasture before he’s darn well ready, and Bob isn’t. He loves his family, but wife Helen seems far too accepting of their new status quo, daughter Violet echoes the classic teenage girl refrain of just wanting to fit in, and son Dash bristles over not being allowed to use his powers in everyday life. What’s a former all-star to do with his whole life ahead of him and no outlet for his talents? For most of us the answer is, “Hang out with old teammates, relive the glory days over a few beers, and play some increasingly pathetic pickup games.” So it is with Bob as well, but when an opportunity arises to get back in the game, he grabs it… an opportunity that before it’s finished will drag his wife and kids into the fray as well. But you know what they say: the family that combats the forces of evil together, stays together.

There’s not a lot I can say that hasn’t been covered by the other Mutants, so I’ll just reiterate that the animation is superb, everything you’d expect from Pixar. Likewise, the voice casting is pitch perfect- I never once heard Coach Hayden Fox coming out of Mr. Incredible’s mouth, Craig T. Nelson really makes the role his own. Holly Hunter does that spirited but pragmatic wife routine even better than in Raising Arizona, and I hope whoever thought of casting Jason Lee as the smarmy, thinks-he’s-cleverer-than-everyone villain got a large bonus. Samuel L. Jackson sounds a little weird not swearing every fifth word, but I’ll give him a pass. The film moves along at a pretty good pace, and the final action piece excites even if the antagonist itself is a bit underwhelming, just a robot sphere with tentacles. By the way, you can tell I’m a superhero geek because during the final fight, my mind wouldn’t stop coming up with ways for the good guys to destroy it given the powers at their disposal. (Violet creates a force field inside the robot then expands it outward, crushing the internal mechanisms. Dash tries every combination of buttons on the remote in half a second. Frozone freezes the robot’s metal outer layer, making it brittle enough for Mr. Incredible to shatter with one punch. Dash grabs his mom and winds her around the robot’s tentacles, making it topple like an AT-AT.)

As I mentioned, I liked but didn’t love The Incredibles when it first came out because it entertained but seemed lacking in as resonant a theme as some of Pixar’s past offerings. What a difference a few years makes, because I now think that theme is one I just wasn’t in a place to appreciate back then. It’s still not my absolute favorite of the company’s movies, but it’s one I eagerly look forward to watching with my daughter and any other children I may someday be blessed with, as I start them on the long road to datelessness and comic collecting. (You laugh, but if your daughter were as cute as mine, you’d be looking for ways to keep her dateless too.) And for any college students reading this and scoffing at old man Drew, here’s a sobering calculation for you: elapsed turnaround time from graduation to meeting soulmate, getting hitched, and ultimately becoming a parent? 6 years, 5 months, 15 days. Tick, tick, tick…

Drew, this is your life

Didja Notice?

Mirage tells Mr. Incredible that he’ll be briefed on his second mission in conference room A-113. The number A-113 is a frequent Pixar in-joke based on one of the room numbers for the animation program at Cal Arts.
Syndrome’s facial features are based on those of the film’s director, Brad Bird.
In the beginning of the film, when a robber is going through a woman’s purse on the roof of a building, a Mr. Incredible Pez dispenser can be seen among the items scattered on the ground.
Inside Bob’s cubicle is a “danger” sign. The image is the lightning bolt of Captain Marvel (SHAZAM!), using the red of his uniform instead of the gold. It is in the distinctive shape of the Marvel family (Captain Marvel, Mary Marvel, Captain Marvel Jr., and Black Adam), not that of the various Flash costumes. When Mr. Incredible gets his fancy new car, the emblem on the hood is in the triangular shape of the Golden Age Superman’s symbol. The black ray-like vehicle that delivers Mr. Incredible to the island is a reference to the Black Manta, an enemy of Aquaman and member of the Legion of Doom. And Gazer-Beam is a direct reference to Cyclops of the X-Men.
The story takes place in a city called “Metroville”. It’s a combination of “Metropolis” and “Smallville,” respectively the cities where Superman lives and was raised.
The ending scene – with the Underminer emerging from the earth – is an homage to the Fantastic Four’s first enemy, the Mole Man.
Among the superheroes shown listed in the Kronos database are Universal Man, Psycwave, Everseer, Macroburst, Phylange, Blazestone, Downburst, Hyper Shock, Apogee, Blitzerman, Tradewind, Vectress, Gazerbeam, Gamma Jack, ElastiGirl, Frozone, and Mr. Incredible.
Syndrome’s unusual way of walking was supposedly inspired by a Pixar employee who someone had noticed had a very strange walk and commented on it. His or her attempts to curb the strange walk were the basis of Syndrome and his “purposeful” walking style.
When Mr. Incredible first meets Buddy he struggles to remember his name, calling him Brodie at first. Jason Lee, who voices Syndrome, made his big screen debut playing comic book-obsessed character Brodie Bruce in Mallrats.
The whole anti-capes joke may be a nod to a flashback in Watchmen, where Dollar Bill got his cape caught in a revolving door at a bank robbery and was gunned down.
Wallace Shawn (Mr. Huph) and John Ratzenburger (The Underminer) both make it into the movie in small roles. They’ve both been in every Pixar movie to date (with the exception that Shawn was not in Finding Nemo).
So… where did all the supervillains go when the heroes were forced underground?
Definitely Pixar’s most violent movie to date. Several henchmen and at least one major character die over the course of the film.
The move Bob and Helen use to save Jack-Jack is called the Fastball Special. It was pioneered by Wolverine and Colossus of the X-Men, wherein the latter would pick the former up and hurl him at an enemy.

Is It Worth Staying Through The End Credits?

They certainly look cool, with lots of stylish superhero-esque figures appearing and stirring music playing. Sure, what, are you in a hurry or something?

Intermission!

John Barry was originally hired to score the film but left the project after recording only a few demo themes.

In order to give Dash a realistic out-of-breath voice, Brad Bird made Spencer Fox run laps around the studio.

The little boy on the tricycle is named Rusty, this is never revealed in the film except for the credits and a comic in Disney Adventures Magazine.

This is the first time Pixar has used only human characters in a film.

The theme from the James Bond film On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, composed by John Barry, is used in the previews for this film. The version used in the first trailer is from the CD “Bond: Back in Action” (Escape From Piz Gloria and Ski Chase). The second trailer uses the remix by David Arnold featuring The Propellerheads as it appears on the 1997 albums “Shaken and Stirred – The David Arnold James Bond Project” and “Decksanddrumsandrockandroll”; this second trailer also uses the song “The Planet Plan” from the album “3rd Perspective” by United Future Organization.

Edna, the costume lady, is based on Edith Head, who worked as a studio costume designer on hundreds of movies over more than fifty years.

Brad Bird originally conceived this as a conventional cel-animated film when he pitched it. The cel-animated sequences seen in the End Credits are a representation of his original concept.

I know they're meant to be heroic, but God help me, those black masks make them look like 1) raccoons, and 2) criminals. Maybe something in red?

Groovy Quotes

Mr. Incredible: Bomb Voyage.
Bomb Voyage: Monsieur Incroyable!

Helen: I love you, but if we’re going to make this work, you have to be more than Mr. Incredible.

Violet: Normal? What do you know about normal? What does anyone in this family know about normal?
Helen: Now wait a minute, young lady-
Violet: We act normal, Mom, I want to be normal! The only normal one is Jack-Jack, and he’s not even toilet trained!

Lucius: So now I’m in deep trouble. I mean, one more jolt of this death ray and I’m an epitaph. Somehow I manage to find cover and what does Baron von Ruthless do?
Bob [laughing]: He starts monologuing.
Lucius: He starts monologuing! He starts this, like, prepared speech about how feeble I am compared to him, how inevitable my defeat is, how the world will soon be his, yadda yadda yadda.

Bob: What are YOU waiting for?
Little Boy on Tricycle: I don’t know. Something amazing, I guess.
Bob: Me too, kid.

Bob: It’s not a graduation. He’s moving from the 4th grade to the 5th grade.
Helen: It’s a ceremony.
Bob: It’s psychotic! They keep creating new ways to celebrate mediocrity.

Bob: Are you saying that we shouldn’t help our customers?
Mr. Huph: The law requires that I answer “no.”

Edna [to Mr. Incredible]: My God, you’ve gotten fat.

Mr. Incredible: You mean you killed off real heroes so that you could pretend to be one?
Syndrome: Oh, I’m real all right. Real enough to defeat you! And I did it without your precious gifts. Your oh-so-special powers. I’ll give them heroics. I’ll give them the most spectacular heroics the world has ever seen! And when I’m old and I’ve had my fun, I’ll sell my inventions so that everyone can have powers. Everyone can be Super! And when everyone’s Super… no one will be.

Edna: Supermodels. Hah! Nothing “super” about them – spoiled, stupid little stick figures with poofy lips who think only about themselves. Feh! I used to design for GODS!

Syndrome: Oh no! Elastigirl? You married ELASTIGIRL?!? [sees kids] And got biz-ZAY!

Lucius: Honey? Where’s my super suit?
Honey: What?
Lucius: Where – is – my – super – suit?
Honey: I, uh, put it away.
Lucius: Where?
Honey: Why… do you need to know?
Lucius: I need it!
Honey: Don’t you think about running off doing no derrin’-do. We’ve been planning this dinner for two months!
Lucius: The public is in danger!
Honey: My evening’s in danger!
Lucius: You tell me where my suit is, woman! We are talking about the greater good!
Honey: Greater good? I am your wife! I’m the greatest good you are ever gonna get!

Evil Henchman Watching TV News: Every time they run, we do a shot!

Old Man #1: Did you see that? That’s the way to do it. That’s old school!
Old Man #2: Yeah. No school like the old school.

Underminer: Behold, the Underminer! I’m always beneath you, but nothing is beneath me! I hereby declare war on peace and happiness! Soon, all will tremble before me!

If You Liked This Movie, Try These:

Drew does That Thing You Do!

Drew — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 04:06:57 +0000

“I led you here, sir, for I am Spartacus.”

The Scoop: 1996 PG, directed by Tom Hanks and starring Tom Hanks, Liv Tyler and Tom Hanks’ younger clone (er, Tom Everett Scott)

Tagline: In every life there comes a time when that dream you dream becomes that thing you do.

Summary Capsule: The ~~Oneders~~ Wonders, a group of young musicians in the mid 60s, record a hit tune and skyrocket to fame… maybe a bit too quickly. Can the band work out their differences, or will they end up as the one-hit Wonders?

Drew’s Rating: I don’t say this to every girl, but I. Am. Spartacus.

Drew’s Review: Like most people, I usually identify with the heroes of films. I don’t think that’s the result of massive ego on my part (well, not entirely) so much as the fact that filmmakers work hard to make protagonists relatable and engaging. With the exception of horror movies and some indie films, if the audience doesn’t like the main character, they don’t like the movie. I bring that up because while I do relate to Guy, the protagonist of feel-good period comedy That Thing You Do!, my favorite character is easily Lenny, the smart aleck who doesn’t take anything seriously and is prone to dropping random quips at any given time. Like Lenny, I too know the pain of making hilarious comments (shut up, they are so) to people who aren’t expecting them and don’t know how to react. This often leads to silence and incredulous “son, do you ride the short bus?” stares, but who cares as long as you and the invisible audience are amused? Of course, Lenny’s invisible audience actually exists, plus he’s slightly dim and a borderline pervert, so I am now starting to regret comparing myself to him. Let’s move on, shall we?

Our film begins with appliance salesman/drum enthusiast Guy Patterson (Scott) being asked by friends to play new song “That Thing You Do” at a talent show, in the wake of their original drummer breaking his arm. Guy agrees, then makes the rather ballsy decision to speed up the tempo of the song he didn’t write, by the band he’s not technically a member of, with people who are essentially paying him for his time. To his great fortune, rather than ruining the tune and getting everyone pissed, the crowd loves it. Soon Guy and the Oneders (that’s as in the number one), with lead singer Jimmy’s girlfriend Faye (Tyler) along for the ride, are playing at local bars and cutting a record. But after signing with manager Mr. White (Hanks), tensions mount for the newly rechristened Wonders even as “That Thing You Do” blazes up the charts. Jimmy wants to concentrate on more serious songs and make another record; their bass player (Ethan Embry) enlisted in the Marines and will be leaving soon; and smartass Lenny (Steve Zahn) is just looking to tune some pretty young thing’s guitar. If you can decipher my cryptic innuendo. Wink wink. With a TV appearance coming up that could launch them into national stardom, the boys have a choice: shape up or break up. Care to place your bets?

Confession time: I’ve been meaning to review TTYD! for years, but I could never figure out quite what to say. I think the issue is that while I really like the movie, it’s hard to put into words what I love about it. If pressed, I guess I’d point to the way the film portrays the boys’ totally unironic enthusiasm over their meteoric rise to fame. In his debut directorial effort, Tom Hanks does a nice job of getting performances out of his actors that convince the audience that yes, these are really clean-cut, naive youngsters who just stumbled onto a Billboard hit and are enjoying the hell out of it. I have to think that any musician, no matter how jaded or above-it-all he may be, experiences a hushed moment of disbelief upon seeing his first record. I’ll bet even Sid Vicious got choked up for a second before he went back to shooting up whatever was laying around. What TTYD! does and does well is to keep that feeling going, bringing you along for the ride with these small town kids who literally can’t believe this is all happening to them. There’s a wide-eyed innocence to the whole thing that appeals to me, and I’m guessing to the optimist in all of us… I don’t know many people who don’t like this movie.

Of course, you can’t achieve that effect without actors who can convincingly pull off awestruck joy, and it’s here that Tom Hanks made some really smart decisions. Sure, Tom Everett Scott pulls off the aw shucks leading man amiability, but it’s costar Johnathon Schaech who impresses by hitting all the right rod-up-his-buttons… with due respect, the guy just looks like a pretentious, artistic twit, doesn’t he? Compared to Reality Bites, it’s great to see a movie where Steve Zahn is really allowed to shine in that smartass way of his, and in anything he’s in, I will always see Ethan Embry as the boyish, slightly gawky nameless guy. What works is that these four guys have chemistry together, and — particularly in the extended scenes, see below — they actually seem like friends. As for my darling Liv, I find it ironic that Steven Tyler’s daughter always ends up playing the totally pure, innocent characters, whether it’s Corey in Empire Records or Faye here or Arwen in Lord of the Rings. Still, she has the looks for it, and mostly manages to pull off girl-next-door status. (I say mostly because there’s no one in the world who chases after a cougar when he’s got Liv Tyler waiting at home for him. That’s like stepping out on Scarlett Johansson so you can date Julia Roberts. Not happening.)

So there you have it- That Thing You Do! Combine the ’60s pop sensibilities of A Hard Day’s Night with the “hometown boy joins band and makes it big” vibe of Rock Star, strip all the sex and drugs cautionary elements from the latter, and you’re left with a funny, lighthearted romp that won’t blow your mind but probably won’t bore you to tears with the predictability of it all. It doesn’t aim to be the greatest movie ever, and it isn’t; but that said, far lesser films try to accomplish a great deal more all the time and fail miserably. TTYD! knows what it is, and what it is is a fun little movie you put on every so often to appeal to the hopeful kid in all of us. I will caution you that between the various snippets, you’ll probably hear the title song at least 4 times in total before the film’s over. Assuming you can handle that, there’s no reason not to see That Thing at least once.

Didja Notice?

In a running gag, Ethan Embry’s character is never named, being referred to throughout the movie simply as “our bass player.” Even in the text segment at the end he’s listed as “T.B. Player.”
The movie features numerous cameos: among them, Guy’s Uncle Bob is Chris Isaak, “Boss Vic Koss” is Kevin Pollak, and Ron Howard’s brother Clint plays the disc jockey. Two of director Tom Hanks’ family members also make cameos- son Colin escorts Liv Tyler to her seat at the Hollywood Showcase, and wife Rita Wilson is a waitress at The Blue Spot named Marguerite. (In reality, Wilson’s birth name is Margarita Ibrahimova.)
There are numerous references to Apollo 13, including Jimmy and Lenny’s last names being borrowed from astronauts Ken Mattingly and Fred Haise. Also, a marquee sign in Pittsburgh touts “Marilyn Lovell and the Geminis.” In real life, Marilyn Lovell was the wife of Jim Lovell from Apollo 13.
SPOILER! This might be total coincidence, but: the Bryan Adams song “Summer of ‘69″ talks about a band breaking up when “Jimmy quit, Jody got married.” In TTYD!, Mr. White says the words “Jimmy just quit” and then asks where Lenny is; this is immediately followed by a shot of Lenny getting married.

Is It Worth Staying Through The End Credits?

No, but right before the credits, brief text pieces explain what happened to each of the band members plus Faye.

: Guy: That’s right, smirk, you cocky bastard. Lenny: A face only a milk carton could love. Jimmy: Dude, look gayer. T.B. Player: I’d be nervous too if Jimmy were looking at me like that.

Intermission!

That Thing You Do!

TTYD! parallels the career of the Beatles in many ways, from the music-themed spelling of their name to the message flashed on screen during their first TV appearance. (For Jimmy it’s “Careful girls, he’s engaged”; for John Lennon on the Ed Sullivan Show it was “Sorry girls, he’s married”.) Also, the Beatles’ first hit was a sped-up version of a slower ballad, “Please Please Me.” The scene where the band members are escorted into a limo and Faye is almost left behind was inspired by an incident that occurred in New York where a security guard refused to believe Cynthia Lennon was John’s wife and wouldn’t let her past to join them on a train. However, in real life the band didn’t notice Cynthia was left behind and she missed the train.

Supposedly Tom Hanks conceived the idea for the movie when he learned that the Beatles replaced a sick Ringo Starr with another drummer while touring Japan and Australia, and wondered what those three weeks were like for that drummer. The title song was written by Adam Schlesinger, bassist for Fountains of Wayne, as the result of a contest held by the studio.

Groovy Quotes

Jimmy: No, look — “The Oneders.” Lenny.
Lenny: Yeah, it looks like the O’Needers.
Jimmy: No, the… the Oneders.
Lenny: Got it. Looks like the O’Needers.

Villapiano: Know what that is?
Lenny: …Presidential flash cards?
Villapiano: A bonus. You know why?
Lenny: I have no idea.
Villapiano: To entice you back! The word is out on you O’Needers.
Lenny: Hey, that’s O’Nedders.

Lenny: Hi! I’m Lenny.
Female Fan: Hi.
Lenny: What’s your name?
Female Fan: Chrissy.
Lenny: Yeah, he’s got a very pretty girlfriend, doesn’t he?
Chrissy: Is it serious, do you know?
Lenny: Very serious. I’m single!
Chrissy: What about the bass player?
Lenny: He’s married!

Mr. White: Next, this “Oneders” with the O-N-E? It doesn’t work. It’s confusing. From now on you boys’ll just be… simply the Wonders.
Lenny: As in, I wonder what happened to the O’Needers?
Mr. White: That’s right.

Lenny: Diane Dane! Diane Dane! I had my first boy-girl thing I ev- it was for a picture of you on a record sleeve!
Diane: Yeah, charming.

TV Reporter: The biggest state fair in the entire world! Ah, talk about this latest record.
Jimmy: It’s our first record, we wrote it in my garage in Erie, Pennsylvania.
TV Reporter: I’ll wager that the kids and fellas here, and all the folks at the fair, are showing you a time like you never had.
Lenny: Oh, I’m not here with these fellas… I got a pig in competition over at the livestock pavilion, and I am gonna win that blue ribbon!

Lenny: So, how long have you, uh, worked here at Play-Tone?
Kitty: How long you been wearin’ such tight pants?

Jimmy: Diane Dane said, “Never trust a label,” and I’m beginning to believe her.
Lenny: Oh, I agree. I mean c’mon, they put us up in a first-class hotel, all expenses paid, while our record climbs the charts… buncha lying snakes.
Jimmy: I’m sorry I’m bugging you. I guess I’m alone in my principles.
Lenny: Come on! There he goes, off to his room to write that hit song, “Alone In My Principles.”

Lenny: Skitch… how did we get here?
Guy: I led you here, sir, for I am Spartacus.

Jimmy: Which one of you butts said we were engaged?
Mr. White: The same person who said you had class, Jimmy

Mr. White: You know Guy, Horace was right about you, you are the smart one. Lenny is the fool, Jimmy is the talent, Faye is… well now Faye is special, isn’t she? And you are the smart one. That’s what I think, anyway.

Faye: You know that, um, none of this would have happened if you hadn’t joined the band. And I mean that in a good way.

If You Liked This Movie, Try These:

Rock Star

This Is Spinal Tap

Hairspray

Lissa does The Clone Wars

Lissa — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 16:20:18 +0000

“The wise and powerful Jabba has one more small condition: he demands you bring back the slime who kidnapped his little…punky muffin.”

The Scoop: 2008, PG, directed by Dave Filoni, starring: Matt Lanter, James Arnold Taylor, Ashley Eckstein

Tagline: No tagline

Summary Capsule: Anakin, Obi-Wan and friends fight battle droids a lot. Also, Dooku.

Lissa’s Rating: At least I don’t call my kids punky muffin.

Lissa’s Review: I’m a child of the seventies and eighties, and like pretty much everyone else from that era, I love Star Wars. Sure, it’s not pure brilliance in terms of acting, story, cinematics (these days), or anything else, but it’s Star Wars. And like all of us, I had my heart broken by the prequels. But note I went to all three anyway.

However, as much as I like Star Wars, I’m not all that into it. I’ve only ever read one of the novelizations, and I’ve never read any of the tie-in novels, although I’ve heard that some of them are quite good. I don’t write fanfiction for it. (And given that I do actually write the stuff for a couple of other franchises, that’s actually a good indication of my interest level.) Basically, I pretty much stopped at the six movies. But the other day I had an opportunity to see The Clone Wars for free and entertain my offspring at the same time (yay, Regal Family Film Festival!), so we went. And I learned a few things:

1.) Exposition can be really annoying.

Since the movie is geared at kids, I get why they didn’t do the traditional introductory scroll. When your target audience either can’t read or is still sounding out words like “pickles”, tossing words like “separatists” or “Federation” or made-up alien names at them just isn’t the most effective means of conveying information. But at the same time, having Obi-Wan or Anikan reiterate the plot in a “as you know, we are pinned down by the enemy and are now sending for more reinforcements” sort of voice can get a tad… tedious.

2.) It’s really obvious how much of the prequel movies was CGI.

People done in computer-generated animation still have that weird, stick-like look to them, no matter what movie you watch. However, robots and backgrounds look fantastic. While Anikan, Obi-Wan, and any other humans looked a little… funny… the battle droids and the settings looked almost exactly like they did in the prequel movies. Yeah, we all knew George Lucas was more concerned with flash over story, but this REALLY showed it up.

3.) But the Jedi have REALLY cool powers.

This was one area where CGI actually did benefit. Seventies/early eighties effects being what they were, we all could appreciate that light sabers were cool and Jedi were supposed to be powerful, but watching in animation… this was the first time I really saw how having a Jedi around was more of a threat than having a samurai around. Before, they were just guys with cool sticks that could throw things around with their minds. This time, I really got it.

4.) There are ways to make Anakin Skywalker less annoying.

Yes! It’s true! The first? Don’t give him any romantic dialogue. I actually liked the Anakin/Padme romantic hints in this one. But second, give him a sidekick more annoying than he is, and I promise he will start being less annoying simply by comparison. Ahsoka was easily one of the most annoying sidekicks in cinematic history, and wow, I wanted to smack her pretty much every time she opened her mouth.

5.) The majority of the kids of today aren’t as bad as everyone makes them out to be.

But the thing is, she was just annoying. She wasn’t actually bad – just a total know-it-all Mary Sue of a character. But actually, the real reason I had this point was because we were in a packed movie theater with 2/3 of the seats occupied by people under 10. And the behavior was amazing, and I mean that in a good way. Sure, it wasn’t silent, and sure, some of them got restless. But no popcorn throwing, no gum spitting or spitball fights, and the kids were relatively quiet. I was impressed.

6.) Hutts have sex.

It’s a repulsive image, yes, but apparently, it’s true.

The first way we find this out is that Jabba the Hutt has procreated. Someone has kidnapped his infant son “Punky muffin”, and it’s up to the Jedi to get him back. Of course, the fact that we never see a Mrs. The Hutt could imply that Hutts reproduce asexually, and Punky just split off from Jabba one day. However, then you have Ziro.

Okay, who the heck came up with Ziro the Hutt, and what decade do they think it is???? We’re supposed to be making strides forward in the way we view the homosexual community, not strides back. It’s not that I object to a gay villain, per se, but for crying out loud, could he have BEEN any more of a stereotype? Lots of pink, feathers, a lisp… head, meet desk. I’m normally willing to cut a lot of slack, but on this one… no. There is no WAY they couldn’t have known what they were doing.

7.) Not only did The Clone Wars fail at LBGT issues, it failed at gender issues.

Ah, gender issues in scifi. The thing is, I usually wouldn’t accuse Star Wars of having them. For the time period, Princess Leia was pretty forward in terms of butt kickers. Yes, she needed saving, but so did Luke and Han at different points, and as soon as they rescued her she grabbed a gun and took charge. She was competent, sassy, and held her own against Han, making him actually improve to HER level before she’d give him the time of day. So, yeah, I didn’t really have much in the way of gender issues with the original trilogy.

But now, I’d like to see scifi writers and filmmakers thinking more about gender issues. And in the prequels, we still have a strong, male dominated cast. There’s Padme, but aside from that… there aren’t many female characters.

The Clone Wars ups the ante a bit with two. Oooh. But notice how they’re both apprentices. Notice how they both wear revealing clothing while the male Jedi wear armor. (At least Leia dressed practically, and the slave girl bikini doesn’t count as that was supposed to be misogynistic.) I’ll give them the credit of making Ahsoka fairly competent for a young kid, but who also turns to goo in the face of a baby slimeball? I’m just saying- come on guys. It’s the 21st century. A prominent non-apprentice female Jedi with a decent-sized role wouldn’t kill you.

8.) I really split hairs on point 7.

For all that I’ll complain about the female characters being apprentices, and Ahsoka being freaking ANNOYING, I actually found myself liking the mentor relationship between her and Anikan. It was odd, because I couldn’t stand her and I normally can’t stand him and their dialogue was often lame and if I talked to my tae kwon do master like that I would have been kicked out of class, but I still liked the affection they developed.

Go figure.

9.) The Clones are kind of neat. It’s nice to see the Stormtroopers-to-be without helmets.

Hey, it’s the little things in life. Actually, it’s a line in Clerks, about wondering if your average Stormtrooper knows how to install a toilet main. It sort of makes you think a little about what life as a grunt in this society must be like, and it was kind of nice to see a few hints of that.

10.) It’s definitely a kids’ movie, and it’s already leaving my brain.

Granted, Star Wars movies aren’t always the deepest and most ponderable of movies, but they are memorable. At least the first three are, anyway. The Clone Wars had its ups and downs, but 48 hours later, I’m already forgetting a lot of it. While it might partly be because I took the kids and spent half the movie making sure Ducklet didn’t get swallowed by his seat and the other half keeping T2 from bothering the nearest neighbors, I don’t think that’s the whole explanation. It wasn’t terrible, it was fun for a few hours, but it wasn’t something I feel the need to buy myself, either.

Unless I can use Ahsoka for target practice. Then I’m all for it.

Want a second opinion? Check out Al’s review here!

Jedi Padawan or annoying Thundercat? You decide.

Didja Notice?

No opening scroll and no John Williams music? Weak.
Are they fighting a blue, Scottish walrus in the opening battle?
R2-D2 has a girlfriend?
Punky Muffin? Ugh.
A clone trooper Wilhelm Screams at the monastery?
R2’s jet rockets are way more powerful than I would have thought.
Anakin and Ahsoka are flying a B-Wing when they escape from Teth?
Asajj can lock her lightsabers together and form a staff?
No one says “I have a bad feeling about this.” This was easy fanservice, guys. Bad form.
I’m not sure if James A. Taylor did a great Ewan McGregor impression or a great Alec Guinness impression, but I applaud it nonetheless.

Is It Worth Staying Through End Credits?

Nope.

Intermission!

Anakin is shown here already sporting the facial scar we see in Episode III. Official continuity states he received the scar from Asajj Ventress approximately thirty months after the Battle of Geonosis (Episode II). According to the opening voiceover, however, the movie is supposed to take place ‘soon after’ the Battle of Geonosis. [Doug] Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder! [/Doug]

Groovy Quotes

Captain Rex: Who’s the youngling?
Ahsoka: I’m Master Skywalker’s padawan. The name’s Ahsoka Tano.
Captain Rex: Sir, I thought you said you’d never have a padawan.
Anakin: There’s been a mix-up. The youngling isn’t with me.
Ahsoka: Stop calling me that! You’re stuck with me, Sky Guy.

Ahsoka: So what’s the plan?
Anakin: I thought you were the one with the plan.
Ahsoka: Nope. I’m the one with enthusiasm. You’re the one with experience which I’m looking forward to learning from.

Anakin: You’re reckless, little one. You never would have made it as Obi Wan’s padawan. But you might just make it as mine.

Jabba’s Protocol Droid: The wise and powerful Jabba has one more small condition: he demands you bring back the slime who kidnapped his little… punky muffin.

Battle Droid #1: Concentrate fire on sector 113274265!
Battle Droid #2: Sector 1132—what was that again?
Battle Droid #1: Just fire right there!

Asajj Ventress: Master Kenobi, always chasing after Skywalker. How predictable.
Obi Wan: Anakin leaves quite a mess — which always leads me to you, Ventress.

Ahsoka: Master Kenboi’s here. Now we’ll see some real fireworks!
Anakin: And what do you call what I’ve been doing all day?
Ahsoka: I dunno. The word ‘reckless’ comes to mind.

Ahsoka: You’ve got that ‘We’re in trouble’ look.
Anakin: There’s a look?

If you liked this movie, try these:

Ten Movies To Actually Watch WITH Your Kid

Lissa — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 15:18:36 +0000

Well, this show has been on the road for eleven years, and over that time the Mutant Reviewers from Hell have undergone some changes. We’ve had reviewers and readers come and go. We’ve had people move. We’ve had people get married. We’ve had tragedies and scares. And we’ve had births.

Just given our age demographic, it’s not surprising. Of the current reviewers on staff, four of us are married, and at least nine of us are of the age where we can have children and our parents wouldn’t completely die of a heart attack. And our readers are hitting that same time in their lives. And as we do, what’s on our TVs changes.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children under two don’t watch TV, and after that, children are exposed to a very limited amount of television. Now, I’m all for that, but at the same time, kids watching TV has some benefits, trust me. When your kid is sick, when it’s raining out, or when God forbid you actually want to cook dinner without someone under your feet constantly, the TV is a godsend.

But what can you put on? What isn’t completely shrill and annoying and is something that everyone in the house can actually tolerate? (At least the first 50 times.) Fortunately, I have answers. Now, this list is geared at the toddler set. It’s also geared at the times parents want to sit down and watch WITH their kids. I’m not saying that you should watch with your kids every second, because that can sometimes defeat the purpose (like the dinner-cooking one). But sometimes it’s nice to have a cuddle and share something you love with your child.

And one other caveat: I have two boys. There is a serious lack of princesses on this list.

10. Titan A.E., the original Star Trek or the original Battlestar Galactica

Little boys, I am discovering, love space. They really, truly do. And it’s not just my kid- EVERY little boy I know can recite Star Wars and the Clone Wars without pausing for breath. However, there is very little about space that’s geared at kids. Space is no longer deemed cool by marketers.

But it was cool in the seventies and eighties, and that’s when the original Star Trek series and the original Battlestar Galactica came out. I haven’t tested Star Trek with my kids, but my pediatrician actually recommended it. I have tested the original Battlestar Galactica, and Ducklet spent the next month pretending to be Starbuck. It was a huge hit. And Titan A.E. is just cool, and has the little-kid advantage of being animated.

Yes, these movies/shows are a little… advanced. Yes, there is a lot that will go right over their little heads. But there are spaceships and neat aliens, minimal bloodshed (even if there’s violence), the enemy is generally not too scary, and two out of the three are genuinely fun stories. (The third is just fun to laugh at its cheesiness.) And just in case it isn’t clear, yes, I am totally talking about the original BSG, and not the new one. Do not show your toddlers the new BSG. End stop.

So, why isn’t Star Wars and the Clone Wars on this list? Two words: light sabers. Because let’s face it- after you see a light saber, there is only one thing you can do: pretend any stick or wrapping paper roll is one and run around hitting things. If your toddler is the last of your line, this is fine. If your toddler has younger siblings, it’s better to wait until the sibling can defend his or herself before introducing your toddler to Star Wars.

Trust me on this.

9. Planet Earth

This is a beautiful, amazing series that was put out on BBC. It’s extremely educational and you’ll learn lots of interesting things about nature, and your kid will enjoy watching the close up shots of any sort of animal you can imagine. All while beautiful, soothing music plays.

I will admit that it’s a little slow. The talk might not hold your toddler’s attention, especially if your sprog is of the more active variety. But it is really pretty, and the animals are really neat.

8. Ice Age 2: The Meltdown

Ice Age is a fun enterprise, one I’ve enjoyed long before I had kids. It’s the story of an unconventional “herd”: Manny the Mammoth, Diego the Saber-Toothed Tiger, and Sid the Sloth, voiced by Ray Romono, Dennis Leary, and Jon Leguzamo, respectively. Really, these three should do more together. It’s a ragtag, fantastic group, and they play off each other very well.

I prefer the first Ice Age myself, but I listed the second one for a reason. In the first one, Diego “dies.” He comes back to life via the whole cats-have-nine-lives thing, but for a young one, that can be a little freaky. In Ice Age 2, we don’t have any fake deaths.

Even better, in Ice Age 2, we get some new characters. Ellie, the mammoth who thinks she’s a possum is relatively amusing, but her possum brothers, the mini sloths, and Scrat all steal the show. It’s cute, it’s fun, and while it lacks the cutting wit of anything Pixar’s ever made, it’s a pretty good bet and holds up well to multiple viewing.

7. Walking with Dinosaurs

There are things little boys love more than space, and they are trucks and dinosaurs. Walking with Dinosaurs is another BBC series, and the effects and the dinosaurs alone make this worth watching. Again, it’s very educational, and it’s just… wow.

However, this is DEFINITELY one to watch WITH your kid. This is the age of dinosaurs, so yes, some of them eat others. Because that’s how dinosaurs work. You might want to fast forward through that if your kid can’t take it. They also (and I’m so not joking about this) show dinosaurs mating. Trust me, your life is not complete until you’ve seen two apatosaurs getting it on.

Dino porn. You know you’re curious now.

6. The Shrek Movies

What could be better than Scottish ogres and talking donkeys? How about fencing cats and giant walking gingerbread men? Shrek farts, burps, and is otherwise disgusting, which of course makes kids howl with laughter. The movies also gleefully lampoon fairy tales and add in spoofs galore, which makes adults laugh.

I include Shrek for another reason. Of all the movie princesses, Fiona is one of my favorites. I like the fact that Fiona is an ogress, and she’s happy that way. She goes out and saves her man, she doesn’t just sit around being pretty… Fiona is a pretty strong female character, and if I had a daughter I’d like her to like Fiona. It’s nice to see someone turn the princess cliché on its head.

And although the movie is heavy handed with its moral, it’s a moral I really like.

5. The Jungle Book

Ah, classic Disney. Hand drawn animation. There is very little of that on this list, which sort of surprises me.

But I’ve found that my kids aren’t as into the old Disney movies. Some of them, I just haven’t shown them. I never liked Pinocchio, I have feminist issues with Snow White, and The Fox and the Hound is one of the slowest movies EVER. Plus, Pixar is just awesome, so my kids tend to watch those. But The Jungle Book is one of the best classic movies out there. It focuses on animals, it’s funny, and it’s got the best music of any classic Disney movie out there.

4. Finding Nemo

You might be shocked that only two Pixar movies made this list, or that I didn’t just put “anything by Pixar.” I am, a little, too. But, see, for the toddler set, not all Pixar movies are created equal. The Incredibles, for example, is a little too talky for the kiddies, especially at the beginning. Same with Ratatouille. (Interestingly, those are my two favorite Pixar movies.) Toy Story can be scary for kids, because honestly? Sid is a scary villain. Not because he’s so far out there, but because he’s NOT. Kids know that the Drej from Titan A.E. don’t exist. They also know that kids like Sid do. Monsters, Inc has monsters. Yes, yes, I know they’re NICE monsters, but YOU convince a three year old of that one.

Finding Nemo, however, goes over incredibly well. It’s gender neutral, it’s bright and colorful, it’s hysterical, and I’m telling you: I’ve seen this movie over fifty times and Dory NEVER gets old. She really doesn’t.

If you have a kid, you need to own this movie. End of discussion.

3. Cars

Cars is the other Pixar movie I put on the list, because again, it’s funny and it’s pretty gender neutral and it’s creative and it’s great. Yes, it’s Doc Hollywood told by cars, but hey. But the thing about Cars that I really like is that there are no real villains. There is absolutely nothing scary (except maybe Frank) about Cars. There is nothing that can be conceived of as scary. And yet, because of the structure of the story, this works, even for adults.

2. The Muppet Movies

The Muppets are pure awesome, we all know this. But the Muppets also have some monsters, and some jokes that go too far over kids’ heads. However, the Muppet movie is a little more kid-friendly, with lots of Fozzie and Kermit and Miss Piggy and Gonzo. Great music, and great guest cameos, although I have to admit, I don’t recognize some of them. I like the other Muppet movies as well, by the way. But the first one is always a classic.

And if you don’t believe me that they’re aimed at adults as well, the Lost? Try Hare Krishna running gag or the scene where Miss Piggy fantasizes about having sex with Kermit prove it.

1. Sesame Street

Jim Henson really deserved a Nobel Prize for all he’s done for children’s entertainment. Seriously. Aside from the amazing puppetry, he created shows that parents and children could watch. Shows that genuinely made learning fun. Songs that I have on my iPod. And Sesame Street is right there at the top of the list.

Sesame Street isn’t as snarky as the Muppets, and Elmo can be annoying for parents, yes. But it is still packed with stuff adults will laugh at, and spoofs and references that kids just don’t get. (My favorite: there was a man dressed in a terrible powder blue suit- with cape- on, back facing the audience. “The Final Countdown” started playing. And it totally went from there. If you don’t get the reference, you really need to watch Arrested Development. If you do, it’s worth finding this spot and watching it.) I particularly have enjoyed “American I” and “Let’s Make a Meal.” (I now want them to do “Battletriangle Galactica”, with Telly as Adama, Oscar as Tigh, and Elmo as the ever-helpful Gaeta, all battling the even Trilons (triangle shaped robots) and learning that monsters and Trilons aren’t so different after all. Tell me that wouldn’t be hysterical.)

Okay, so Elmo’s World can be hard to stomach as an adult, I admit that. But the rest of it… it really is great stuff for kids to watch.

5 Shows or Movies to Think Twice About

5. Most kids’ entertainment

For every gem of a show, there are about 10 terrible ones out there. At best, a lot of children’s entertainment is just DUMB. At worst, it can be offensive and stupid.

However, there is good stuff out there that you just don’t want to watch with your kids. It’s geared at kids, it doesn’t have that edge that anything Jim Henson touched does, and it does go heavy on lessons and morals. But it’s still worth allowing your kids to watch. Just choose carefully.

Death To Smoochy, while a horrible movie, was made for a reason, people.

4. The Road to El Dorado

Why must people insist on thinking that animated means suitable for kids? I very much enjoy The Road to El Dorado, but I would not show it to a young child. There’s some scary violence, the “heroes” are in the morally gray area, and there’s a fairly obvious oral sex scene. (Come on. You KNOW that’s what she’s doing.) I’m not objecting to animated movies not being for children, just investigate them before you show them to kids, okay?

3. Zoboomafoo

This has been a list of things that it’s good to watch with your kids, that everyone can stand. For things you can let your kids watch on their own, Zoboomafoo tops my list. Zoboomafoo is an animal show hosted by the Kratt brothers, Martin and Chris. The brothers both have degrees in animal related fields, and are educational, informative, and clear. They talk about all sorts of different animals and emphasize compassion, environmentalism/animal protection, and safety around animals. They’re joined by an overactive lemur (I think) named… I don’t know. Zaboo? Zoboomafoo? I haven’t worked that out. It’s a great show.

However, unless you really get into the animals, there’s really nothing here for the adults. This is strictly kid stuff, and while it’s good kid stuff, I find it BORING. This is the stuff to put on when you want to get the bathrooms cleaned or dinner cooked, because there’s NOTHING here that requires parental supervision and it’s quality kids’ entertainment, but it’s not something you want to watch yourself.

2. Baby Einstein videos

Have you ever put these things in? They are hypnotic. They’re geared for the baby set, and images go across the screen as classical music plays. The thing about these is that if you sit down to watch, you will not get back up. Especially because if you’re watching these, you probably aren’t sleeping the nights yet, anyway.

1. The Lion King

Disney makes a lot of great movies, and The Lion King is my personal favorite of them all. I used to believe that this would be the one I’d want to share with my children first.

Then we visited a friend, who told us that her son was not allowed to watch it. Why? Because Simba’s father dies in the middle, on screen.

It’s a good reason.

Should children be shielded from violence and tragedy? Well, YES, if we can help it. I’m not saying that children should grow up naïve, and when you as a parent ARE ready to start introducing the concept of death, The Lion King might very well be a good jumping off point. And a seven or eight year old might not be so concerned. But yes, a three year old- once he understands what death is- is immediately going to start worrying that his daddy is going to die. As parents, we need to have dialogues with our children, but we also need to understand when our children are emotionally and mentally ready for those dialogues.

Sue, stop laughing your butt off at me right now. I’m eating crow in public for you, girl, and it’s still one of MY favorite Disney movies. Shut up.

And that’s really the big caveat of this list. These are the things I’ve found are good for my kids, and that my kids enjoy and can handle. But your mileage may vary, because only the parents really know what they want their kids watching. What I find objectionable (Barney- I HATE Barney) might not bug you at all, and you might be staring at this list in shock wondering what the heck has possessed my brain. Make your own judgments, but maybe this can give you new ideas or help get you started.

Heather does Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian

Heather — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 12:07:03 +0000

“You’re crazier’n a road lizard!”

The Scoop: 2009 PG, directed by Shawn Levy and starring Ben Stiller, Amy Adams, Hank Azaria and Owen Wilson

Tagline: When the lights go off, the battle is on.

Summary Capsule: It’s up to Larry to rescue his friends from the evil clutches of Moe! I mean, Kahmunrah!

Heather’s Rating: No, really… just how crazy is a road lizard?

Heather’s Review: I got a puzzled glance from the cashier when this grown woman bought just one admission ticket for a film called Night At The Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian. I was originally supposed to see this film with my young nephew and niece, but was dumped on the day of in favor of playing with firecrackers with their friends. I’d rather not think about what that says for my appeal as a person.

Even so I’m happy to say that I don’t regret my choice of movie, and I actually had a really good time watching this sequel by myself. There’s something to be said for going to the theater alone, during off hours, staring up at a big screen that seems to be playing just for me. I can have all the elbow room I want and can even prop my feet up on the seat in front of me (yeah, I’m a loose cannon).

Back in 2006, the first movie told the story of Larry Daley (Stiller), a reluctant new night guard for the Museum of Natural History. Larry is shocked to discover that the exhibits are brought to life every night by a magical Egyptian tablet. Apparently the ancient Egyptians created gaudy baubles to animate store mannequins and wax statues when they got bored inventing trivial crap like paper and surgery.

The second movie extends the tale two years into the future, and we see that Larry is now a successful businessman. He takes a trip to the museum near closing time and finds museum director Dr. McPhee (Ricky Gervais, reprising his role!) standing amongst a lobby full of shipping crates containing much of the museum’s exhibits. McPhee informs Larry that the museum is changing over to interactive holographic exhibits, with the exception of the most popular pieces. Everything else is being shipped to the archives at the Smithsonian Institute. Larry stays behind to say goodbye to his friends and apologize for not spending much time with them over the years. Near dawn Teddy Roosevelt admits that the tablet isn’t going to the Smithsonian and those being shipped will never awaken again.

Larry is surprised soon afterward when he gets a distressed phone call from cowboy miniature Jedediah (Wilson), asking him to come help. Dexter, that rascally stuffed capuchin from the first film, stole the tablet and brought it with them to the Smithsonian. Now they are being attacked by Kahmunrah, a ne’er-do-well pharaoh with plans to use the tablet to awaken his Army of the Undead.

*whew*. Longest. Plot rehash. Ever. With that out of the way, I just want to say how completely surprised I was with this movie. There was a terrific cast, most returning from the first movie, with some awesome new additions. Hank Azaria was brilliant as Kahmunrah. I loved his nod to Boris Karloff with that accent and slight lisp. Azaria fleshed out a perfectly balanced evil/funny villain in a genre that tends to take said character archetype over the top. Another welcome addition was Christopher Guest who, in my opinion, had far too small of a role as Ivan The Terrible.

I recommend this as a terrific film for the family (or lonely twentysomething). The special effects were just fantastic, and there were some genuinely hilarious moments that had me laughing out loud ‘til I attracted the attention of the usher (don’t think I didn’t see you there, sneaking in a movie on company time. Yeah, I kept my feet up on that seat. If I’m going down, you’re going down with me).
This movie, like its predecessor, had its faults. Most glaring was Bill Hader’s General Custer. Oh my gosh how I loathed that annoying, screeching thing. The movie wouldn’t have suffered one iota if he had been left out completely. I also wasn’t too keen on the character of Amelia Earhart. She was just unimpressive to me. In every other instance this movie succeeded where the previous one failed (like trying too hard to be funny, and the stupid monkey Dexter. Why is there always a monkey?), and really found its footing in what I’m happy to say is a sequel that I liked as good, if not better, than the original.

Which really sucks for me, because it’s not going to be so easy to explain why a childless adult owns both movies on DVD.

This could be any number of recent Nicholas Cage movies.

Didja Notice?:

The Wright Brothers munching on those awful freeze-dried “astronaut treats” sold in museum gift stores?
Would that kind of aircraft really make it from Washington, D.C. to New York in less than an hour?
The slow-mo Miniatures vs. Shoes scene was very funny.

Intermission:

This is the first movie to be filmed in the Smithsonian.

Groovy Quotes:

Kahmunrah:

Larry:

Kahmunrah:

Larry:

Jedediah: [To Kahmunrah] You’re crazier’n a road lizard!

[Confronting Darth Vader]
Kahmunrah: Is that you breathing? Because I- I can’t hear myself think! There’s too much going on here; you’re asthmatic, you’re a robot. And why- what’s with the cape? Are we going to the opera? I don’t think so.

Larry: I’m sorry. Last time I checked, I thought we lived in a free country. So…
Brandon: No, we don’t.
Larry: No?
Brandon: It’s the United States of “Don’t Touch That Thing Right in Front of You.”

If You Liked This Movie, Try These:

Al does The Brave Little Toaster

Alan — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 09:28:10 +0000

“I really thought I’d turned in my warranty that time!”

The Scoop: 1987 NR, directed by Jerry Rees and starring Deanna Oliver, Jon Lovitz, and Timothy Stack

Tagline: Imagine if Your Toaster Went on a Journey of its Own!

Summary Capsule: Loving appliances hit the road in search of their long absent Master.

Al’s Rating: Hug your blender.

Al’s Review: I don’t like the idea of inanimate objects. It’s weird, but the thought of something simply existing with no thoughts or feelings or dreams and worries bothers me in a way I can’t quite describe. It just feels wrong. I prefer to imagine that the couch and the ottoman have conversations when I’m not around and that the kitchen creates its own messes. I’m one of those people who can’t pass a shoe on the side of the road without wondering where it’s going and I simply cannot throw out anything from my childhood that has a face. Luckily, my mother never had those scruples or I’d be up to my eyeballs in action figures.

So it seems like The Brave Little Toaster was made for me specifically, confirming all my deepest suspicions about my stuff having fun without me. Toaster, Lampy, Blanket, Radio, and Kirby (a vacuum) are five dated appliances living in a long-unused summer home. They spend their days keeping the place in order and lovingly dreaming about the day when The Master, a little redheaded boy, will come back and play with them. Unfortunately, tragedy strikes when a For Sale sign appears on the front lawn and a cranky air conditioner tells them that they have been abandoned forever. The appliances despair until Toaster decides that The Master must have simply forgotten them and that they need to travel to the Big City to track him down. With the help of a portable battery and a rolling desk chair, they brave forests, rivers, mudpits, thunderstorms, junk dealers, and worse in a bid to be remembered.

For a story about walking appliances, The Brave Little Toaster is one dark movie. Our characters get lost in the woods, get struck by lightening, are smashed to pieces, have freaky clown dreams, and witness the horror of being dissected for spare parts. Heck, I’m 27 and was squirming as they tried to scale cliffs and cross waterfalls. But that’s all balanced by some very sweet moments, too, like the Toaster trying to describe what it feels like to be nice to someone (”It’s like being next to a new loaf of bread!”) and the jealous, grumpy Air Conditioner tearing up when he finally gets some attention.

The voices are relative unknowns except for Jon Lovitz as Radio and Phil Hartman in a pair of minor roles, but they all do a good job bringing a lot of life and a lot of definition to their characters. Toaster is determined and brash, Blanket is immature and clingy, Kirby is grizzled and cantankerous; they are distinctions that the voices are able to sell in a way that the rest of the film simply can’t. The songs fall pretty flat (especially “The Cutting Edge” by the high-tech machines) and the animation isn’t quite Beauty and the Beast, but the movie does an admirable job nonetheless giving life to the world it’s created. There are some extremely impressive sequences throughout, including the aforementioned freaky clown dream, the junkyard sequence at the end, and a well-placed “Tutti Frutti” near the beginning, so I can’t get too down on them.

The Brave Little Toaster is a movie that was not a giant hit when it first came out and actually took two years to find a proper theatrical release, but it’s gathered a small, loyal fanbase and I definitely understand why. It obviously wasn’t made with the biggest budget, but its got a quirky style and unique voice that carry it over the rough patches and make it something really special for those of us who just can’t stomach another Disney princess.

Flying Toasters? I used to have that screansaver!

Didja Notice?

The movie is based on a novel? Who knew?
Toaster’s nickname is Slots? I like that.
Kirby is voiced by Thurl Ravenscroft, voice of Tony the Tiger?
Phil Hartman impersonating Jack Nicholson for the voice of Air Conditioner and Peter Lorre for the Hanging Lamp?
Radio tells them to head north by northwest, and to watch out for low-flying aircraft? Ha!
That clown is absolutely terrifying?
The “high tech” machines of 1987?

Is It Worth Staying Through The End Credits?

Nope.

Intermission!

The main cast is Los Angeles’ Groundling Group, comprised of Jon Lovitz, Timothy Stack, Timothy E. Day, Deanna Oliver, Thurl Ravenscroft, and ‘Phil Hartman’.

Groovy Quotes

Lampy: I really thought I’d turned in my warranty that time!

Ah, children's programming. Wonderful, wholesome children's... OH DEAR GOD!

Radio: Things could be worse you know.
Lampy: How?
Radio: How what?
Lampy: How could they be worse?
Radio: They couldn’t; I lied.

Blanket: Do we have to stop here?
Toaster: Only for a while.
Radio: Just long enough to lose our minds! We’ll be cannibals within a few days, I’ve seen it happen!
Kirby: And you’ll be the first to go, dial-face.

Radio: Why, if we were all wiener dogs, our problems would be solved.
Toaster: What?
Radio: Or maybe it was a basset hound.
Kirby: You’re *all* insane.

DVD Review

Disappointing. The video and audio transfers are pretty poor, and the only special feature is a poorly disguised advertisement for the sequels. But the fact that it’s on DVD at all is something to be cheered, so I’ll take what I can get.

If You Liked This Movie, Try These:

Toy Story
Beauty and the Beast
Rover Dangerfield

Courtney does Wall-E

Courtney — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 17:07:26 +0000

“Humans who put seeds in the ground pour water on them, and they grow food – like, pizza!”

The Scoop: 2008 G, directed by Andrew Stanton and starring Ben Burtt, Elissa Knight, and Jeff Garlin

Tagline: After 700 years of doing what he was built for – he’ll discover what he’s meant for.

Summary Capsule: Two robots, one distinctly female and the other just plain cute, fall in love while humanity gets lazier and lazier by the second.

Courtney’s Rating: Eagerly awaiting the inevitable Wall-E attraction at Disney World.

Courtney’s Review: I am not a huge Disney fan. Anyone who knows me can attest to that. I’m that chick whose always talking about how much better the world would be if children’s films didn’t promote stereotypes or provide shallow storylines. A big part of that is the fact that my family is very much Disney-obsessed, and being around all that magical goodness for two decades can really spoil the inner-child until it turns into a rotted, ironic version of itself. I have been desensitized, and therefore could have been perfectly happy living my whole life without ever having watched Pixar’s Wall-E. Perfectly happy, indeed.

But I would not have been a complete human being.

Okay, that sounds super corny. But it’s cool, ‘cause isn’t that what the Disney magic is all about?

Before I actually watched this movie, I thought I’d already figured it out. It was just a cheap attempt to make big bucks by introducing children to a saccharine love story involving an “adorable” character whose vocabulary is restricted to one word. Toss in a few fat-people gags for good measure. In a way, I guess I was correct, but when I actually did watch it, I was taken aback by its depth.

Knowing that most of the movie contained little to no dialogue, my expectation was that I’d be bored to death. Which is kind of why I watched it in the first place; I was flying home after my semester abroad, and I always have trouble sleeping on planes, so I thought a boring kids’ movie would lure me into a ten-hour coma. Fortunately (or unfortunately, however you wish to see it,) Wall-E proved to be far more interesting than I thought – so much so that I watched it a second time during the same flight.

What I thought was most awesome about it – and I absolutely love it when any movie is like this – was that it was incredibly entertaining and an intelligent piece of cinematic art. Because it works on these different levels, I can watch it while babysitting my neighbors’ kids or I can write a good 10-page analysis on it. And lord knows how much I love both of those! (The sad thing there is that I’m not being sarcastic. I actually do love babysitting and writing analytical papers…I usually don’t have a lot going on.)

The thing that’s frustrating right now is that I can’t quite figure out what was good and what was bad about the movie. I’m a little flummoxed – I think Pixar actually managed to balance everything so perfectly that it’s hard to say. I will let you know that anytime the humans were talking (like, using actual verbal language instead of delightful beeps and whirs,) I got bored. From a narrative perspective, it was a necessary sacrifice to take us out of the “silent film” thing. But I did want to fast-forward through all that and just watch Wall-E get himself into more hilarious predicaments with the evil robot.

Oh, and I really liked the OCD robot. He’s my favorite ever.

And because this is an animated movie, I’m going very easy on it for committing a crime I’d normally butcher a “legit” movie for. Like Lissa said, it’s not subtle. Like, at all. But then again, its target audience is about 7 years of age, and when I was that young, I didn’t know a darn thing about subtlety. Mickey, I grant you my forgiveness.

All I’m really trying to say here is that, despite my best efforts to hate on all things Disney-related, this was a genuinely beautiful movie. I even may have shed a tear or two, but it’s not like I’m gonna actually admit to that on the Internet. You have no proof!

And Peter Gabriel is at least 4 shades of awesome.

M-O: Like Roomba, but cuter. And more likely to clean your room.

Groovy Quotes

Voice in commercial: Too much garbage in your face? There’s plenty of space out in space! BnL StarLiners leaving each day. We’ll clean up the mess while you’re away.

Captain: AUTO! Earth is amazing! These are called “farms”. Humans who put seeds in the ground pour water on them, and they grow food – like, pizza!

Also check out Lissa’s, Drew’s, and Justin’s review of this film!

Lissa does City of Ember

Justin — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 13:44:51 +0000

“We stand united against the darkness.”

The Scoop: 2008 PG, directed by Gil Kenan and starring Bill Murray, Tim Robbins and Harry Treadaway

Tagline: Escape Is The Only Option

Summary Capsule: Two kids save their city and humanity when no adults will listen to them.

Lissa’s Rating: The costume people raided the old Battlestar Galactica wardrobes, I think.

Lissa’s Review: Fantasy gets a bad rap for some reason, especially among the movie-going public. Unless it’s preceded by Harry Potter and the…, fantasy movies almost always get lukewarm reviews. Oh, sure, you have your exceptions, like Pan’s Labyrinth. But in general, the critics and so many people just don’t like fantasy. Now, me, I love fantasy, so it’s only natural that I’m going to say what I say next: I just don’t get that. Why are magic and dragons and all that considered so much more unbelievable than the lifestyles on Sex In the City? Okay, maybe I can answer that, but why are fantasy novels deemed so irrelevant by so many people?

Well they are, and it’s a shame, because when a movie like City of Ember comes out, it gets lambasted as boring and trite, and really, I found it to be neither. I’m not saying it’s a work of cinematic genius, but I am saying that I really enjoyed it and would see it again in a heartbeat, as long as there was nothing else playing I wanted to spend money on. (Obligatory fantasy statement: I have not yet read the book, so I have no idea how loyal an adaptation it is.)

City of Ember takes place in an underground city after humanity has devolved into nuclear winter. It’s a pretty fascinating premise, and actually a little reminiscent of the Noah’s Ark idea I liked in Deep Impact. However, in the two hundred years that the survivors and their descendents have been down here, some things have gone wrong. For one, the city’s infrastructure is starting to go. But the bigger thing is the Escape Plan – and the whole reason for being down here in the first place – was lost when one of the Mayors of Ember died unexpectedly. But no one really knows that, since it was kept in a locked box, so the crumbling infrastructure (particularly the generator) is of more interest to the townspeople.

So, enter Doon Harrow (Harry Treadaway). Doon wants to work with the generator, but he has to accept the job he’s given. In a typical dystopian future society move, jobs are not selected but assigned. In this case, children pull them out of a hat. Doon is assigned the job of messenger, which he promptly swaps with his friend Lina (Saoirse Ronan) for a pipe worker’s job. As the two begin to fit themselves into their roles, they both happen across important clues for the survival of humanity. And of course there’s a villain who wants to stop them – Mayor Cole (Bill Murray, lazily doing a little scenery chewing).

What captivated me the most about City of Ember was the world that was created. I always like seeing worlds that have some grounding in our society, but have some interesting laws, structures, or stories born out of the circumstances. The film makers did a pretty seamless job introducing us to that world without too much clunky exposition. The city of Ember came to life quite nicely, and although I was left with some hanging questions that may or may not be cleared up in either the books or the sequels, they were minor and not too distracting. It was interesting to see how the people dealt with their dwindling resources, and I’ve gotta say, apocalyptic fiction with a bit of hope is always fun.

To be specific, I think one of the things that made City of Ember so appealing and human to me was Lina’s home situation. Like all good fantasy heroines, Lina is an orphan. However, instead of being fairly carefree or tied to an abusive family, Lina lives with her three year old sister and her grandmother, who seems to be succumbing to Alzheimer’s. The way Lina copes with that – and heck, even the situation – just made her very real to me.

'Look at the suckers. Hehe.'

The plot is somewhat predictable, yes, but I’m cynical enough these days to say so many movie plots are. You know how it will end, but how you get there… see, that’s where I think fantasy is underrated, because the hows have the potential to be so interesting. And in this case, they are. I mean, not completely unexpected, turn-on-your-head unexpected, but still pretty inventive and fun. It was the kind of thing where you can put your feet up and enjoy it and not recite the dialogue a half a beat before the characters do, but not watch on the edge of your seat, either.

If you are looking for swinging swords and lots of action, you’ll probably be disappointed. But I think that’s a fantasy stereotype, and one that’s often quite limiting. There isn’t a lot of action, but I don’t think there really needs to be. The exploration of this society and the implications that we’re left to ponder are interesting enough.

Loris Harrow is a little unclear on how microwaves work.

Didja Notice?

Costuming by old school Battlestar Galactica. Well, that’s what it made me think of, anyway.
Giant bugs. Yeach.
This is presumably set in the future. So what’s with the Cold War-style pamphlets? (Rhetorical. I get the symbolism.)
Bicycle powered answering machines!
Yarn. Lots of yarn.
See, girls? This is what desperation looks like. Just don’t go there, okay?
Can you imagine some of the messages Lina had to repeat? Really, that could be entertaining.

Is It Worth Staying Through The End Credits?

No.

Intermission!

‘Ember’ is a Hungarian word which means ‘man’ and ‘human’ in English.

Doon and Lina escape from Mordor.

Groovy Quotes

Mayor Cole: We stand united against the darkness.

Loris Harrow: If you want proof, you have to pursue it.

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