The Scoop: 2005, M, directed by Ron Oliver and starring Chad Allen, Sebastian Spence, and Jack Wetherall

Tagline: A gay detective who always gets his man.

Summary Capsule: A detective takes on an attempted murder case for a client he can’t stand, and opens more cans of worms than he ever thought he would.

Lissa’s Rating: That’s not Albany. Where’s the Egg?

Lissa’s Review: One of the points of MRFH is to bring those obscure, how-the-heck-did-you-find-that, I’ve-never-even-HEARD-of-it movies to light. The thing is, this can get exhausting, because so often those movies are obscure for a reason. And as much fun as a bad movie can be, sifting through the dust to find the diamonds can get old. Personally, I haven’t found a good one in ages, so I’ve forgotten how exciting it is to find a movie that no one’s ever heard of that you really enjoyed and then run out and tell everyone about it.

The movie is Third Man Out. It’s a made for TV Canadian movie based on the Richard Stevenson novel of the same name. It’s not my normal genre in that it’s a detective movie (of course, I couldn’t discover this one before Noir Week), but for some reason (aka Sebastian Spence), I watched it anyway.

Donald Strachey (played by Chris Allen) is a private detective living in Albany, New York with his partner Timmy (the aforementioned Spence). The fact that he’s gay – and the only gay PI in Albany, according to the movie – often gets him onto cases involving the gay community. In this case, he’s hired by John Rutka (Jack Wetherall), a journalist who runs a website forcibly outing gay men in positions of power. Donald despises his client and what he does for a living, but he needs the money and so he takes the case. What follows is a fairly entertaining, occasionally convoluted mystery where I didn’t guess the culprit until 5-10 minutes before they revealed it. And even though I’d guessed another aspect of the ending, when it happened, it still surprised me. Good stuff.

Although I’ve never been into mysteries, I’ve never been opposed to their existence. I just usually find them forgettable. This one I didn’t, largely thanks to the character of Donald Strachey and Chris Allen’s portrayal of him. Despite the fact this is a made-for-TV movie, they managed to get some real talent in Allen, and I really, really enjoyed his performance. Donald is flip, a little irreverent, a little bit of a jerk but in an endearing sort of way, self-aware, and has a very intriguing past which is explored more in the next movie, Shock to the System, which I fully intend on watching as soon as I can.

The other huge attraction for me was the relationship between Donald and Timmy. It is so, so rare in movies to find a couple – and I mean this about heterosexual couples, too – that go through a movie happy and supportive of each other. It wasn’t that they didn’t fight, because they did have a couple, normal-couple like arguments (Timmy really doesn’t like Donald taking the case, and then later their positions reverse). But usually when the couple are happy in a non-romance, one side of the couple gets shoved off to the side. In this case, I wouldn’t say that Timmy was an equal presence to Donald, but I would say that he deserved the second billing that he got. But more than that, watching these two… you could see why they considered themselves married (the legality of the situation is never addressed). They actually enjoy being with each other, they joke, they flirt, they bicker, and they understand each other. They were absolutely charming as a couple. And I very much enjoyed Sebastian Spence’s performance, although he kept reminding me of someone as I watched it. (I finally figured out that it was Sam Seaborn from West Wing.)

The big thing, however, about Third Man Out was that it got so, so freaking preachy at times. Oh wow. Not from Donald and Timmy, but from the character of John Rutka and the people associated with him. In certain ways, it made sense given that Rutka was meant to be a gay rights activist. It fit the character that he got preachy and passionate about his views. But for the most part, a lot of the movie was a bit light-hearted, and when you hit these scenes it was suddenly all anger and passion, and that made the preachy aspect stand out all the more. Plus, I thought they were trying to cram in as many issues as they could. I know that there are a lot of issues that the gay community faces and that people may or may not know about, but we don’t need to put every last one of them into the same movie. At times I felt like a cat watching a ping pong ball being tossed around the room, because they’d zip from issue to issue. Rutka annoyed me to no end, and I could very much see why Donald and Timmy just didn’t like him. I didn’t either. However, I hear that Shock to the System is much better about this, so I really look forward to watching that one.

The low production values also show, and of course, there are obvious spots for commercial breaks. The one thing that highly amused me about Chad Allen was that every now and then his Canadian accent would slip through. I don’t know if I would have been so amused, except I’m from the Albany area, and our accents are most definitely not Canadian. (By the way? That wasn’t Albany. Not just that it was filmed in Canada, but it wasn’t Albany. Although I imagine a non-Albany person would buy that it was just fine. It was weird how I didn’t.) Some of the acting definitely reflected the made-for-TV movie nature of this, although I found that was more in supporting parts.

Overall, though, I really, really enjoyed Third Man Out, and I’m glad to finally have a chance to review a movie I’d never really heard of, but can honestly recommend.

"We made it to the Mutants. Cheers!"

Didja Notice?

• Seriously, now that the Sam Seaborn similarities have entered my head, they just don’t go away.
• The Egg? Where’s the Egg? Seriously, I’m really stuck on the Albany thing here.
• Also? Definitely not Albany med. I’ve spent enough time in there to know. Although I suppose there are other hospitals in Albany.
• My little BSG actors game comes up with at least two- Sebastian Spence played the Pegasus Viper pilot Narcho, and Colin Lawrence (aka the very hot fireman) was Skulls.
• The Pyscho reference at the car lot.

Intermission

One of the things I found really interesting about this- although it might be a total coincidence- is the name of the politician Bruno Slinger. Bruno is a pretty big surname in Albany-area politics, with Joe Bruno being the biggest one I can think of. Joe Bruno was active in New York politics when Richard Stevenson wrote the novel, but a quick glance at Bruno’s Wikipedia page doesn’t suggest any obvious connection.

Groovy Quotes

Timmy Callahan: Oh good! So maybe you won’t feel obliged to destroy her and I’ll get to keep my job.

Donald Strachey: O-kay. Timmy, I think maybe you need to take Doctor Watson for a walk.
Timmy Callahan: I just did.
Donald Strachey: I think he needs to go again.
Timmy Callahan: Okay. Excuse me, while I out my dog for the good of us all.

Detective ‘Bub’ Bailey: Always that subtle, Donald?
Donald Strachey: No. Usually, they hit me.

Donald Strachey: [Whispered] Just go talk to him!
Timmy Callahan: [Whispered] Why can’t you do it?
Donald Strachey: [Whispered] Because the last time he saw me he tried to beat my brains in with a tire iron and he may want to finish the job! Just go!

If You Liked This Movie, Try These:

• Shock to the System
• LA Confidential
• The Talented Mr. Ripley

The Scoop: 2008 PG13, directed by Rian Johnson, starring Adrien Brody, Rachel Weisz, and Mark Ruffalo

Tagline: They’d never let the truth come between them

Summary Capsule: Two orphaned brothers bounce around and learn how to become the most benevolent con artists the world has ever been won over by

Kyle’s Rating: things remain status quo

Kyle’s Review: You have to understand that when I say that The Brothers Bloom is not half as cool a film experience as director Rian Johnson’s first work, Brick, I’m still being complimentary. Brick is the equivalent of a glorious, shining star of awesomeness, so “half” of that would still lay waste to every human being on Earth.

Therefore, though I’m all “Compared to Brick, The Brothers Bloom is like a hot steaming plate of ****ing ****ed ****” please understand that that is actually fairly high praise. Can you dig it?

The problem arises, especially among those who are as enamored with Brick as I am, in that The Brothers Bloom is a wholly different kind of animal. I could (and on occasion have) go on for days about the intricacies of the story and plotting of Brick; The Brothers Bloom is much more straightforward, almost surprisingly so. Though whereas Brick was probably the thing Johnson sweated and obsessed over throughout his academic career, The Brothers Bloom is an established work by a working professional. Not a hail mary to gain notice and accolades.

So far I sound somewhat negative, don’t I? Allow me to re-center: The Brothers Bloom is a tremendously fun film, predicated on the idea that while we all enjoy anti-hero grifter types, we especially enjoy grifter/con artists who take great pains to ensure the people getting conned end up happier and more content than they were before they were swindled. Such is the secret and glory of the brothers Bloom, who create cons so elaborate they survive in-film comparison to the convoluted plots of Russian novels, and seem much more concerned with dramatic endings than gaining any kind of money. Imagine The Game with less sinister undertones and a Raiders of the Lost Ark slant.

Spoiled by so many lesser, more slavishly-formulaic con film, I fully expected The Brothers Bloom is a work of insightful innovation to be sure . . . but also one that, regrettably though understandably, would feature a audience-friendly late twist that turned everything we thought we knew upside down. I don’t mean to be a spoiler, but let me say that the lack of such a twist was greatly appreciated. What you see in The Brothers Bloom is basically what you get; no Ocean’s Eleven-esque ‘Here’s what REALLY happened’ rewinding in the third reel. That’s a surprise in itself, yes?

Now I will clam up a bit. Being prepared for the straightforwardness of the story is one thing, but I’ll leave the little subsequent twists and turns of the plot for your enjoyment. Just know that the story, and the characters inhabiting it, remain true all-throughout the runtime, which is perhaps another amazing achievement for such a film. Adrien Brody, Mark Ruffalo, Rachel Weisz, and Rinko Kikuchi create a foursome I would love to see endless sequels of, if possible. The brothers Bloom and the women who love and understand them in their own way are some amazing characters; just as enjoyable in their happy quirks as Brick’s Brendan was in his moody determination. The cameos, a split-second for Joseph Gordon-Levitt and a tiny femme fatale scene for Nora Zehetner, were a wonderful little bonus for us Brick-fanatics. All the acting was spot-on, perfectly controlled by an accomplished director continuing to deliver on the promise shown by Brick.

I really can’t be complimentary enough. For either film, obviously. Brick is a pinnacle I can’t imagine being topped anytime soon, but The Brothers Bloom is a triumph worthy of attention as well. A lot of people tend to get turned off by the stylization of Brick; those people should find The Brothers Bloom a much easier film to understand and be entertained by. That’s not always a good thing, especially for a pretentious elitist such as myself, but in this case since quality storytelling is maintained, I have to say it’s all good!

The fact that it was a sunny day was in no way suspicious

Didja Notice?

• That’s really Rachel Weisz busting all kinds of mad skills in her intro scenes: Weisz learned how to play piano, violin, accordion, and break-dance, to juggle, do karate, play Ping-Pong, banjo, unicycle, and even skateboard for her role as Penelope.

Intermission

Tom Cruise is credited with special thanks in regards to the film due to his initial interest in the film that led to a lengthy 3 hour meeting with Rian Johnson. Cruise’s analysis of the script led to a few significant changes of the key elements of the script. As this meeting occurred precisely the same day Cruise’s company was taken off by Paramount, Rian felt this was a more than generous act on Cruise’s behalf. However, due to scheduling conflicts as well as other factors, Cruise could never be a serious consideration for one of the lead roles.

The three main characters are based on characters from James Joyce’s Ulysses (which in turn is based on Homer’s Odyssey). Stephen is based on Stephen Daedalus, who was a writer in two of Joyce’s novels; in The Brothers Bloom, he treats cons as stories to be written. Bloom is based on Leopold Bloom who is wandering around Dublin, trying to find himself and his way back to his wife, Penelope. In The Brothers Bloom, Bloom does not who he truly is, so he is figuratively lost. Ultimately, he finds his way to Penelope. In The Odyssey, Penelope is Odysseus’ wife who is waiting for him through all of his travels; in the same way, Penelope waits for Bloom in all of his wanderings.

If You Liked This Film, Try These:

• Brick

• Ocean’s Eleven
• The Sting

The Scoop: 1987 R, directed by Alan Parker, starring Mickey Rourke, Robert DeNiro and Lisa Bonet

Tagline: Harry Angel has been hired to search for the truth… pray he doesn’t find it.

Summary Capsule: If we were to combine Noir Week and Stephen King Week, this is the film we’d review.

Drew’s Rating: Don’t tell your parents, but this movie just took your mind’s virginity. And it wasn’t gentle.

Drew’s Review: I’m not usually one for buying into signs. It’s not that I don’t have a spiritual side, I just tend to think a lot of the coincidences we encounter in life are just that- coincidences. But when, within the course of a week, I encountered references to a movie I’d never heard of from two completely different sources, I figured maybe, just maybe, the universe was trying to nudge me in the direction of my next review. I’m glad I listened.

It’s 1955 and Harry Angel (Mickey Rourke) is a dick — that’s private detective to you — who’s just been retained by a mysterious gentleman named Louis Cyphre (Robert DeNiro). It seems Johnny Favorite, a popular crooner from the ’40s, owed an unspecified debt to Cyphre only to disappear in the wake of World War II. Naturally Cyphre would like him found if he’s still alive, so Harry is on the case, one that will take him from the grimy streets of Brooklyn to the haunting tapestry that is New Orleans. The main problem along the way is that every lead Harry meets with seems to turn up dead immediately after. His only chance to clear his name is to find Favorite, who all signs point toward having been a real S.O.B., and hope that doing so brings some answers. And it just might at that, but will they be answers Harry wants to hear?

Rather than dancing around the issue, let’s confront it head on: Angel Heart has a unique ending, one that I’m going to take pains not to spoil. Naturally you can head right over to Wikipedia to check it out, but I’d advise against it… this is the type of reveal that carries more weight when experienced firsthand. That said, the rest of the movie does a nice job of building up to it, creating a slowly mounting sense of dread until everything erupts in the denouement. For all his occasional wisecracks, Rourke does well in making Harry Angel seem like a pretty bleak guy at his core, never fully connecting to the people with whom he interacts. He’s entertaining without being overwhelmingly likable, a noir trademark. Speaking of which, the character is actually shown to be a pretty good detective, whether it’s wiping down everything he touched after finding a dead source (simple, but so often overlooked), or deducing that a transfer order was doctored because ballpoint pens didn’t exist in 1943.

Of course, for all his underrated talent, Rourke can’t carry the movie alone, and he’s fortunate that DeNiro is on board to play off of. Ol’ Bobby D (he likes when I call him that) takes a character who could easily be viewed as over the top and instills him with an air of subtle but constant menace. The fingernails are a bit much, but otherwise Cyphre just seems like a soft-spoken man whom it’s clear you Do Not Want To Mess With. As for Epiphany Proudfoot… well, it helps the character that Lisa Bonet always seems a bit wispy to me. I don’t mean physically, but even when she’s talking, she gives off this slightly disengaged vibe like she’s really thinking about some dream she had last night, y’know? As such, it’s an inspired casting choice for Epiphany, and I guess my only criticism is that I don’t really feel the chemistry between her and Harry.

At least, not until that one infamous scene, and I don’t think it’s spoiling much to mention that the sex scene between Harry and Epiphany is not just graphic (read: don’t watch with your mom around), but also freaky as hell. You’ll probably be turned on in the early stages, but if your engine’s still running by the end, I’d consider seeking professional help. It’s also fitting, as Harry’s frantic, um, movements underscore the fact that we’re rapidly approaching the film’s climax, and by this point you’re hopefully as eager for resolution to the case as Harry himself is.

It’s sometimes hard to know what to make of genre-crossing films because they have to be judged by two sets of criteria. Angel Heart is more noir than horror in that we see the aftermath of deaths rather than watching them occur in front of us. Still, there is definite psychological terror building throughout and (spoiler!) even a little supernatural flavor before all’s said and done. In that vein, I’m sad to report that limited 1980’s technology lends just a whiff of cheesiness to an otherwise truly satisfying conclusion. Nonetheless, it’s a movie that will leave you feeling entertained, if more than a bit disturbed. Assuming you’re a fan of detective fiction and/or horror, you owe it to yourself to find out what happened to Johnny Favorite.

That seems like a recipe for splinters in some uncomfortable places.

Didja Notice?

• Angel Heart is based on the novel “Falling Angel” by William Hjortsberg.
• Harry can be quite the charmer when he wants to be.
• Louis Cyphre is, ah, not exactly subtle in advertising himself.
• What kind of cop brings a child into a room where his mother is lying dead?

Is It Worth Staying Through The End Credits?

Yes – the credits are interspersed with brief scenes showing the final fate of Johnny Favorite.

Intermission!

Lisa Bonet received negative backlash for her portrayal of Epiphany Proudfoot, particularly her graphic sex scene, as at the time she was a cast member on the family-friendly The Cosby Show. That… is not a family-friendly love scene, is all I’ll say. In fact, they had to trim some of it to get an “R” rating.

Groovy Quotes

Harry: I gotta find Johnny Goldentonsils, we don’t know where he is, he probably doesn’t know who he is. I got a geriatric band leader at a home in Harlem, I got a guitar player called Toots Sweet. What else I got?
Connie: A hard-on.

Harry: Listen, what do you do around here in the summertime?
Izzy: I bite the heads off of rats.
Harry: What do you do in the winter?
Izzy: Same.

Epiphany: Hey, what are you after him for? Johnny Favorite?
Harry: I’m not really after him. I’m just being paid to find out where he is.
Epiphany: He could be six feet under.
Harry: Then I’ll have to buy a shovel.

Toots: I remember Spider. He used to play them drums like two jackrabbits [screwin'].

Harry: How did he die?
Cop: Technically? Asphyxiation by his own genitalia.
Harry: But not so technically?
Cop: Somebody cut his [manhood] off, stuffed it in his mouth and choked him to death.

Cyphre: They say there’s just enough religion in the world to make men hate one another, but not enough to make them love.

Cyphre: Are you an atheist?
Harry: Yes, I am. I’m from Brooklyn.

Cyphre: Alas. How terrible is wisdom when it brings no profit to the wise.

Cyphre: However cleverly you sneak up on a mirror, your reflection always looks you straight in the eye.

If You Liked This Movie, Try These:

• Silent Hill
• Sin City
• Jacob’s Ladder

The Scoop: 2008 R, directed by Lexi Alexander, and starring Ray Stevenson, Dominic West and Julie Benz.

Tagline: Vengeance has a name.

Summary Capsule: Ex-Special Forces instructor–not FBI agent–living in New York–not Miami–turns blood-soaked vigilante after his family is murdered by the mob.  Chunks ensue.

Kaleb’s Rating: True fact: The human body cannot be exploded into more than eleven pieces.

Kaleb’s Review: As one of the five people on the planet who thought that 2004’s Punisher was actually kind of okay, I felt sort of duty-bound to check out the frankly*-worse-looking Punisher: War Zone, and see if it could ascend to, or even surpass the lofty marginally-worth-watching-once heights of its predecessor.

The Ninja Turtles... um... left.

So did it make the cut?  Eh… kind of.  (Yeah, like there was any chance I was going to give a straight answer this early on.  Or… ever.)

Before we continue, I must pause and mention that there will be no vacky side-story about the misadventures surrounding my acquisition of the DVD, or some silly occurence that happened in the real world during the movie’s viewing that was strangely relevant to it.  Sorry, I didn’t plan it that way, but the rental and perusal of this film stands as one of the most uncharacteristically-smooth experiences of my life thus far.  I promise I’ll make up for it with my next two reviews, okay?

Also different this time ’round is the lack of a plot synopsis; and it goes without saying that I am as giddy as a little schoolgirl as a result.  Trust me, this is no dereliction on my part.  The plot is mecha-irrelevant, ergo, no synopsis needed.  And I don’t want to hear any crying about it, lest I should feel compelled to make numerous empty threats.

Okay then!  Getting down to the nitty and/or gritty: The best way I can describe Warzone concisely is to say that it’s basically Punisher ‘04 with its boo-boos made all better.  This sounds like a good thing right now, and it is, but it’s a highly-specialized good thing, which I will get back to later.

A chilling illustration of the perils of cat ownership.

One of the most oft-recurring complaints I heard regarding Punisher ‘04–in fact, second only to “It sucks because it sucks!” followed by a punch to the throat–was that it spent way too much time on backstory and character establishment, and way too little time on mobsters undergoing bullet-saturation therapy.

Solved.  The opening scene is a mafia party-crash, contingent of more mayhem than the previous film’s finale, and itself a pee-wee when standing next to this film’s final blast-fest, which features Frank vs. pretty much every banger and biker thug and Yakuza** in New York.  (The normal mafia is largely non-participatory, on account of most of them being dead already, and the Russian mob runs interference for the good guys, oddly enough.)

Verily, there be many a splootching head and kneecap in between as well, all the talking and feelings and sissy crap like that is kept to a minimum, and the pivotal Central Park massacre that killed Frank Castle and gave the Punisher birth is condensed to a thirty-second (if that) flashback.  It’s as though the movie’s saying, “Okay, do you get why he is the way he is?  We good?  Excellent; we now return you to your regularly scheduled violence.”

If I may contribute a personal beef with Punisher ‘04; I always thought Thomas Jane was just a touch too pretty and small for the role.  “Hey, where’s the raw-boned rugged scariness and the scowling and the perpetual five o’clock shadow?” asked I.  The answer?  Ray Stevenson had been hoarding them all in his cupboard for a rainy day.

I don’t want to say anything that will make any of you–or, well, me–uncomfortable, but this dude can be my Punisher anytime.  He just seems to fit the role really well.  I don’t think he’s quite as cut as Jane, but he does seem to be a bit taller and wider-framed, which helps a ton, and also directly addresses my other qualm.  See, my first significant exposure to the Punisher franchise came in the form of the PS2 game, and as such, I spent the entirety of the ‘04 movie thinking to myself, “Y’know, I’m not entirely convinced that he’s beefy enough to heft a grown man up off the ground and impale him on the tusk of a mounted elephant head.”  It’s a fairly minor quibble, but it’s nice to have it addressed.

Yeah, this scene really does happen.

Aside from the fact that it just isn’t really that great of a movie overall (once again, further qualification is required, and shall be given later), my only major stewpot lies with the at-times atrocious special effects.  With all of the mighty powers that I don’t actually possess, I hereby place a stricture on using CG blood effects, henceforth into perpetuity.  Give me squiberty, or give me death!

I’m reminded in particular of a scene where Jigsaw stabs a Russian mobster in the throat, and this ridiculous cartoon blood comes shooting out, and I think to myself, “Well, I guess it’s a good thing that guy died, since he obviously didn’t belong in this dimension anyway.  Although it’s erroneous to say that he ‘died’ in the traditional sense, and he should in fact be coming to, safe and sound in the Magical Fairy Gumdrop Kingdom, even as we speak.”

Also, although I previously mentioned that the action has been beefed up substantially, it seems like more still could’ve been done.  As it sits, its as though the movie is streaking across the football field, but wearing a hat so as not to be thought immodest.  C’mon, War Zone!  You’re already outlandishly violent!  Why not go for nightmarishly?

I figured it up, and I think if you lay all of the action segments end-to-end, you wind up with about forty-five minutes of exit-woundy good times; which sounds like a lot, until you consider that it leaves another forty-five minutes wherein no one is getting knifed in the skull.  Pretty cheap, Conehead.

Hate to sound like I’m hunched over with a scrap of flesh hanging out of my mouth, growling “more…”, but I guess that is kind of what’s happening.  Tra la la!!  I’m a bloodthirsty creep!

And as long as I’m waving my cane… come over here, War Zone.  Have a sit-down.  It’s time you and I had the naughty word talk.  Now now, don’t get ahead of me.  It’s not that I’m one of those people for whom profanity rather strangely and comically and altogether inexplicably causes literal physical pain (Hi Mom!  Hi Dad!), or that I’m even at all averse to a strategically-placed F-whistler hither and thither to liven things up, but what you’re doing is more like carpet bombing.

Look, you can’t marinate your dialogue in extraneous filth in the hopes of endearing yourself to the mouth-breathers, because… well, because that’s exactly what will happen, but just don’t, okay?

Oh, and yeah, I totally realize that my glee over violence and subsequent getting-all-uptight over profanity serves as a sobering example of our society’s hideously-skewed SHUT UP, HIPPIE!  You have deftly brought to light my deplorable hypocrisy, okay?  Good job.  Have yourself a well-deserved cookie.

In conclusion, your mileage will vary vastly depending on your expectations.  If you’re looking for a well-crafted Action/Crime Drama flick that can stand on its own merits as a member of those genres, and go toe-to-toe quality-wise with any of its contemporaries… yeah, you’d best just keep on a-ridin’.  Moreso if you aren’t keen on the idea of a movie that has one foot in Horror as well.  On the other hand, if you’re looking for a comic book in motion; something to munch popcorn to until your appetite gives out from all the gore… eh, sadly, you could probably still do better.

If, however, you are a Punisher fan, by all means give it a go.  And if you disliked the previous film for any of the reasons I mentioned, than this one is more or less custom-tailored for you.***

Alternatively, if you just want to be inundated with lots and lots and lots of hamburgery, sprayful carnage, that works too.

*Pun?

**Or possibly Triads; I’m sorry, I honestly can’t tell the difference.

***In particular, the fact that the original origin story is adhered to should silence your engraged fanboy keening.****

****No it won’t.

Shyah, bulletproof turtlenecks are, like, so five minutes ago.

Didja Notice?

• How Looney Bin Jim is strangely likeable?
• How disappointingly unceremonious Looney Bin Jim’s death is?
• Budiansky’s reaction to Castle’s impromptu arrest-alternative is rather hilarious (see video).
• Flashback notwithstanding, and also discounting the white Death’s Head on his vest (which you should, because it’s very, very dim), Castle is never seen wearing anything not-black.
• Is adorning an insane asylum with gargoyles supposed to help calm the patients?

Is It Worth Staying Through The End Credits?

Nah.

Groovy Quotes

Budiansky: “Which drawer?”
Soap: “What?”
Budiansky: “The alleged Punisher murders.”
Soap: “…All of them.”

Looney Bin Jim: “You look fantastic, brother.”

LBJ: “Did you know kidneys and applesauce are a delicacy in Sweden?  Did you know that?
Yes… yummy yummy yummy in my tummy tummy tummy.”

Angie: “Step the f__k away from my little girl.”
Grace: “Mom… that’s a dad word…”

Micro: “Let him go, Frank.”
Frank: “You know this piece of s__t?”
Micro: “Ex-piece of s__t.”
Frank: “Yeah, he’s a regular choir boy.”
Carlos: “F__k you, cracker.”
Micro: “Language!”

LBJ: “Evenin’ officers.”
Cop: “Is everything okay in there?”
LBJ: “No… everything is not okay.”

Budiansky: “You mind explaining to me how a handcuffed criminal escapes custody from the back
of your locked car?”
Soap: “That Castle’s a slippery one.”

LBJ: “Reeowr.”

LBJ: “Hey, I “axe”d you a question!  You don’t answer, guess I’ll have to “axe” it again!”

Budiansky: “Interesting choice for a meeting place.  Didn’t take you as a religious man,
Castle.”
Frank: “Yeah well… an eye for an eye.”
Budiansky: “If I remember right, they’re not called the Ten Suggestions.”

Soap: “Now I’ve got brains splattered all over me!”

Father Mike: “Why do you do this?”
Frank: “Somebody has to punish the corrupt.”
Father Mike: “‘…for in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure
you use, it will be measured to you.”
Frank: “Matthew… 7:2.  I’m okay with that.”

Bonus Features! (Warning: All but the GA trailer carry the Icky label.)

General Audiences trailer.

Red Band trailer.

Best?  Debatable.  A fine showcase for the crappy CGi I mentioned earlier?  Absolutely.

If You Liked This Movie, Try These:

• The Punisher
• Rambo (2007)
• Death Wish(es) one through seventeen.