The Scoop: 2009 PG-13, directed by Stephen Sommers and starring Christopher Eccleston, Channing Tatum and Sienna Miller

Tagline: When All Else Fails, They Don’t

Summary Capsule: G.I. Joe gets the boot… a reboot, with Destro trying to eat all the metal in the world and Duke joining the Joes for the first time (wait, isn’t he supposed to be the leader?).

Kyle’s Rating: If I hadn’t walked out of the theater at 1 a.m. I would have ran right to the store for some G.I. Joe action figures!

Kyle’s Review: I’m pretty sure your enjoyment of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra will be heavily predicated upon your personal history of play with the iconic G.I. Joe line of toys. If your immediate response to that is “I never played with them!” feel free to ignore both this review and the film itself; it’s not so much you don’t deserve to enjoy either as it is I can’t imagine there being much entertainment there for you. I personally had fun with the film, though I never intend to see it again. But I don’t see why a weak action film in the vein of The Mummy and Van Helsing would hold any interest for you if you never cared enough to at least buy a Snake Eyes figure that came with Timber.

While I respect Justin’s opinion, I don’t necessarily agree with his analysis of certain pop culture legacies being defined primarily by their cinematic incarnations. If anything, more and more people are aware of the fact that the movie versions tend to be total bastardizations of the source material, and are willing to take advantage of sales and cheap prices on DVDs and reissued/re-imagined toys to see just what all the fuss was about in the first place with things like Transformers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and now GI Joe. The crappy movie adaptations are gateway drugs to the original material, not definitive capstones.

Regarding the film, though: you could have thrown darts at random choose-your-own-adventure plot twists pinned to a wall and arranged your hits in any order to come up with a more intriguing story than what ROC here gives us. Stephen Sommers has proven time and time again he can start up a story that dutifully follows an action-packed straight line from beginning to end credits, but has never displayed any sort of playful deviation or nuance that would render such a work memorable. You can follow who is who, dialogue and actions make it painfully obvious who is good and who is bad, and any potential subtext gets utterly drowned in pyrotechnics and declarative dialogue. This is not a subtle film in the slightest, nor does it require much in the way of brain processing. For being a film that is supposed to kick off a film series, supposed to leave us at the end wondering just what the nascent Cobra organization is planning to achieve next, I’m not sure many theatergoers are leaving showings looking forward to a sequel. Or even the DVD release of this one, for that matter.

Not to be anti-American, but when I was playing with my GI Joes, some funny things tended to happen. Namely, the forces of Cobra won more often than not. The world was never enslaved, and all prisoners were freed and reclaimed, but Cobra usually fulfilled their objectives despite Joe resistance. That is, they managed to procure the big missiles, destroy the Joe’s base of operations, and secure the downstairs leather couch as their domain. My Joes were battle-savvy and determined, but Cobra was just way more wild with their strategy and willing to risk everything to ever be completely defeated. Plus, hooded Cobra Commander, the Baroness, and Destro were clearly the biggest brains on the playing field; no Joe other than Snake Eyes could hope to compete with their far-reaching plans, and even Snake Eyes’ lightning wit pertained more to wits in hand-to-hand combat than grand strategies.

No film version, especially in these times, is going to be so cavalier and allow Cobra to maintain the upper hand for the majority of the running time. I suppose there is a touch of wish fulfillment in seeing G.I. Joe as a global strikeforce with a massive technological marvel of a home base, indicating a world where at least the best of the best are able to work across borders and stereotypes to strive for a better world. But again, Sommers is not the director who can infuse a film with the silver lining of such an implication, nor is he adept enough to balance or overshadow such an idea with the looming world-dominating threat Cobra can and should present. It would be an interesting film where Cobra is constantly on the verge of either taking over the world or destroying it, and GI Joe is the only thing just barely keeping them in check. But this one is not that in the slightest, and I can’t imagine us getting a (at least live-action) such film anytime soon. Our only hope: a new animated series or direct-to-DVD extravaganza! Here’s hoping!

Didja Notice?

• To “weaponize” a nanite warhead means to shoot it with lasers until it becomes glowy.  It’s pretty much like throwing a burrito into a microwave.
• What can a huge fat Bhudda guy teach anybody about being a ninja?  Apparently not much, since he gets stabbed by a six-year-old.
• If your team gets arrested by the French police, then you might as well disband as a unit.  There’s no going back after that point.
• This movie needs to cut ALL of its flashbacks, thankyouverymuch.
• Am I the only one who thought the advanced COBRA guns shot like the Stormtroopers’ blasters set on stun from A New Hope?  Am I that geeky?
• Brendan Fraser!
• Guess Cover Girl wasn’t slated for the sequel…

Groovy Quotes

General Hawk: Technically, we don’t exist. We answer to no one. And when all else fails, we don’t.

Duke: Ok, that was crazy… What happened to you?
Ripcord: I went through the train. What happened to you?
Duke: I jumped over it.
Ripcord: [pause] You can do that?

If You Liked This Movie, Try These:

• G.I. Joe: The Movie
• G.I. Joe PSAs
• Transformers

“Make the call.”

The Scoop: 2009 PG-13, directed by Stephen Sommers and starring Christopher Eccleston, Channing Tatum and Sienna Miller

Tagline: When All Else Fails, They Don’t

Summary Capsule: G.I. Joe gets the boot… a reboot, with Destro trying to eat all the metal in the world and Duke joining the Joes for the first time (wait, isn’t he supposed to be the leader?).

Justin’s Rating: The other half of the battle are really big lips.  Tell no one!

Justin’s Review: First things first: if at no point during a film does the panicked phrase “COBRA retreat!” spout from any enemy’s mouth, it’s not a G.I. Joe movie.  It may walk like a Joe, squawk like a Joe, but it’s an imposter Joe at the core.  Not to say that Stephen Sommers didn’t make the most of a promising franchise revival in G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, because for a bad film, it’s actually fairly watchable – and it has enough Joe qualities in it to keep the hardcore fans from rioting outright.  And it teaches us new things about ice, such as the fact that it sinks if it’s big enough!  Whoda thunk it?

Like many a geek who grew up loving various cartoon and movies in the 80’s, I’m a mixture of appalled and attracted to Hollywood’s neverending attempt to refashion them into a lucrative revival for today’s audiences.  Attracted because, hey, it harkens us back to our youth and gives us hope that this will be a worthy entry into something started long ago.  Appalled because it almost never is – Michael Bay has absolutely ruined Transformers, bringing it to the lowest common denominator, and Summers uses the same overloud, overbusy action direction to cover up for what is a pretty flimsy story.

G.I. Joe is now a worldwide special forces unit (I guess they’re not the “real American heroes” any longer…) with crazy amounts of highly advanced technology, who have been formed to be the “best of the best, etc., we’re so awesome we crap perfection”.  There’s also a ninja – which comes standard in every military outfit these days – who has a mask with lips because there’s nothing more disturbing than thinking that the person behind the mask has lips so big the mask had to be deformed to accommodate.  They also have a base that’s so over-the-top ridiculous – it has a pool large enough to accommodate practice submarine warfare in the middle of the Sahara desert, I kid you not – that James Bond is flat-out green with envy.

It’s a good thing that a weapons manufacturer (Christopher Eccleston) and his Cobra cronies have constructed an equally large and impractical base – this one below the polar ice cap – so that the Joes have someone to play with.  Cobra invades the Joe base, the Joes respond in kind, and in the middle of all this is a whole lot of passing and interception of a weapons case carrying metal-eating nanites.

Our entrance into this insane world of Joes is relatively normal military guys Duke and Ripcord, and I must warn you that a Wayans brother plays one of these roles.  Prepare to feel an involuntary shudder flash up your spine.  The two troopers more or less get recruited by the Joes and pulled into their petty squabbles amid $5.6 trillion of military hardware.  Rocket packs, laser guns, VTOL planes, and, of course, the infamous “accelerator suits”, which I suppose were fashioned because Stephen Sommers wanted to appeal to the Halo crowd.

The Joes are reduced to a feature-friendly half-dozen: Hawk, Scarlett, Snake Eyes, Heavy Duty (yeah, I never heard of him either), and Breaker.  For its part, COBRA is even less staffed: they have Storm Shadow (the “other” ninja, because ninjas always fight in pairs), Cobra Commander, Destro, Zartan and the Baroness.  COBRA also has a lot of nanite-controlled faceless soldiers, but alas, no BATs (that’s “Battle Android Trooper” for you G.I. Joe neophytes).

I’ve got to say, I am beyond tired of two of the most common tropes in these good guys/bad guys films.  The first is when a good guy turns out to be a bad guy who betrays them all, and the second is when a bad guy who spends 97% of the film being evil suddenly turns to good right before the end credits.  If you’re good, be good.  If bad, be bad.  None of this namby-pamby team-changing nonsense.  G.I. Joe commits both of these sins within its two hour running time.

What pretty much all of these revival films completely miss is that these franchises actually had depth, and story, and characterization in their source material.  It wasn’t just about toys and blue lasers and explosions (although those were fun), but about Cobra Commander’s unending hissy fits, the insane amounts of crazy vehicles the Joes had at their disposal, and the slew of terrific military-themed soldiers who brought their particular expertise to the battlefield.  Dumbing them down to this level leaves you with a clear, distilled experience that has no body, no flavor, no aftertaste.  It’s just there and gone, asking you to take gulp after gulp in hopes that something might stick.

What’s the most frustrating thing for real fans of these franchises is that movies end up being the definitive legacy that’s remembered in the minds of most everyone else – not the books or the comics or the TV shows.  X-Men will always be “that movie with Halle Berry”, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles will always recall visions of Vanilla Ice, and Transformers will be about robot cars trying to molest Megan Fox.  That’s it.

That said, just about two-thirds of this film consists of action sequences, so if you just need to shut your brain off and watch characters shoot, kick, slice and explode their way to victory, then this is the fast food equivalent to sate your hunger.  At the very least, I expect to be able to follow the action in an action movie, and the cuts and special effects are certainly done well enough to make that the case here.  It’s not particularly memorable, clever or funny (the previews before the film made us laugh more than the forced attempts at humor here), but it’s not nearly as bad as the whole anti-Joe hype made it out to be.

"I'm player one!" "Forget you, I'M player one!"

Didja Notice?

• To “weaponize” a nanite warhead means to shoot it with lasers until it becomes glowy.  It’s pretty much like throwing a burrito into a microwave.
• What can a huge fat Bhudda guy teach anybody about being a ninja?  Apparently not much, since he gets stabbed by a six-year-old.
• If your team gets arrested by the French police, then you might as well disband as a unit.  There’s no going back after that point.
• This movie needs to cut ALL of its flashbacks, thankyouverymuch.
• Am I the only one who thought the advanced COBRA guns shot like the Stormtroopers’ blasters set on stun from A New Hope?  Am I that geeky?
• Brendan Fraser!
• Guess Cover Girl wasn’t slated for the sequel…

Groovy Quotes

General Hawk: Technically, we don’t exist. We answer to no one. And when all else fails, we don’t.

Duke: Ok, that was crazy… What happened to you?
Ripcord: I went through the train. What happened to you?
Duke: I jumped over it.
Ripcord: [pause] You can do that?

If You Liked This Movie, Try These:

• G.I. Joe: The Movie
• G.I. Joe PSAs
• Transformers

“Just be out there in it, you know? In the wild.”

The Scoop: 2007 R, directed by Sean Penn and starring Emile Hersch, Marcia Gay Harden and Catherine Keener

Tagline: Your great adventure on Alaska.

Summary: Young man disconnects from society and plunges himself into a series of wilderness adventures.

Justin’s Rating: Stupid!  You’re so stuuuupid!

Justin’s Review: The question is, was Christopher McCandless a stupid, stupid man… or a man of courageous nature who had the audacity to reject society in a very consumerist age?  Alaskans tend to say the first, but Into The Wild makes a strong case for the second.  No one disputes that he was willful and apparently fearless.  In any case, what’s done is done, and his unfortunate tragedy is a matter of public record.

But it still makes for fascinating viewing.

In 1992, McCandless (played here by Emile Hirsch) was dropped off in the middle of the Alaskan wilderness for a self-appointed “odyssey” away from it all.  He was woefully unprepared in both gear and knowledge for the trek, but that didn’t deter him from striking out into nature, with civilization receding far behind him.  He found a broken down bus to live in, some game to eat, and all the time in the world to think and write.  While he didn’t come back (I figure public accounts like this are the exception to the “no spoiler” policy, but I won’t go into details), he did leave behind a four-month journal of his thoughts, activities and dreams.  Enough for a movie, I suppose.

Backed by a kickin’ Eddie Vedder soundtrack, Into the Wild begins with McCandless’ first steps into the Alaskan bush, then flashes back to the past, to trace his steps from the last days of high school to this very moment.  It turns out that this wasn’t the first odyssey he undertook, as the restless man crossed the continent in search of something that wasn’t fulfilled by money, relationships or success.  Maybe he found it in the end.  Maybe he was just a stupid idiot, an example for what Boy Scouts should not be.

Like other semi-historical films where you know the ending, the journey is all you really have to look forward to.  Hirsch does a terrific job as the intense (but sometimes intensely askew) McCandless, especially when he is called on to do a one-man show, all alone in the wild.

While traveling Alaska is a dream of mine, I don’t think I’d ever consider going to such extremes as this guy, but it is a fascinating mind exercise to mull over.  What would it be like, really, to ditch everything, burn your wallet on the road, and simply fall off of civilization’s radar, even if only for a few months?  Dangerous, yes, and maybe the time of your life.

"Uh... hello? Anyone going to fix this bus? Give it wheels? Hello?"

Didja Notice?

• The role of Jim Gallien, the Alaskan who gave Chris the rubber boots in the opening scene, is played by the real Jim Gallien.

Intermission!

• Emile Hirsch lost 40 pounds to play this role.  He also didn’t use any stunt doubles.
• The production made four separate trips to Alaska in order to film during different seasons.

Groovy Quotes

Christopher McCandless: Some people feel like they don’t deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past.

Christopher McCandless: Mr. Franz, I think careers are a 20th century invention and I don’t want one.

Christopher McCandless: No, man. Alaska, Alaska. I’m gonna be all the way out there, all the way fucking out there. Just on my own. You know, no f**king watch, no map, no axe, no nothing. No nothing. Just be out there. Just be out there in it. You know, big mountains, rivers, sky, game. Just be out there in it, you know? In the wild.

If You Liked This Movie, Try These:

• Without a Paddle

“Did I know that I just met the most dangerous dark wizard of all time? No.”

The Scoop: 2009 PG, Directed by David Yates and starring Daniel Raddcliffe, Rupert Grint and Emma Watson

Tagline: Once again I must ask too much of you, Harry.

Summary Capsule: Young wizard learns about evil guy’s past while his friends get all caught up in teen hormones. And somebody dies. Based on some book you might have heard of.

Justin’s Rating: Love in a time of witchcraft and wizardry

Justin’s Review: I’m currently operating under the theory that there are a couple different versions of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. There’s the Good Version, floating out there somewhere, that takes the best qualities of the book and binds them into a terrific film.  And then there’s the version we got, the Daytime Emmy Version, crafted for soap opera fanatics who wanted a tale heavy on the sap and light on the spells.  Seriously, a little romance is well and good for the soul, but HP6 goes overboard with what can only be described as a sitcom-style bumbling of lips, meaningful glances and thinly-guised pining (for the fjords).  This comes, of course, at the cost of removing the weight of what the story wants to be, because you can’t have all of the characters bemoaning how terrible the world is now that the Dark Lord is on the move while at the same time batting eyes at each other and making kissy faces.

Ugh.

My wife, who in the space of a week after seeing the fifth movie, devoured all seven Potter novels (in a week, mind you), joined the ranks of the “That was NOTHING like the book” club that roams the internet countryside.  And I can’t blame her.  While The Half-Blood Prince wasn’t close to my favorite of the series, the movie version squanders what it did have going for it – a growing sense of dread, characters who make decisions that literally shape their lives, and a finale that rends the world of Hogwarts asunder.  Instead: kissy faces!  Oh!  And love potions!  Note passing!  There’s also an entire scene devoted to dessert eating.

More than anything, HP6 is filler and setup, setting the stage for the seventh book without contributing much of a tale of its own.  The mandatory Big Clues are lobbed at us, but the smaller elements go amiss.

Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived To Be A Pain In The Butt For All Who Call Him “Friend”, returns to Hogwarts for another year of laughs and giggles.  There’s a new professor – Slughorn – who Dumbledore brings on staff so that Harry can play a clumsy con game with, but for the most part the year is spent lurching from scene to scene without a greater sense of purpose.  Harry finds an old potions textbook that allows him to excel in the course; Ron gains the attention of a hormonally overcharged harpy; and Hermione exists so that teenagers can realize what a hottie Emma Watson is becoming (oh, sorry, did I call you out on that?).

It’s not a horrible movie by any means, and not even at the bottom of the Harry Potter filmography, but there is definitely something missing from director David Yates’ latest outing.  Many somethings, actually.  For a movie that’s about magic, there’s precious little of it except for a few big scenes – heck, most of the pictures in the background don’t even move any more.  Add to that scene transitions that are, frankly, clunky, and secondary characters that I assume appeared only so that they could be thrown into a two-second spot in the trailer for all they did or said.  There’s very little soul, too little emotion, and a Grand Canyon-sized gap where fun used to be.

The most egregious offense, in my eyes, is tied between two issues.  The first is that this is the first Harry Potter movie where it no longer feels as though they’re in a magical world, just the normal world with magic thrown in as a side garnish.  The second has to do with the bigger plot elements that includes gobs of spoilers, so skip the next couple paragraphs if that sort of thing is antithema to you.

The main threat to Hogwarts comes as evil Lord Voldemort has recruited teen Draco Malfoy to assassinate the headmaster.  Yet, from start to finish, this is all bungled.  In the film, Voldemort never actually shows up, but is relegated to a background “boogeyman” status.  It’s never quite specified why Draco is doing this – it’s hinted at that it has something to do with restoring his family’s honor with the Big V, but I’ll bet you most non-book readers in the audience have no idea why that is necessary (even if they saw the previous film).  Draco’s supposed to be under terrible stress and strain because of this task, but he’s never humanized in doing so – the movie keeps showing him stalking around the school and looking all frowny-like, but since he’s given barely any dialogue until the end, there’s no connection made between him and the audience.

Finally, when the big act happens, nothing really clicks.  Harry stands by without doing a single thing (in the book he was magically bound and inable to help; here he just kind of uselessly observes), there’s barely any tension on Snape’s behalf as he intervenes (which is supposed to be a shocking betrayal, but the movie lobs hint after hint that he’s still a good guy), the final showdown between Harry and Snape is nothing more than a brief chase in which Harry gets smacked down a couple times, and then it… ends.  Oh, and we learn that wizards grieve over one of their most beloved leaders dying much the same way that concert goers honor Metallica – by raising a light to the sky and shouting “ENCORE!”  A climactic battle in the school and a touching funeral that took place in the book were inexplicably cut from the film, because – and this is the reason I’ve seen from the filmmakers – that they didn’t want to steal the thunder from the last film.  So they just go ahead and neuter this one, bravo.  It’s all just so blah.

Hogwarts is no longer a school that teaches anything; it’s just a setting for snooping and snogging and Snape-ing.

Want a second opinion?  Check out Courtney’s review here!

Wizards and their hot dog-themed shirts

Didja Notice?

• The awful, awful scene transitions where a scene peters out without doing or saying much of anything and then just ending so that we could move on?
• Dumbledore uses the line “I bet you’re wondering why I brought you here” twice…
• [Spoiler] Harry tries to use a spell on Snape, Snape reveals that it was his own spell from his potions book… but why would a said-out-loud spell be in a potions book?
• I liked Fred and George’s new store, but it’s a pity nothing really happens in that scene.
• All of the people clearly get off the bridge before it collapses, but then the newspaper reports fatalities?
• Are the Death Eaters the smoke monster from Lost?

If You Liked This Movie, Try These:

• Prisoner of Azkaban
• Order of the Phoenix

“You probably think this world is a dream come true… but you’re wrong.”

The Scoop: 2009 PG, directed by Henry Selick and starring Dakota Fanning, Teri Hatcher and Keith David

Tagline: Be careful what you wish for.

Summary Capsule: Little girl explores her house to find… another house, her house, but not quite.

Justin’s Rating: I just naturally operate under the assumption that behind every door is Narnia.

Justin’s Review: “It’s not CAROline, it’s CORAline,” the star of our motion picture constantly corrects.  We’re not quite sure why her parents up and reversed the vowels to make an odd-sounding name, but that’s the least of her worries in this wonderful fantasy flick from the mind of Neil Gaiman.

Coraline is a young adult/children’s book that Gaiman wrote back in 2002 that explored the fantasy staple of going through a portal to another world (see: Lion, Witch and Wardrobe, et al).  The twist, in both the book and the film, was that the new world in question was just like our current world – a parallel world, if you may – except everything seemed better.

Seemed.

Young Coraline (voiced by Dakota Fanning) is despondant over a family move to the rainy Pacific northwest – I don’t know why she’s down, at least now she can fall in love with a sparkly vampire and have lots of non-sexual snugglies – and takes to exploring her new home as both her parents are too preoccupied with a major writing project to keep her company.  The more she looks, the more reality seems to unravel; perhaps it’s the socially dysfunctional Wybie, the incredibly tall Russian mouse trainer, the eerie black cat that follows her everywhere, or the two retired actresses in the basement.  Or perhaps, even, it’s a small door in a non-descript room that appears to be bricked in, except at night.

Through the door she goes, and into a house exactly like hers – except, as mentioned before, everything’s much better, her parents pay attention to her, the annoying kid is mute, and wonders are just around the corner.  Oh, and everyone has buttons for eyes.

Say what?  It’s here where Neil Gaiman injects his particular blend of dark fantasy, where you’re not quite sure if you should be feeling dread or excitement.  Yes, things are off in the “other” world, but who wouldn’t want to explore this place if given half the chance?

Fans of the stop-motion claymation films The Nightmare Before Christmas and James and the Giant Peach will be tickled pink that director Henry Selick returns to helm Coraline and give it its distinctive Hot Topic look.  (Man, we pick on that store a lot around here, don’t we?)  When compared to hand-drawn animation or CGI, claymation has a certain raw solidity to it that is hard to duplicate otherwise.  Applied to a fantasy setting, it gives the settings and characters the right sort of tone that you’d expect if you were sitting down with a large illustrated storybook.  Your eyes won’t be disappointed in the least, here.  Unless they’re buttoned up.

Your mind might be, however.  Although, taken as a whole, Coraline is a great flick, it’s also a trifle long (odd, for such a painstaking process like claymation) and full of silences and pauses where the story doesn’t halt so much as take a catnap.  One way of looking at it would be to applaud a filmmaker who’s not afraid to let silence have a place in the story, but another way would be to say “hurry UP!”  The plot had to be lengthened from the book, so there’s a lot more dithering back and forth between the worlds, and the main crisis doesn’t take form until well into the third act.

Still, the kids in my theater (and there were legions of them) were utterly silent, entranced by this movie, even through its darker parts, and that speaks to great lengths of how well the ultimate effect of the movie works.  By the end, you really have come to like the unique, odd personalities, including Coraline, and I wasn’t disappointed, even though I couldn’t see the 3D effects with my gimpy left eye.

So kids, if you find a peculiar door in your explorations that goes who-knows-where, don’t be afraid to crawl right on through!  Just be aware that you might lose cell phone reception and your sanity.

Yum!

Didja Notice?

• In the trailer, when they show Coraline’s other father he is wearing Monkeybone slippers. Monkeybone was another film directed by Henry Selick.
• References to Michigan and Detroit
• In the Other World the Other Mother is making Coraline an omelette. She cracks and egg and when it drops in to the bowl you can see that the egg yolk is the face of Jack Skellington from Nightmare Before Christmas

Intermission

• At one hour and forty minutes long, this is the longest stop-motion film to date and was the first stop-motion animated feature to be shot entirely in 3-D.

Groovy Quotes

Cat: You probably think this world is a dream come true… but you’re wrong.

Sweet Ghost Girl: Be clever, Miss. She’ll never let you leave, even if you win the game.

Coraline Jones: How can you walk away from something and then come towards it?
Cat: Walk around the world.
Coraline Jones: Small world.

Coraline Jones: I think I heard someone calling you… Wyborn.
Wybie Lovat: What? I didn’t hear anything.
Coraline Jones: Oh, I definitely heard someone… Why-were-you-born.

Mr. Bobinsky: I am the Amazing Bobinsky! But you- call me Mr. B. Because, amazing, I already know that I am.

Other Father: So sharp, you won’t feel a thing…

If You Liked This Movie, Try These:

• The Nightmare Before Christmas
• Lion, Witch and Wardrobe

“Did I know that I just met the most dangerous dark wizard of all time? No.”

The Scoop: 2009 PG, Directed by David Yates and starring Daniel Raddcliffe, Rupert Grint and Emma Watson

Tagline: Once again I must ask too much of you, Harry.

Summary Capsule: Young wizard learns about evil guy’s past while his friends get all caught up in teen hormones. And somebody dies. Based on some book you might have heard of.

Courtney’s Rating: I do love the Harry Potter fandom and most of its members, but they can really aggravate me sometimes…

Courtney’s Review: (A preemptive apology for the length and scatter-brained-ness of this review. There’s so much I wanted to touch on a not nearly enough room for it!)

When HBP was first pushed back from November 2008 to July 2009, I was livid. I’d never been angrier at something so trivial in my life (several months later, this honor was awarded to VH1’s pop culture showdown the Great Debate for “officially deciding” that puppies are cuter than kittens. Hello? Puppies pee all over the place, and there is nothing cute about that. Kittens come potty-trained. And evil is inherently adorable.) So after an extra 8 months, the one thing everyone wanted to know was, was it worth the wait?

Let’s get right to it. I don’t care what you think about the movie vs. the book. Of course the book is better, but the two mediums are so different that they shouldn’t be compared. (Contrary to popular belief, there are some movies that are better than their books, but that’s a rant for a different day.) The movie, based on its own merits, is freakin’ awesome. It rivals Prisoner of Azkaban for being the most well-made film of the franchise (the two least well-made being Sorcerer’s Stone and Chamber of Secrets, which, perhaps coincidentally, are the “closest to the books.”) I know there’s a lot of good things to be said for movies that stay true to their source material, but let’s be honest – people do not watch movies the same way they read books. Changes should be more than welcome as long as the message and tone remaion the same. Here, I’m more than certain that HBP got it all right.

One thing that some Potterheads keep complaining about is that there’s too much focus on the romance aspect. I wonder if these people even read the book, as romance was kind of a big thing there, too. The whirlwind relationship between Ron and Lavender Brown is pretty important to the development of Ron and Hermione’s characters. And the Harry/Ginny kiss scene was very different from the scene in the book, but I thought it was sweet. I do wish more focus went to their relationship, but since so much of its development is internal, I guess it was bound to piss off die-hards no matter what the filmmakers did.

I know I’m one of few, but I liked the added scene at the Burrow. It was a cool way to show that there was a lot of danger outside of Hogawarts, and it showed us a little more of some favorite characters without forcing them in. And I fully support the decision to leave out the battle – save it for the big one in Deathly Hallows! But I was disappointed that they left out the funeral scene (you know what I’m talking about) because it seemed so beautiful in the book. I thought it would really look gorgeous and be mood-appropriate.

The acting in this film was by far the best it’s ever been for HP. Daniel Raddcliffe (D-Radd, if you will) is really becoming a strong actor, and Emma Watson didn’t completely annoy me this time, a huge compliment to her. In fact, I daresay she did a more than adequate job here. I loved seeing so much more of Bonnie Wright as Ginny. I think she’s fun and cute and it’s great to see that she actually gets to do more than stand there and recite a couple throwaway lines. I’ve always thought that Rupert Grint was the most talented of the kids, especially after seeing him in Driving Lessons. But as Steve Kloves returned to write the screenplay (he wrote all of the scripts for the series except Order of the Phoenix) Ron’s role was yet again relegated to comic relief and no more. Rupert does a great job with the comedy, but it’s unfortunate that he doesn’t get to show off his serious-drama chops.

The adult actors are all incredible, as they usually are. I’m seriously in love with Alan Rickman’s Snape and props to Potter newcomer Jim Broadbent as Horace Slughorn (and props to the special effects people who turned him into that armchair – how cool was that?) Michael Gambon’s performance has always been a topic of debate. However, I always feel that he gets the job done, and he manages to capture a certain youthful spring in his step that I think is so important to Dumbledore’s character. (SPOILER!) I cried quite a bit when he was drinking the protective potion in the cave. It’s very tragic if you know what he’s seeing in his mind, and I thought he was excellent in that whole scene. (END SPOILER.)

The standout performance was Tom Felton as Draco Malfoy. Up until now, Malfoy’s always just been this annoying, mean,  Billy Zapka-esque jerk, but here we learn that his outward cockiness is just a facade. He’s really just an insecure teenager and a coward, but he doesn’t want to let his family down. Felton did a truly wonderful job at portraying the conflict within Malfoy, and, more impressively, he did it with as few words as possible.

I’m probably one of about 12 people in the world who will see a movie based on the cinematographer (I sure know Christian Bale doesn’t think much of the profession.) Bruno Delbonnel is absolutely my favorite director of photography, and when I watched the first trailer for HBP, I recognized his work. Every scene in this movie looked like a painting, but the colors and movement were so rich and alive that they also felt very real. If I had it my way, Delbonnel would definitely win an Oscar for cinematography this year. He is an artist.

In my opinion, the strongest (and most surprising) aspect of HBP was the comedy. I knew it was going to be funny, but I didn’t expect to be laughing quite as much as I was, and as genuinely. Jessie Cave’s Lavender and Freddie Stroma’s Cormac McLaggen had a lot to do with that, as well as Daniel Raddcliffe (D-Radd – I really want this nickname to catch on) and Rupert Grint.

But most importantly of all, I loved that this movie pumped me up for Deathly Hallows. I think that with this creative team and a studio expecting to rake in millions on opening weekend, we can expect two really fantastic movies, both for fans of the Harry Potter books and for film-lovers.

In summation, I guess I’ll answer the question posed at the beginning of this review: Was it worth the wait? Heck yes.

"And if these movies don't work out, I'm auditioning for a role as a Hammer Bros. in Super Mario!"

Didja Notice?

• Lots of mirrors! There’s a nice visual motif involving mirrors and mirror images.
• There’s also a lot of nice foreshadowing. For example, Malfoy mentions something about jumping off of the Astronomy Tower early in the film, and you know what happens later.
• How much do you want to go to the Weasley Wizard Wheezes shop? It’s like Wonka’s factory, but without all the Oompa Loompas trying to kill you.
• Arnold the pink Pygmy Puff looks like he’d eat your face off while you were sleeping…
• How high you jumped when the Inferi started attacking?
• So at the end of the movie, Harry and Hermione have this really nice conversation, and Ron just sits there the whole time? He says nothing and Hermione gets to speak for him? Kloves, you are truly shameless.
• How did this get a PG rating? I’m still trying to figure that out.

This is an actual photo from Wizstock '69.

Intermission!

Jessie Cave beat over 7000 girls to win the role of Lavender Brown, Ron’s “love-interest” from the book.

Helen McCrory had been cast to play Bellatrix Lestrange in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, but had to back out because she was pregnant. She plays Bellatrix’s sister, Narcissa Malfoy in this film.

Groovy Quotes

Harry: Did you know, sir? Then?
Dumbledore: Did I know that I just met the most dangerous dark wizard of all time? No.

Tom Riddle age 11: I can make things move without touching them. I can make bad things happen to people who are mean to me. I can speak to snakes too. They find me… whisper things.

Ron: I’m in love with her!
Harry: Alright, fine, you’re in love with her! Have you ever actually met her?
Ron: No… Can you introduce me?

Professor McGonagall: Why is it that, whenever anything happens, it’s always you three?
Ron: I’ve been wondering that for six years, Professor.

Ron: How much are these?
Fred and George: 5 galleons.
Ron: How much for me?
Fred and George: 5 galleons.
Ron: I’m your brother!
Fred and George: 10 galleons.

Dumbledore: Horace, could I have this?
Slughorn: What? Oh, of course.
Dumbledore: Thank you, I do love kitting patterns.

Harry: Fight back you coward!

If You Liked This Movie, Try These:

• Prisoner of Azkaban
• Order of the Phoenix
• Just read the books!

The Scoop: 1996 NR, Directed by Yoshiaki Kawajiri/Kevin Seymour and starring Dean Elliot and Wendee Lee (English version)

Summary Capsule: It’s the final countdown! Bah da baaa baaa! Ba-da -bap ba baaaaa!

Heather’s Rating: How did this movie not receive any kind of rating? Really?

Heather’s Review: I recently outed myself on the boards as an anime fan during Kaleb’s specific and frighteningly telling anime contests. Sadly I did not win, for both times Eunice trampled me with her mad anime nerd skillz, for which I give much props. Word.

I’m a big fan of anime tv series, but never delved much into the movies. Oh sure, I’ne seen the Cowboy Bebop movie, but does that really count? Take into account that the only other anime movies I had ever watched were Hayao Miyazaki films and it comes to light that I’ve really been missing out on this genre that I love.

I was talking with a friend of mine online and in the middle of the conversation he throws out a movie quote, saying he’d be impressed if I recognized it.  I failed to impress and had to admit thatI had no clue what he was talking about. The ensuing reaction was something along the lines of “AAAH you have to watch this movie now AAAHHH!!!” I imagine he was probably yelling at me through his computer screen, typing furiously in order to alert me as quickly as possible to Ninja Scroll,  a piece of cinematic awesome that is one of his favorite films of all time OMG.

I looked it up on Netflix, which has it available for instant play. In response to my friend’s pleading I decided that I could put off my attempts to permanently burn Facebook’s Farm Town application onto my retinas for at least another day while I watched a movie about Japan, ninjas, and demons. I think I made the right choice.

I enjoyed Ninja Scroll more than I thought I would enjoy a movie of its ilk. Ninja Scroll is about Jubei, a ninja-for-hire who finds out that an old nemesis of his is back with sinister plans and an army of demons. Wendee Lee (squee!) voices the beautiful ninja warrior Kagero, whom Jubei rescues from one of the demons and befriends. The two set off together on their quest with your stereotypical goofy old Japanese sensei-type character in tow. The whole dramatic and over the top warringsideseveryonediesbloodsplatterseverywhere anime isn’t usually my thing. ESPECIALLY if there are gratuitous sex scenes involved.

That being said I still ended up liking this movie, despite its best efforts. For instance, there was so much blood and gore that in one shot it is literally raining blood. Body parts become detached in a myriad of interesting and physics-defying fashions. I really wish I could have had a video recorder handy so that I could go back and watch the faces I was making during these scenes. The way my facial muscles felt afterwords I must have looked like an extra in a Tim Burton film.

The sexual parts of the film were typically offensive and bordering on creepy Japanese fetish material. Honestly at one point I began to wonder whether or not Netflix had sneaked a hentai in on me. It never quite went to that level, but still.

I’m not going to blame this one on the movie, because it could be the fault of the translators, but the dialogue in this movie is pretty stiff and awkward.  During long bouts of talking I would just tune out until blood started flying again. I guess I can see why they didn’t worry too much about the dialogue, ’cause who’s really paying attention to dialogue when a guy’s face is sliding down the edge of a sword?

What brought the film from brainless slaughtering and sex to brainless slaughtering and sex that I’ll actually keep watching was the very interesting plot, terrific voice cast , and a large dose of imagination in the storytelling. The demons were so diverse and creepy as only the Japanese can make ‘em. Don’t even get me started on the wasp-controlling demon who, at one horrifying point, reveled himself to be the demon equivalent of a Surinami toad. A Surinami toad that, instead of giving birth to little toad babies out of the holes in his back, spawns wasps. Holy mother of everything good and decent in this world I want to know what was wrong with the human being who dredged that up from the seventh layer of Hell and can he/she please not procreate?

Mind-bending terror aside, the movie’s creativity, well-crafted story and terrific editing were an unexpected joy that kept me watching. I’ll even venture to say that I would watch it again.

But next time I’m totally skipping past the wasp scene.

Wish to punch me, you will

Didja Notice:

• Strategic snake placement
• That chamberlain sure knows how to multitask

Is It Worth Staying Through The End Credits?:

Nay, good reader!

Intermission:

Ninja Scroll was much popular upon its release in the US than it was in Japan.

Groovy Quotes:

Tesai: Not quite the right direction. The road to Hell is… RIGHT HERE.

Utsutsu Mujuro: If you want to kill me, you mustn’t make any sound at all.       Jubei: The only sound you’ll hear, is the sound of your own voice screaming.

Jubei: I swear if you come back to life again that I’ll kill you again, no matter how many times! Aaaaaaah!

If You Liked This Movie, Try These:

• Cowboy Bebop
• Princess Mononoke
• Akira

The Scoop: 2009 PG-13, directed by Michael Bay and starring Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, and Megan Fox’s breasts in slow motion

Tagline: Revenge is coming. 

Summary Capsule: Special effects gurus secure themselves an Oscar nomination by hiding Megan Fox’s tattoos for 2 1/2 hours. Also, giant transforming robots.

Kyle’s Rating: Now I understand how people felt about POTC: Dead Man’s Chest

Kyle’s Review: There are certainly limits to how much slack one give a film. Nowadays, some will pass judgment based on the theatrical trailer alone, which I tend to think is much too overzealous, though I would be lying if I said I have any hope at all for August’s G.I. Joe film adaptation based on the ridiculous-looking previews I have had to sit through. Casting and direction can make or break a film in the eyes of many; I can surely count with only one hand the number of close trusted friends whose eyes don’t narrow almost imperceptibly every time I admit to liking Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox. Hell, I like the first Transformers! Combine that with my strange and admittedly unique aesthetic tastes (see: my recent Twilight review), and I was one of the few people over the age of 12 in southern California who looked forward to Transformers Revenge of the Fallen. If only as a loud and boisterous summer blockbuster.

I recall it taking about ten minutes for me to surrender to a sense of utter dissatisfaction, alleviated only by the huge box of popcorn Angela had me balance on my lap throughout the entire runtime. At one point about one hour in, when Erin shifted in her seat I was about to lean over and whisper “I’ll leave with you and wait for them in the parking lot if you like” until it was clear she was only getting comfortable. Sadly, when I relayed my feelings to her later, she was like “Wait, I would have left then, too!”

Yes, T:ROTF is completely awful. I was never engaged with the film in the slightest, none of the actors who were at best charming and at worst interesting in the first film had any freedom to do anything, and I HATED anything that popped up for the first time (idiotic college roommate, I’m looking at you). My only self-amusement came early on, when as has been commented on across so many blogs, it really did seem as though the Autobots were hunting down Decepticons largely minding their own business and brutally murdering them. Michael Bay would surely say that was some sort of commentary. On what, I wonder?

I’m not sure if it was irrepressible shallowness or boredom with the proceedings that made me wish the ‘surprise’ ‘hidden’ Decepticon (whose inclusion, illogic and impossibility of aside, at least raised my interest a bit, though not intellectually . . .) was the main villain of the entire film. Or even the hero! But when minor details are more enthralling than anything related to the main event, it is surely a sign of diminishing returns on the filmmakers’ parts and a polite request for a refund on yours.

The massive box office take thus far would seem to imply the third (and any future? No!) film in the series will be more of the same. I would implore to anyone involved to examine the fact that even the most strident defender of this film’s entertainment value is at a loss to disentangle most of the action scenes involving more than two robots. Anticlimactic forest battle included. More is not more here, it’s actually less when you can’t tell one fast-moving robot from another. I’m disinclined to bother commenting on the racial element of the Autobot twins when the movie itself (apparently) has the evil Decepticons who combine into the big sand-sucking thing crawling around the pyramid simultaneously fighting soldiers in the desert ruins. Summer blockbuster disregard for time and space, or a sign of not really caring when the opening weekend b.o. number promises to be HUGE?

If they, specifically YOU, Michael Bay, don’t care, why should I?

Didja Notice?

• The college scenes were shot at the University of Pennsylvania (meh) and Princeton University (woo!). Oddly, I didn’t recognize any of the architecture from Princeton. If I ever decide to see the movie again, I’ll have to look for it.
• Aaron the long-suffering presidential bodyguard from24 is the general. Has Glenn Morshower ever played a civilian?
• There’s something profoundly wrong about an Autobot ice cream truck with a decal reading “Decepticons, suck my popsicle.”
• For the second movie running, they don’t explain why the Allspark only creates evil robots.
• Spike’s pretty grateful to Bumblebee for saving his, Sparkplug’s and Judy’s lives. “Get in the garage!”
• Remember kids, that’s S-T-A-T-E F-A-R-M. Be sure to tell mommy and daddy!
• I always wondered whether Spike’s mom heard him losing his virginity. Good to finally have that answered.
• College has changed in the last seven years. Back then girls didn’t start dancing on tables until the end of the night, and it wasn’t the attractive ones.
• It is pretty hilarious that Megatron boasts to Starscream, “Even in death, there is no command but mine”… and then literally ten seconds later, calls the Fallen “my master.”
• Bad Boys II, Michael Bay? If you have to endlessly reference your own movies, keep it to the better ones, huh? Ain’t nothing wrong with Bad Boys I.
• If it’s so important that Spike be kept alive, you’d think the Decepticons might be a bit more careful than, you know, dropping him from several stories up. On purpose.
• PRIIIIIIIIIME!!!
• I’m sorry, I’m sorry… the government just supposedly covered up the events of the last movie from the general public? I guess as far as all-out assaults on L.A. in front of thousands of witnesses go, it was pretty discreet.
• The Autobot base is in New Jersey? Hell yeah.
• Bumblebee’s got a real fondness for Tom Hanks.
• Yeah, it’s probably pretty easy to drive a Camaro through the desert.
• No car chase is complete unless a fruit stand gets destroyed. I think it’s union regulations or something.
• Is it even possible for anyone born after 1978 to see a neon green dump truck and not immediately think “Devastator”?
• Arise, Rodimus Optimus Prime!

Is It Worth Staying Through The End Credits?

There are two scenes, both of them at the beginning of the credits. Mikaela kisses Spike and rides off on a motorcycle, and Spike gets welcomed back to his Astronomy class.

Intermission!

Jetfire (called “Skyfire” on the cartoon) was a former friend of Starscream’s when they were both scientists. Crash landing on Earth before Cybertron’s civil war started, he was discovered thousands of years later and revived. Starscream initially recruited him to the Decepticons, but Jet/Skyfire rejected their violent ways and joined the Autobots instead. The idea of him combining with Optimus Prime to make the latter more powerful stems from recent cartoon series Transformers Armada, as well as from the comics, where Prime died but came back later with advanced armor as “Powermaster Optimus Prime.”  Additionally, Jetfire’s teleportation ability may have been borrowed from one of Starscream’s old cronies, Skywarp. In this film, Megatron still transforms into a Cybertronian jet but also displays a tank form, a nod to the original toy line. Initially Megatron changed into a very realistic-looking Walther P38 handgun. However, after toy laws became more stringent in the late 80’s, lifelike toy guns could no longer be sold. Thus, when the Transformers toy line was revived in 1993, he was re-envisioned as an M1 Abrams tank. (The comic storyline accompanying this explained that Megatron’s original body was destroyed and, in a Transformers/G.I. Joe crossover, Cobra found his remains and constructed a new body for him.) In the original cartoon, Soundwave (whose face the Decepticon logo is based on) transformed into a cassette player, and Ravage was one of his tapes that transformed into a jaguar. For the movie, Soundwave was reimagined as an orbiting satellite, but in a nod to his original form, he still fires Ravage out of his chest. The cartoon version of Arcee was a female Autobot, introduced in the animated movie and featured prominently in the third season. In the comic continuity, Optimus Prime had her created on Earth as an attempt to appease angry feminists accusing the all-male Transformers of sexism. (The protestors ultimately viewed Arcee as a token gesture and remained upset anyway, but the story’s worth it just to hear Jazz describe the difference between genders as “it appears to be something to do with the upper chassis design…”) For RotF, Arcee was reimagined as a trio of motorcycles/robots who share a 3-in-1 hive mind. The Fallen’s origins lie with a comic miniseries from 2003 that told stories set in the Transformers’ past on Cybertron. He was one of the original thirteen Transformers, but rebelled against his creator Primus to ally with Primus’ enemy Unicron.

Groovy Quotes

Epps [about Optimus Prime]: You gotta wonder – if God made us in His image, who made him?

Galloway: Soldier, you’re paid to shoot, not talk.
Epps: Don’t tempt me.

Bumblebee: Houston, we have a problem.

Wheelie [about Mikaela]: You’re hot, but you ain’t too bright.

Megatron: Is the future of our race not worth a single human life? Optimus Prime: You’ll never stop at one.

Spike: Can you read this?
Skids: Read? Unh-uh.
Mudflap: We don’t… we don’t really do much reading.

Simmons: What you’re about to see is top secret. Do NOT tell my mother.

Jetfire: My father was a wheel! The first wheel! And do you know what he transformed into? Nothing! But he did it with honor! Starscream: Not to call you a coward, master… but, sometimes, cowards do survive.

If You Liked This Movie, Try These:

• Transformers
• The Transformers: The Movie
• Armageddon

The Scoop: 2009 PG, directed by Shawn Levy and starring Ben Stiller, Amy Adams, Hank Azaria and Owen Wilson

Tagline: When the lights go off, the battle is on.

Summary Capsule: It’s up to Larry to rescue his friends from the evil clutches of Moe! I mean, Kahmunrah!

Heather’s Rating: No, really… just how crazy is a road lizard?

Heather’s Review: I got a puzzled glance from the cashier when this grown woman bought just one admission ticket for a film called Night At The Museum:  Battle of the Smithsonian. I was originally supposed to see this film with my young nephew and niece, but was dumped on the day of in favor of playing with firecrackers with their friends. I’d rather not think about what that says for my appeal as a person.

Even so  I’m happy to say that I don’t regret my choice of movie, and I actually had a really good time watching this sequel by myself. There’s something to be said for going to the theater alone, during off hours, staring up at a big screen that seems to be playing just for me. I can have all the elbow room I want and can even prop my feet up on the seat in front of me (yeah, I’m a loose cannon).

Back in 2006, the first movie told the story of Larry Daley (Stiller), a reluctant new night guard for the Museum of Natural History. Larry is shocked to discover that the exhibits are brought to life every night by a magical Egyptian tablet. Apparently the ancient Egyptians created gaudy baubles to animate store mannequins and wax statues when they got bored inventing trivial crap like paper and surgery.

The second movie extends the tale two years into the future, and we see that Larry is now a successful businessman. He takes a trip to the museum near closing time and finds museum director Dr. McPhee (Ricky Gervais, reprising his role!) standing amongst a lobby full of shipping crates containing much of the museum’s exhibits. McPhee informs Larry that the museum is changing over to interactive holographic exhibits, with the exception of the most popular pieces. Everything else is being shipped to the archives at the Smithsonian Institute. Larry stays behind to say goodbye to his friends and apologize for not spending much time with them over the years. Near dawn Teddy Roosevelt admits that the tablet isn’t going to the Smithsonian and those being shipped will never awaken again.

Larry is surprised soon afterward when he gets a distressed phone call from cowboy miniature Jedediah (Wilson), asking him to come help. Dexter, that rascally stuffed capuchin from the first film, stole the tablet and brought it with them to the Smithsonian. Now they are being attacked by Kahmunrah, a ne’er-do-well pharaoh with plans to use the tablet to awaken his Army of the Undead.

*whew*. Longest. Plot rehash. Ever. With that out of the way, I just want to say how completely surprised I was with this movie. There was a terrific cast, most returning from the first movie, with some awesome new additions. Hank Azaria was brilliant as Kahmunrah. I loved his nod to Boris Karloff with that accent and slight lisp. Azaria fleshed out a perfectly balanced evil/funny villain in a genre that tends to take said character archetype over the top. Another welcome addition was Christopher Guest who, in my opinion, had far too small of a role as Ivan The Terrible.

I recommend this as a terrific film for the family (or lonely twentysomething). The special effects were just fantastic, and there were some genuinely hilarious moments that had me laughing out loud ‘til I attracted the attention of the usher (don’t think I didn’t see you there, sneaking in a movie on company time. Yeah, I kept my feet up on that seat. If I’m going down, you’re going down with me).
 This movie, like its predecessor, had its faults. Most glaring was Bill Hader’s General Custer. Oh my gosh how I loathed that annoying, screeching thing. The movie wouldn’t have suffered one iota if he had been left out completely. I also wasn’t too keen on the character of Amelia Earhart. She was just unimpressive to me.  In every other instance this movie succeeded where the previous one failed (like trying too hard to be funny, and the stupid monkey Dexter. Why is there always a monkey?), and really found its footing in what I’m happy to say is a sequel that I liked as good, if not better, than the original.

Which really sucks for me, because it’s not going to be so easy to explain why a childless adult owns both movies on DVD.

This could be any number of recent Nicholas Cage movies.

Didja Notice?:

• The Wright Brothers munching on those awful freeze-dried “astronaut treats” sold in museum gift stores?
• Would that kind of aircraft really make it from Washington, D.C. to New York in less than an hour?
  The slow-mo Miniatures vs. Shoes scene was very funny.

Intermission:

This is the first movie to be filmed in the Smithsonian.

Groovy Quotes:

Kahmunrah: I am Kahmunrah, the great king of the great kings, and from the darkest depths of ancient history. I have come back to life!                                                                                                                         Larry: [Awkwardly] Uh-huh.
Kahmunrah: Perhaps you did not hear what I just said. I am a century old Egyptian pharoah. I was dead, but now I have come back to life!                                                                                                                        Larry: No, I heard that, I got that. Welcome Back.

Jedediah: [To Kahmunrah] You’re crazier’n a road lizard!

[Confronting Darth Vader]
Kahmunrah: Is that you breathing? Because I- I can’t hear myself think! There’s too much going on here; you’re asthmatic, you’re a robot. And why- what’s with the cape? Are we going to the opera? I don’t think so.

Larry: I’m sorry. Last time I checked, I thought we lived in a free country. So…
Brandon: No, we don’t.
Larry: No?
Brandon: It’s the United States of “Don’t Touch That Thing Right in Front of You.”

If You Liked This Movie, Try These:

• Night At The Museum
• Toy Story
• The Emperor’s New Groove