“I don’t think the dead care about vengeance.”
The Scoop: 2008 PG-13, directed by Marc Forster and starring Daniel Craig, Olga Kurylenko and Mathieu Amalric
Tagline: Bond is Back
Summary Capsule: James Bond, still blatantly hurt by his true love’s betrayal, lives up to his 00-status by traveling the world to find out exactly who or what is trying to pull a whole lot of powerful strings
“My father was a wheel! The first wheel! And do you know what he transformed into? Nothing! But he did it with honor!”
The Scoop: 2009 PG-13, directed by Michael Bay and starring Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, and Megan Fox’s breasts in slow motion
Tagline: Revenge is coming.
Summary Capsule: Special effects gurus secure themselves an Oscar nomination by hiding Megan Fox’s tattoos for 2 1/2 hours. Also, giant transforming robots.
“You don’t understand how serious this is. They killed my dog.”
The Scoop: 2007 R, directed by Antoine Fuqua and starring Mark Wahlberg, Michael Peña and Danny Glover
Tagline: Yesterday was about honor. Today is about justice.
Summary Capsule: Powerful men do what they do best: frame the one guy who has enough skill, training and deadly weapons to make them regret it
“I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.”
The Scoop: 2008 PG-13 Directed by Pierre Morel and starring Liam Neeson and Famke Janssen
Tagline: They took his daughter. He’ll take their lives.
Summary Capsule: EX CIA spook goes on a 90 minute killing spree to get back his kidnapped daughter.
“The story goes he’ll be normal during the day, but at night, in the presence of evil, the Rider takes over.”
The Scoop: 2007 PG-13, directed by Mark Steven Johnson and starring Nicolas Cage, Peter Fonda and Eva Mendes’ chest
Tagline: Long ago he made a deal to save someone he loved
Summary Capsule: Stunt cyclist makes a deal with the Devil to save his father. In an unprecedented move, the Devil cheats and turns him into the original “Hell’s Angel.” Bad stuff happens.
“I’ll be back, Bennett.”
The Scoop: 1985 R, directed by Mark L. Lester and starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rae Dawn Chong and Alyssa Milano
Tagline: Somewhere… somehow… someone’s going to pay!
Summary Capsule: Ahnold snaps and kills half of the western hemisphere when his daughter is kidnapped. Overreact much?
“I like this ship! It’s exciting!”
The Scoop: 2009 PG-13, directed by J.J. Abrams and starring Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto and Karl Urban
Tagline: The future begins.
Summary Capsule: Star Trek gets a reboot/prequel/sequel of sorts… but it’s all good (mostly).
Sci-fi (or Sy-Fy, as a certain channel would have us believe, because it’s “less geeky”) is one of those genres that just seems to produce cult gems and mockworthy spectacles. Either movies are brilliant or flat out terrible, it seems like there’s very little middle ground.
With that in mind, I decided to undertake watching the remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still. I’ve never seen the original, but this one has Keanu Reeves! (Unless he’s playing Ted, this does the opposite of impressing me.) Because the thing is, good movies can get boring to review, unless I find a good hook. I was going to do this one night when I was alone, but last night Duckie and I decided we were in the mood for “mindless”. What could be more mindless than a Keanu Reeves movie?
“Across the federation, federation experts agree that: A: God exists, B: He’s on our side, C: He wants us to win.”
The Scoop: 2008 R, directed by Edward Neumeier and starring Casper Van Dien, Jolene Blalock and Stephen Hogan
Tagline: It’s a good day to fry
Summary Capsule: There are no atheists in bugholes, it seems. And Casper Van Dien gets naked.
“Nothin’ like a good piece of hickory.”
The Scoop: 1985, R, Directed by Clint Eastwood and starring Clint Eastwood and Michael Moriarity
Tagline: Hell has come home.
Summary Capsule: The Man With No Name saves a mining settlement with no hope
