A trip back to O-Town (no, not the boy band)

Whatever happened to TV? Once upon a time we had terrific Saturday morning cartoons (accompandied by hefty amounts of sugared cereal), the awesome MTV (which still deserved the “M” in its name), and Nickelodeon didn’t suck. In fact, Nickelodeon was the pinnacle of awesome to any kid.

This station was full of funny, thought-provoking, kid-empowering programs when pretty much every other show involved rainbow ponies, bears that shot rainbows from their chest, and even a character with the word “rainbow” in her name. Nickelodeon’s lineup pushed the boundries of kids’ imaginations and just how much sexual innuendo one can fit into children’s programming. None pushed that sexual innuendo barrier better than Rocko’s Modern Life.

Debuting in 1993 and running for four seasons, Rocko’s Modern Life was completely off the wall, off-kilter, off color…you name it this show was off of it. Rocko’s Modern Life was just tame enough, and normal-appearing that it could fool my parents into peeping their heads in and then going along their merry way, satisfied that I wasn’t being “corrupted”. Ah, but they were very, very wrong.

Rocko’s modern life is, from beggining to end, one insane adventure after another, with our main cast of characters being tormented for our viewing pleasure. Some of my favorites are the one where Rocko and Heffer rent a vacuum bent on their destruction, the one where Heffer joins a schnitzel cult, and the one where the Chameleon Brothers put Rocko’s home movies together into an indie film, culminating in Heffer’s prank shots of Rocko headed to the kitchen for a midnight snack in his tighty whities.

I consider myself pretty open-minded, but I watch clips on youtube today and wonder how on earth the crew got by with the stuff they stuck in there. As evidence, in our ever-more PC world Rocko’s Modern Life, when shown on TV, is heavily edited. It’s really upsetting because as a kid I didn’t understand the more adult jokes, but still found the show awesome.

The Characters:

Rocko: An Wallaby who immigrated from Australia. He has a serious crush on the never-glimpsed Melba and spends his days saving his dog from being packaged as deli meat, battling an evil vacuum cleaner “stuck on suck”, and warding off his neighbor Bev’s obvious seduction attempts.

Heffer: He’s a… portly yellow steer raised by a family of loving wolves (one of whom repeatedly fantasizes about eating Rocko, who he insists is a beaver). Somehow he doesn’t realize, until his older brother glibly informs him, that he was adopted. He frequently has completely ridiculous ideas (and a serious eating disorder) that get him and his friends in trouble. His gluttony kills him and sends him to “Heck” in one episode, where he meets the Dark Overlord “Peaches” who presides over an eternal torment of televisions without remotes.

Fliburt: The turtle who taught me the meaning of “hypochondriac”. A complete dork and generally unwilling accomplise to Heifer’s wild schemes (of which there are plenty). At one point he’s even talked into pretending to be Rocko’s “wife” so that he doesn’t get deported (one of the best episodes).

Bev and Ed Bighead: A couple of wild and crazy frogs. Ed Bighead is a career man at the town’s largest industry, Conglom-O. He has a terrible temper and weakness for flies. Bev is a stay-at-home wife with more than one trick up her sleeve to try and seduce her nextdoor neighbor Rocko, though she and Ed seem to have quite an exciting sex life. On more than one occasion we catch them in the midst of very odd kink (Ed tossing and smashing plates with his tongue like they were clay pigeons, Ed rolling around in a ginormous hamster ball chasing Bev around the house…

And those are just the main characters. Every single character in this show is totally off the wall, dysfunctional, just plain nuts…pick your description.

Right now it’s only available as a two-volume “Best of” set. I’m not even sure it’s being re-run on Nickeloden anymore. There are some websites, though, where you can find full episodes. I cannot reccomend enough that you spend just a half hour of your time giving this show a try. I haven’t seen an episode in years and I still use quotes from it in my day-to-day life. Heck, if I could just find Rocko’s blue shirt with the triangles I would totally be rocking that out.

Groovy Quotes:

Heffer: Hey Rock! Do that goofy face you do when you’re buying eggs!

Eagle: A wallaby in a boat waving a fish… That’s odd – yet strangely appetizing!

[Rocko, Heffer and Filburt are about to be hit with bowling balls by the Schnitzel Cult]
Rocko: You can’t chuck bowling balls at us!
Schnitzel Cult Leader: Yes, we can. Says so in the Great Book of Bratwurst. [reads] “And if there is one among you who does not follow the ways of the Schnitzel, let that one go, and do not throw bowling balls at them.”
Rocko: You see? It says let us go.
Schnitzel Cult Leader: It’s a matter of interpretation.

Peaches: I am the Dark Underlord, the Prince of Doom, the King of Eternal Torment! I am Pain! I am Evil! They call me… Peaches!
Heffer: Can you pass the remote?
Peachers: You poor fool. Still don’t realize where you are? There is no remote!
Heffer: Aaaaugh!

Rocko:I’m not a dog, I’m a wallaby!
Dog Catcher: A wallaby?
Rocko: Yeah. It’s like a kangaroo, only smaller.
Dog Catcher: You made that up!

Rocko: Grocery day is a very dangerous day, but at least we got food.

Rocko: [trying to turn the Suck-o-Matic off] I must cease this senseless sucking! [keeps pulling and pushing the switch and nothing happens] It’s stuck in suck!

Grandpa Wolfe: I say we eat the beaver!

Filburt: [About the hard work that goes into reading comic books] You turn the page, wash your hands. Turn the page, wash your hands. Turn the page, wash your hands…

Heffer: [after finding Rocko in the dumpster, his nail-biting problem out of control] All this toe-chewing is making me hungry. Let’s go get some chili!

Rocko: Heff, everybody’s bonkers for me bum!
Heffer: I know. You’ve got the most famous fanny in O-Town!

Rocko, Filburt: [After being interrupted during a fight and opening the door and finding out it's Rocko's deportation officer] WHAT IN THE HELLL… LO?

Ed Bighead: Rocko, what’re you doing?
Rocko: [With a paddle in his hand] We’re playing spank the monkey.

Crappy Jack: Arr, and then, I heard a scream so loud it could be heard down in Davy Jones’ locker. Mickey Dolenz’s locker too, and Peter Tork’s locker. All the Monkees had lockers…

Filburt: [behind the counter at the mall food court] Stuff On A Stick: Stick your face in our stuff.

[Ed Bighead walks into his home. Rocko has no shirt on. Bev is handing him a bit of cash. She sees him, and plants a *large* smooch on him. Rocko steps back]
Rocko: Uh, er… Mr. Bighead! It’s not what you think! I was just [points] … um, and she… [Rocko begins falling apart, like a Jenga game]
Ed Bighead: [angry] You saw my wife in her bath robe? [disturbed] Isn’t it awful?