“Excuse me, while I out my dog for the good of us all.”
The Scoop: 2005, M, directed by Ron Oliver and starring Chad Allen, Sebastian Spence, and Jack Wetherall
Tagline: A gay detective who always gets his man.
Summary Capsule: A detective takes on an attempted murder case for a client he can’t stand, and opens more cans of worms than he ever thought he would.
“You don’t understand how serious this is. They killed my dog.”
The Scoop: 2007 R, directed by Antoine Fuqua and starring Mark Wahlberg, Michael Peña and Danny Glover
Tagline: Yesterday was about honor. Today is about justice.
Summary Capsule: Powerful men do what they do best: frame the one guy who has enough skill, training and deadly weapons to make them regret it
Remember to get your entries in before midnight July 3.
Well, this show has been on the road for eleven years, and over that time the Mutant Reviewers from Hell have undergone some changes. We’ve had reviewers and readers come and go. We’ve had people move. We’ve had people get married. We’ve had tragedies and scares. And we’ve had births.
Just given our age demographic, it’s not surprising. Of the current reviewers on staff, four of us are married, and at least nine of us are of the age where we can have children and our parents wouldn’t completely die of a heart attack. And our readers are hitting that same time in their lives. And as we do, what’s on our TVs changes.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children under two don’t watch TV, and after that, children are exposed to a very limited amount of television. Now, I’m all for that, but at the same time, kids watching TV has some benefits, trust me. When your kid is sick, when it’s raining out, or when God forbid you actually want to cook dinner without someone under your feet constantly, the TV is a godsend.
But what can you put on? What isn’t completely shrill and annoying and is something that everyone in the house can actually tolerate? (At least the first 50 times.) Fortunately, I have answers. Now, this list is geared at the toddler set. It’s also geared at the times parents want to sit down and watch WITH their kids. I’m not saying that you should watch with your kids every second, because that can sometimes defeat the purpose (like the dinner-cooking one). But sometimes it’s nice to have a cuddle and share something you love with your child.
And one other caveat: I have two boys. There is a serious lack of princesses on this list.
Read the rest of this entry »
“He’s weird, he’s strange, he’s sloppy, he’s a total nightmare for women… I can’t believe I haven’t slept with him yet.”
The Scoop: 1994 R, directed by Ben Stiller and starring Winona Ryder, Ethan Hawke and Ben Stiller
Tagline: A comedy about love in the 90’s.
Summary Capsule: If you’ve never seen a mid-90’s movie, allow me to summarize for you: a group of twentysomething friends live, philosophize and sleep together while damning the Man and avoiding work. Set to a good soundtrack.
“I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.”
The Scoop: 2008 PG-13 Directed by Pierre Morel and starring Liam Neeson and Famke Janssen
Tagline: They took his daughter. He’ll take their lives.
Summary Capsule: EX CIA spook goes on a 90 minute killing spree to get back his kidnapped daughter.
Cult Doodles Contest II: The Quickening is going in the forum.
Contest runs until July 3.
They aren’t the reason you show up to the theater. No one builds a marketing campaign around their face.
But when they do make their appearance, be it a quick cameo, a three-scene bit part, or major supporting role, they elevate everything else in the film.
They turn bad movies in good ones and good movies into classics. For their hard work and dedication, we at MRFH award them The Mutant Cross for Bravery and Excellence in the Face of Cinematic Mediocrity.
Gentlemen, stand and be recognized!
“The story goes he’ll be normal during the day, but at night, in the presence of evil, the Rider takes over.”
The Scoop: 2007 PG-13, directed by Mark Steven Johnson and starring Nicolas Cage, Peter Fonda and Eva Mendes’ chest
Tagline: Long ago he made a deal to save someone he loved
Summary Capsule: Stunt cyclist makes a deal with the Devil to save his father. In an unprecedented move, the Devil cheats and turns him into the original “Hell’s Angel.” Bad stuff happens.
“That’s my new favorite camel!”
The Scoop: 2008 PG13, directed by Rian Johnson, starring Adrien Brody, Rachel Weisz, and Mark Ruffalo
Tagline: They’d never let the truth come between them
Summary Capsule: Two orphaned brothers bounce around and learn how to become the most benevolent con artists the world has ever been won over by
